Taste
For my creative writing class, but I like it so I'm pimping it. Con-crit welcome.
"Taste"
It tasted sour, though not in a pleasant sweet-and-sour chicken way. It was bitter and somewhat chalky. The dryness of it made her mouth water. She grabbed the bottle of water on the table next to her and downed half of it. The taste in her mouth would not go away.
He was moving and leaving her behind. She swallowed hard, trying to figure out how to respond. It wasn’t like their relationship would be any different, really… They would still talk online and on the phone everyday and she would probably still only see him on weekends and even then only rarely. The fact remained that when faced with the news of his move, however temporary it was, she was left tasting an inexorably vile reminder of his departure.
She wasn’t particularly keen on how he’d told her, either. Enthusiastic about his new job and oblivious to how moving out of town could affect their relationship; he’d all but been jumping up and down in joy. She’d tried really hard to be happy for him but the unpleasant taste of abandonment was heavy in her mouth and her smile wouldn’t come. It was all she could do not to throw the phone across the room when they hung up. She stared blankly at the wall then back down at the phone.
Of course, she didn’t say anything that would let on about the horrid taste in her mouth. He’d write it off and tell her that her feelings were ridiculous. Then she would feel worse. That was how all of their fights played out. She stood up and walked into the other room to hang the phone up on the hook. Leaving it in its place, she walked down the stairs and out the front door. She stepped off her front porch into the rain. The sour taste in her mouth started to dissipate. Inside she could hear the phone ring.
She slid to the ground and cried.
"Taste"
It tasted sour, though not in a pleasant sweet-and-sour chicken way. It was bitter and somewhat chalky. The dryness of it made her mouth water. She grabbed the bottle of water on the table next to her and downed half of it. The taste in her mouth would not go away.
He was moving and leaving her behind. She swallowed hard, trying to figure out how to respond. It wasn’t like their relationship would be any different, really… They would still talk online and on the phone everyday and she would probably still only see him on weekends and even then only rarely. The fact remained that when faced with the news of his move, however temporary it was, she was left tasting an inexorably vile reminder of his departure.
She wasn’t particularly keen on how he’d told her, either. Enthusiastic about his new job and oblivious to how moving out of town could affect their relationship; he’d all but been jumping up and down in joy. She’d tried really hard to be happy for him but the unpleasant taste of abandonment was heavy in her mouth and her smile wouldn’t come. It was all she could do not to throw the phone across the room when they hung up. She stared blankly at the wall then back down at the phone.
Of course, she didn’t say anything that would let on about the horrid taste in her mouth. He’d write it off and tell her that her feelings were ridiculous. Then she would feel worse. That was how all of their fights played out. She stood up and walked into the other room to hang the phone up on the hook. Leaving it in its place, she walked down the stairs and out the front door. She stepped off her front porch into the rain. The sour taste in her mouth started to dissipate. Inside she could hear the phone ring.
She slid to the ground and cried.