you know, it's funny. because i started being a fan of la roja about one month after euros, after that amazing, golden time. it's one of my biggest regrets that i missed that tournament, that i missed all those matches, that i missed that penalty shootout, that i could have been watching but wasn't. i'm a new fan. judge me how you will for that. and i feel like a new fan in so many ways, even though this is heading into my third season as a fan of real madrid, and even though i have absorbed and followed this sport, my teams, and the players i love with a fervency of a zealot. i'm still a new fan. i don't have an epic story. i don't have a family history. none of my (known) family is from spain. none of them speak spanish. we're not a football watching family. i don't deserve maybe to be in the same group of fans as people who have loved and supported the spanish national team their whole lives, but here i am. i don't care to admit that i'm a new fan. i don't have any shame in it, and i don't feel intimidated or impressed by people who have been fans for years longer than me, or lifetimes longer than me because i know how much i love this team, this country, and no other person in the world could lower that, or diminish that.
that being said, i cannot believe i am getting to witness this. last summer during the confederations cup, i was brought back down to reality after that defeat to the united states. i have no loyalty to the usmnt, and having to endure that defeat while listening to american commentators and surrounded by americans/american press just... hurt me. a lot. it was good though, in the way that real madrid defeats are good for me. it was good because i learned that day how much i really really love spain, how i love that team for who they are and how i love them no matter what, and, just like with real madrid, i felt that love so much more profoundly when they lost. i fell off my high horse, basically. and i went into this world cup a lot more humbly. i have had an unwavering faith in this team, even when it's felt so scary and even when, after the ninety minutes, we've lost. i knew we could do everything we've done. somehow. i knew. and while i'm saying this to an audience of football fans, to so many of you who are fans of this sport and fans of this team, while you understand that, most people in my life don't, you know? and i'm sure it's the same way with a lot of you. no one understands the importance of this, of this moment. i was at work at 2pm today with my head in my hands, trying to force myself to breathe. because my boys were starting their battle, and i couldn't be there to witness it, to send them my love and my strength in particular moments when they mostmost needed it (futile as it may be, it's what i believe). so i waited for five hours, i got a ride home and ran into the house and we started watching and it was almost unbearable, the anticipation. i don't get off on it. it breaks me. i was so ready to just pause it and check the fucking score somewhere because i almost couldn't handle it. but we settled in and watched the match and it's so wonderful and amusing and lovely because my family has fallen in love with the spanish national team. my sister loves villa. she updates her facebook status about him! and my brother has really gotten into football and he loves nando so much. he worries over him and supports him and screams at anyone who even looks at him wrong, and when he was subbed on tonight, he screamed almost as loudly as i did! and when puyol scored, when that amazing, amazing man scored. GOD. we all lost it. we all lost it. :) i cannot wait for the final. i can't wait.
i can't believe i've gotten to witness this. that i've already witnessed history for this team. that villa is a single goal away from tying raúl's record, and no matter how much it will hurt me when he meets and breaks that record, i will be so proud of him. because he is unbelievable. xabi alonso is so amazing. pedro is incredible. piqué for the most part, has been so fabulous. sergio busquets keeps on surprising me, wonderfully so. llorente and javi martínez and iniesta and of course xavi. and capdevila's passes have been really nice and jesús navas is like a dream. iker casillas is motherfucking back, i don't know if you guys noticed. :) (shame on those people who doubted him.) i liked nando's fire tonight. i liked the way he was moving, his approach. i know he didn't have much time, but i really liked what i saw. i have faith in him, too. i really mean that.
my man of the tournament is sergio ramos. i don't care how biased i am. he has blown me away. he has reached a level of maturity in this tournament that is just... beautiful. it's all coming together with him. he's so exciting and so beautiful to watch. (no, i don't mean physically.) when my love and admiration and pride for that boy can be enhanced, it's something special. god, how many goals has he almost scored? AHHHHH he deserves one SO MUCH.
i love spain. i love spain so much. you guys know this. i know it's pretty much all i talk about, unless i'm talking about sergio. i know i'm a broken record about it, but... god, i do. i just love that country. i love the history and the culture and the people and the music and the passion and the food and the particular spirit of its people, all of it, the infusion of each thing into the other to create the most incredible country. spain is just unreal. it's addictive and heady and beautiful and all of that comes across with this team, with their football, with their passion and strength and their fight.
we can win this. we can. i have no doubt. i love the netherlands, i adore the dutch national team, i LOVE so many of their players. this isn't about them at all. this is about us. because this is our year, this is our moment. it really, honestly is. this exact team, the exact moments of beauty and magic that got us into this final on sunday, the pain and joy that all of us, all of the fans who have been watching since the beginning or maybe the ones who have fallen in love along the way, all of it is what has gotten us to this point. there are other amazing national teams. i really love so many other teams that it's difficult to watch them play against each other, and it's been hard to see most of them drop away. but no other team is just like spain. no other team has the kind of closeness ours does, the exact way they love each other, the way it's a big family, the way that club colors honestly don't matter, the only colors that matter are sangre y oro. there is a magic about this team that no other team in the world has. and again, i may be biased because my world revolves around them, because i follow their everyday lives, but even people i've spoken to who just started watching them in this world cup, they see how they're special. all of this has been meant to happen. every tiny moment has led up to this sunday, to that trophy in iker's beautiful pale hands. this isn't an accident. this is fate. this is our moment because we have earned it.
i would give anything to be in spain right now. to experience it with spaniards who love like no one else in the world, their strange and beautiful love. i want to be there to experience this with them. i know i'm not spanish, that i can never be spanish, but i feel it. i have a spanish heart, and i can't help it. this is my national team and i love them so, so, so much.