did the wind sweep you off your feet.
i have to write before i go to sleep because then i'm going to be up and going to madrid and once i get into madrid, everything i want to say tonight will be gone. tonight, a lot of things finally fell into place for me. i understand why people travel. i understand what it means to really fall in love with a city. i understand how it's a longing different than any other in the world. i've had to learn to say goodbye to something i love. it's so painful. it's painful to be sitting in this room in this city and knowing that it's my last night here, that the city is just out there and i'm in here and... and tomorrow it will go on without me, like it has for thousands of years before i ever came. because i've only been here for five days and that isn't anything in the grand scheme of things, it's just a grain of sand on a beach, really. sevilla is why i was meant to come to spain, i think. even after everything i've experienced in madrid, all the people i've met and seen, sevilla is what has stirred me. andalucía in general, but sevilla. i was nervous about coming because i'd talked to a few people in madrid and they'd all said that sevilla isn't as great as it seemed, that spending a week there is the perfect amount of time because after that, you've seen everything. well let me tell you: i completely disagree. i could make you a list right now of at least ten things i want to do. ten things that make me want to miss my bus back to madrid tomorrow so i could start working on that list. things i want to re-visit. things i want to re-visit everyday of my life. i can't believe people live here. that they have this city everyday. there is so much history and presence and weight and so many stories and so much... duende. yeah. that's the only word i can come up with. there is so much duende in this city that it's tangible. there's a spirit in sevilla. it kept hitting me all day, just little moments that reminded me of that. there's a mood here and it fits perfectly in my heart.
i did a lot of things today. i spent the entire day just soaking up this city as much as i can. that's the thing about spain. it will give you as much as you want. it will give and give because it's bottomless. and if you're ever here and you feel like you've had too much of everything, please just keep taking. absorb as much of spain as you can because it's incredible. it's exactly what i thought it would be. it's even more than that. more than my brain could ever comprehend. i can't remember a time when i wasn't here right at this very second. i can't comprehend not being here.
i was awoken this morning by one of the most consuming sounds i've ever heard, but i wasn't afraid at all, for some reason. it was a rhythmic, deep sound that was absolutely everywhere and somehow i knew that it was a procession, a procession against all possibility on these tiny streets of triana. so i dragged myself out of bed and pulled last night's dress on and walked achy and bleary-eyed into the street to watch it.
i love how deeply religious sevilla is. i grew up on the buckle of the bible belt, so religion is no novelty to me. but it's the particular way that sevilla is religious, it's the way ritual and religion is so deep in the its very bones. it's reverent and fervent and genuine and it's a part of everyday life. every day. i'm here smackdab in the middle of the corpus christi celebrations, so all week has been so beautiful around the city. as i was watching the procession, i couldn't help but feel moved. my opinion about religion has changed since i've been here. i never thought i would say that. the smell of the incense and the rosemary and everyone carrying handfuls of wheat. the stations set up all over the streets. it really felt like i was dreaming.
