Separating Fear and Love

[adpaz]

For many, many years, fear had been an integral part of how I loved.  It wasn't fear of abuse, or fear of something horrible happening to the person I loved.  It was fear of being unlovable, of being left alone.  That fear helped shape many a bad decision, ruined friendships, and came very close to making the fear a reality

Comments

[fading_light]

Oh wow.

I kind of have the opposite problem when it comes to my low self esteem. I'm not afraid to be alone, and being alone is basically my comfort zone. The fear of someone telling me "You're just a little too screwed up for my tastes," rings in my ears whenever I meet someone that I find attractive. Due to that one fear ringing in my ear, I tend to freeze up whenever I'm around the person I'm interested in. I'm also pretty shy, so that doesn't help with the whole freezing up thing. Whenever I end up in a conversation with a person I'm attracted to, I end up listening more than actually speaking. I have amazing listening skills, and as a result of those listening skills I end up in the "friend zone".

People tell me all the time that I need to be "proactive". I just need to put myself out there. I get myself all hyped up to be proactive, and then when the time comes the cycle starts all over again. That is when I start thinking that I'm better of being alone. As a result, I've had very few boyfriends and very few dates in my 34 years.

Also, I would just like to say that I would like to punch that Tom guy in the face a few hundred times because he preyed upon your low self-worth. I hate guys like that.

Though, in the end, I'm glad you found your happy ending.

[adpaz]

Thanks, both for sharing your own story and for supporting me with wanting to punch Tom! :-) I've actually come to a place where I can be friends with him now, at least through Facebook, but it was rough to go through at the time. Now I'm just happy that I am where I need to be! *hugs*

As far as you being proactive - you be what YOU need to be on your own time. It's easy to tell someone they need to be proactive and put themselves out there. It's a lot harder to actually do it when you're more introverted than extroverted. I have faith that when the time comes, you'll find the one that is supposed to be a part of your life and that you'll have the courage to put yourself out there then. (After all, it's what happened with my husband! :-))