The other side of the world.
Cousin's maternal grandfather passed away this morning. At first, to be honest, I was very apprehensive at first attending the funeral because I hate funerals. Sorry as much as death is a natural process in life, I still very much hate death or anything to do with death. Anyways, in the end, I attended the funeral because I felt obliged to as a family member as well as someone who knows him personally.
I call him 'atok' too partly because I think it is apt enough to call him that given his age as well as being a family member although not close but a distant member. When I got to the funeral, I think I was right on time because they just finish bathing him and doing all the post 'mandi mayat' thing. I read some prayers for his soul when I saw his corpse right before me. Solemn, despair and a tinge of relieved filled the surrounding. I looked around me and saw many familiar faces. I was torn between giving them a smile to acknowledge their presence or not to respect the unfortunate occassion. I smiled in the end because Cik Sima caught my eyes and she smiled at me. I was in the house for less than five minutes because for some reason or so, I felt suffocated with guilt and despair. The funeral felt like dejavu, felt like I was brought back to when my own paternal grandfather whom I adore dearly passed away five years ago. My oh my, I was breathless and probably on the brink of tearing up.
I gave my last few prayers when they carried him (cousin's grandfather) to the bus to go to Darusalam mosque for prayers. And of course, I bid my final goodbyes to him and hope that God will bless his soul and may he rest in peace.
The news of his passing came as a big shocker for me till I think I am under the weather now. Probably shaken much by the sudden death of a family member.
I probably need a little time to fully digest all these. As usual, I still have problems coping with deaths. Weak much aren't I?
I call him 'atok' too partly because I think it is apt enough to call him that given his age as well as being a family member although not close but a distant member. When I got to the funeral, I think I was right on time because they just finish bathing him and doing all the post 'mandi mayat' thing. I read some prayers for his soul when I saw his corpse right before me. Solemn, despair and a tinge of relieved filled the surrounding. I looked around me and saw many familiar faces. I was torn between giving them a smile to acknowledge their presence or not to respect the unfortunate occassion. I smiled in the end because Cik Sima caught my eyes and she smiled at me. I was in the house for less than five minutes because for some reason or so, I felt suffocated with guilt and despair. The funeral felt like dejavu, felt like I was brought back to when my own paternal grandfather whom I adore dearly passed away five years ago. My oh my, I was breathless and probably on the brink of tearing up.
I gave my last few prayers when they carried him (cousin's grandfather) to the bus to go to Darusalam mosque for prayers. And of course, I bid my final goodbyes to him and hope that God will bless his soul and may he rest in peace.
The news of his passing came as a big shocker for me till I think I am under the weather now. Probably shaken much by the sudden death of a family member.
I probably need a little time to fully digest all these. As usual, I still have problems coping with deaths. Weak much aren't I?