and last night i got to see real flamenco. la carbonería in el barrio santa cruz is spectacular. it's kind of a hard place to find but it's so worth it. it's huge once you go in, and instead of having round tables with chairs around them there's more of a cafeteria style setup with wood blocks for benches. i got my tinto verano and sat down unwittingly right beside the stage. most everyone around me was american or british or australian and so i was a bit nervous. but i'd heard a lot of tourists come but the show was still amazing. after about half an hour, i saw a boy walk in. and i kind of stopped what i was doing and was like "um." and guess what? he had a guitar. of course. he was the guitarist for the evening. i tried not to stare at him too much but i wasn't very successful and finallyfinally they took the stage. it was my guitarist boy and a guy with really really long hair singing and a woman that was like fire personified and who was beautiful and terrifying and strong and she was the leader and also the dancer, of course. they blew my mind. the beautiful guitarist who i could not stop watching and who i could not stop taking pictures of (warning) was a madman on the guitar. at the end of the evening (the show was four parts and FREE), he had a ten-minute just. freeflow session on stage. just played and played and played and god. i was just on fire. and the rhythm and how fucking loud they got, how hard palms hit palms and palms hit thighs and fingers hit strings and shoes hit wood and voices hit ancient walls and it was overwhelming and unbelievable. i wish i'd gotten to see more and more and more. if i lived here, i'd be there every saturday night without fail. there were entirely too many people but it was worth it, without a doubt. the second show was in the other part of the building, in a stage built kind of into the side of the building and for the first part of it, i was wedged in the doorway across the room from everyone. and my little guitarist had to sit on a bench beside someone who was there to watch the show and i hated myself for not sitting there. so after the first part of the second show, a lot of people randomly left! so i go across the room and sit in a corner next to the stage. (i was way too shy to sit next to where i knew he was going to sit.) i ended up sitting behind him and then when he did his solo, he got up and moved to the center of the stage and i could see him perfectly. it was strange though because i was kind of in their little offstage area? so they were like gathered around me between songs and everyone was staring at me/toward me and ahh. but anyway. after the show, the guitarist lingered near me putting things in his guitar case and i know he knew i had watched him the whole night and he was probably waiting for me to say something to him but i was too shy. i couldn't. :( so he walked away and took my heart and that's how it goes.
after lunch today i headed into sevilla to look for a sunday market in a search for something good for my mother, but said market was nowhere to be found. so i trekked over through the city a bit and decided to go to the cathedral. and guess what? turns out it was closed today for all but two hours. and i'd gotten there ten minutes before those two hours were going to begin. it was fate that i missed that market because otherwise i wouldn't have gotten to go to the cathedral, and after having seen it, i know it would have been one of the biggest regrets of my life.
the tragic thing about the cathedral is how impossible it is to capture its size. it is immense. immense. it's the third largest cathedral in the world. it's like the sixth largest in the history of the world. it's the largest gothic cathedral in the world. it is over the top and overwhelming and vaster than i can type out. and it was exquisite. my pictures from it are horrible because the lighting in there is meant for worship and not for photography, but that's okay. i can't believe people actually worship there. i would love to see a mass there. or just... anything. incredible. it's incredible. but my favorite part was la giralda, of course. it's a 34-floor hike up the tower that was built in the 1184 by the moors but my god. the view of the city from there. i could have stayed there all day. it was so hard for me to walk away. i think that was the precise moment that i truly fell in love with sevilla. seeing it from that viewpoint in all of its glory and knowing so many of the parts of it from my short time here and being able to spot them, i just... realized how much i love it here. and the wind that swept through that tower. i feel silly trying to express how much the wind means to me, but it really is spiritual to me. it's that level, you know? the wind was rushing around me and my hair and my skirt were flying and it felt so... infinite. the moment and the city and my connection to it. it felt endless. i still don't know how i managed to leave.
afterwards, i walked to el parque maría luísa to try and get pictures of the bridge i have been searching for since i got to sevilla (and i had a feeling it would be at this park. i went the night before and finally found it and nearly cried when i did and tried to take pictures of it and within the span of a single, literal minute, got hit on by two men. while i was photographing. with headphones on. CLEARLY I DON'T WANT TO BE BOTHERED. ughh. the second guy was cute though.) but before the park, i went to the plaza de españa and ohmygod. sevilla's plaza de españa >>>>>> madrid's plaza de españa. it's amazing! they have alcoves with benches made out of ceramic tiles dedicated to every province in spain. i'd seen so many pictures of it and they, of course, like all photographs, don't do it justice. i found the shadiest free alcove (which just so happened to be the balearic islands: i decided that maybe sitting there would give rafa luck and within the hour rey texted me and told me that he'd won roland garros!) and proceeded to stay there for two hours, listening to josé mercé and napping. i had to again drag myself away or i would have stayed there all day and i went in the park which is just magical. seriously. it's like being in a jungle and a secret garden and the woods and a fairy land all at once. so many fountains and statues and flowers and hidden paths and overgrowing plants. and that bridge. it's one of my three favorite things in sevilla (along with the river and la giralda) and it looks impossible. it's just so beautiful. the setting is so beautiful. so i took about fifty pictures of it and wandered around the park and then left. i promised jess i'd get her some dirt from the maestranza (they sell it in bottles for €6 in their gift shop but i got it for free along the side alley, ha!) so i went there. and then i decided to be super touristy and take one of those double decker tour buses of the city. and i am so, so glad i did. it was just me and two other people on the top of the bus, and it was late in the evening so the sun was gentle and the breeze felt so, so good and it was so beautiful up there, with that view of the city. it took about an hour and i had an audio guide (which i loved, i love audio guides. it makes you appreciate what you're seeing so much more when you know the story behind what you're looking at) and within the first five minutes i was crying. he said something about how homer wrote sevilla as his paradise, about how sevilla is written into the bible (it apparently says that its citizens' lives are written it verse.) and we went into triana. in a tour bus! hahaha. i don't know how it fit. and there were old women standing on balconies and i waved at them and everyone of them waved back, every time. at the end of the tour, the guide said "sevilla will wait for you until you return." god.
it was almost 9.30p then and i was hungry, but as i was walking toward the bridge back to triana, i saw one of the riverboats that give tours. and the sun was about to set and i thought "god, this would be the perfect day and the perfect time of day to be out on that river." and so i went.
i cannot think of a single thing i could have done better on my last evening in sevilla. again, it was just me and two more people, and so i took my shoes off and sat right at the tip of the deck against the railing on the floor and just stared out at that beautiful river and this beautiful city. the sun was setting and the sky was about a thousand different colors and the water was glittering and everything was silhouettes. the tour was another hour, so it was dark by the time we got back. on the trip back, for the last half hour the other two women went to the other side of the boat, so i had my side all to myself. i just tucked up against the railing and pressed my face against the bars and let the wind overwhelm me and just memorized the city as much as i could, the exact smell of the air and the way the wind feels and the river sounds and the pace of its people and the smell of the food and the music everywhere, tucked in corners and on tiny streets until they're only whispers. i took out a baggie and caught the wind in it and tied it up tight to keep it for when i get home and i miss this city so much it will hurt to breathe. and again, i didn't want to get off the boat. i didn't want it to end. i didn't want to say goodbye.
but i went back to triana and stopped to get tapas and the food was literally some of the best food i have ever eaten anywhere. there was a family beside me the whole time, and when i got up to leave, the grandfather followed me out and asked me for a photograph. i thought he meant he wanted me to take a picture of he and his family so i said yes. but then his son came out and the guy stands beside me and i'm like "...um." and he's like "can i put my arm around you?" and i was like "yes?" and so he took the picture! what! he said "i want to remember you very much." so i said okay and told them to have a good night and walked away. i still have no idea why. i have no idea.
okay it's after 4am and i have to be up at 730 for an eight and a half hour trip back to madrid tomorrow. i don't want to sleep because it means that i'll have to leave sooner.
this is so much harder than i thought it would be.
i did a lot of things today. i spent the entire day just soaking up this city as much as i can. that's the thing about spain. it will give you as much as you want. it will give and give because it's bottomless. and if you're ever here and you feel like you've had too much of everything, please just keep taking. absorb as much of spain as you can because it's incredible. it's exactly what i thought it would be. it's even more than that. more than my brain could ever comprehend. i can't remember a time when i wasn't here right at this very second. i can't comprehend not being here.
i was awoken this morning by one of the most consuming sounds i've ever heard, but i wasn't afraid at all, for some reason. it was a rhythmic, deep sound that was absolutely everywhere and somehow i knew that it was a procession, a procession against all possibility on these tiny streets of triana. so i dragged myself out of bed and pulled last night's dress on and walked achy and bleary-eyed into the street to watch it.
i love how deeply religious sevilla is. i grew up on the buckle of the bible belt, so religion is no novelty to me. but it's the particular way that sevilla is religious, it's the way ritual and religion is so deep in the its very bones. it's reverent and fervent and genuine and it's a part of everyday life. every day. i'm here smackdab in the middle of the corpus christi celebrations, so all week has been so beautiful around the city. as i was watching the procession, i couldn't help but feel moved. my opinion about religion has changed since i've been here. i never thought i would say that. the smell of the incense and the rosemary and everyone carrying handfuls of wheat. the stations set up all over the streets. it really felt like i was dreaming.
and last night i got to see real flamenco. la carbonería in el barrio santa cruz is spectacular. it's kind of a hard place to find but it's so worth it. it's huge once you go in, and instead of having round tables with chairs around them there's more of a cafeteria style setup with wood blocks for benches. i got my tinto verano and sat down unwittingly right beside the stage. most everyone around me was american or british or australian and so i was a bit nervous. but i'd heard a lot of tourists come but the show was still amazing. after about half an hour, i saw a boy walk in. and i kind of stopped what i was doing and was like "um." and guess what? he had a guitar. of course. he was the guitarist for the evening. i tried not to stare at him too much but i wasn't very successful and finallyfinally they took the stage. it was my guitarist boy and a guy with really really long hair singing and a woman that was like fire personified and who was beautiful and terrifying and strong and she was the leader and also the dancer, of course. they blew my mind. the beautiful guitarist who i could not stop watching and who i could not stop taking pictures of (warning) was a madman on the guitar. at the end of the evening (the show was four parts and FREE), he had a ten-minute just. freeflow session on stage. just played and played and played and god. i was just on fire. and the rhythm and how fucking loud they got, how hard palms hit palms and palms hit thighs and fingers hit strings and shoes hit wood and voices hit ancient walls and it was overwhelming and unbelievable. i wish i'd gotten to see more and more and more. if i lived here, i'd be there every saturday night without fail. there were entirely too many people but it was worth it, without a doubt. the second show was in the other part of the building, in a stage built kind of into the side of the building and for the first part of it, i was wedged in the doorway across the room from everyone. and my little guitarist had to sit on a bench beside someone who was there to watch the show and i hated myself for not sitting there. so after the first part of the second show, a lot of people randomly left! so i go across the room and sit in a corner next to the stage. (i was way too shy to sit next to where i knew he was going to sit.) i ended up sitting behind him and then when he did his solo, he got up and moved to the center of the stage and i could see him perfectly. it was strange though because i was kind of in their little offstage area? so they were like gathered around me between songs and everyone was staring at me/toward me and ahh. but anyway. after the show, the guitarist lingered near me putting things in his guitar case and i know he knew i had watched him the whole night and he was probably waiting for me to say something to him but i was too shy. i couldn't. :( so he walked away and took my heart and that's how it goes.
after lunch today i headed into sevilla to look for a sunday market in a search for something good for my mother, but said market was nowhere to be found. so i trekked over through the city a bit and decided to go to the cathedral. and guess what? turns out it was closed today for all but two hours. and i'd gotten there ten minutes before those two hours were going to begin. it was fate that i missed that market because otherwise i wouldn't have gotten to go to the cathedral, and after having seen it, i know it would have been one of the biggest regrets of my life.
the tragic thing about the cathedral is how impossible it is to capture its size. it is immense. immense. it's the third largest cathedral in the world. it's like the sixth largest in the history of the world. it's the largest gothic cathedral in the world. it is over the top and overwhelming and vaster than i can type out. and it was exquisite. my pictures from it are horrible because the lighting in there is meant for worship and not for photography, but that's okay. i can't believe people actually worship there. i would love to see a mass there. or just... anything. incredible. it's incredible. but my favorite part was la giralda, of course. it's a 34-floor hike up the tower that was built in the 1184 by the moors but my god. the view of the city from there. i could have stayed there all day. it was so hard for me to walk away. i think that was the precise moment that i truly fell in love with sevilla. seeing it from that viewpoint in all of its glory and knowing so many of the parts of it from my short time here and being able to spot them, i just... realized how much i love it here. and the wind that swept through that tower. i feel silly trying to express how much the wind means to me, but it really is spiritual to me. it's that level, you know? the wind was rushing around me and my hair and my skirt were flying and it felt so... infinite. the moment and the city and my connection to it. it felt endless. i still don't know how i managed to leave.
afterwards, i walked to el parque maría luísa to try and get pictures of the bridge i have been searching for since i got to sevilla (and i had a feeling it would be at this park. i went the night before and finally found it and nearly cried when i did and tried to take pictures of it and within the span of a single, literal minute, got hit on by two men. while i was photographing. with headphones on. CLEARLY I DON'T WANT TO BE BOTHERED. ughh. the second guy was cute though.) but before the park, i went to the plaza de españa and ohmygod. sevilla's plaza de españa >>>>>> madrid's plaza de españa. it's amazing! they have alcoves with benches made out of ceramic tiles dedicated to every province in spain. i'd seen so many pictures of it and they, of course, like all photographs, don't do it justice. i found the shadiest free alcove (which just so happened to be the balearic islands: i decided that maybe sitting there would give rafa luck and within the hour rey texted me and told me that he'd won roland garros!) and proceeded to stay there for two hours, listening to josé mercé and napping. i had to again drag myself away or i would have stayed there all day and i went in the park which is just magical. seriously. it's like being in a jungle and a secret garden and the woods and a fairy land all at once. so many fountains and statues and flowers and hidden paths and overgrowing plants. and that bridge. it's one of my three favorite things in sevilla (along with the river and la giralda) and it looks impossible. it's just so beautiful. the setting is so beautiful. so i took about fifty pictures of it and wandered around the park and then left. i promised jess i'd get her some dirt from the maestranza (they sell it in bottles for €6 in their gift shop but i got it for free along the side alley, ha!) so i went there. and then i decided to be super touristy and take one of those double decker tour buses of the city. and i am so, so glad i did. it was just me and two other people on the top of the bus, and it was late in the evening so the sun was gentle and the breeze felt so, so good and it was so beautiful up there, with that view of the city. it took about an hour and i had an audio guide (which i loved, i love audio guides. it makes you appreciate what you're seeing so much more when you know the story behind what you're looking at) and within the first five minutes i was crying. he said something about how homer wrote sevilla as his paradise, about how sevilla is written into the bible (it apparently says that its citizens' lives are written it verse.) and we went into triana. in a tour bus! hahaha. i don't know how it fit. and there were old women standing on balconies and i waved at them and everyone of them waved back, every time. at the end of the tour, the guide said "sevilla will wait for you until you return." god.
it was almost 9.30p then and i was hungry, but as i was walking toward the bridge back to triana, i saw one of the riverboats that give tours. and the sun was about to set and i thought "god, this would be the perfect day and the perfect time of day to be out on that river." and so i went.
i cannot think of a single thing i could have done better on my last evening in sevilla. again, it was just me and two more people, and so i took my shoes off and sat right at the tip of the deck against the railing on the floor and just stared out at that beautiful river and this beautiful city. the sun was setting and the sky was about a thousand different colors and the water was glittering and everything was silhouettes. the tour was another hour, so it was dark by the time we got back. on the trip back, for the last half hour the other two women went to the other side of the boat, so i had my side all to myself. i just tucked up against the railing and pressed my face against the bars and let the wind overwhelm me and just memorized the city as much as i could, the exact smell of the air and the way the wind feels and the river sounds and the pace of its people and the smell of the food and the music everywhere, tucked in corners and on tiny streets until they're only whispers. i took out a baggie and caught the wind in it and tied it up tight to keep it for when i get home and i miss this city so much it will hurt to breathe. and again, i didn't want to get off the boat. i didn't want it to end. i didn't want to say goodbye.
but i went back to triana and stopped to get tapas and the food was literally some of the best food i have ever eaten anywhere. there was a family beside me the whole time, and when i got up to leave, the grandfather followed me out and asked me for a photograph. i thought he meant he wanted me to take a picture of he and his family so i said yes. but then his son came out and the guy stands beside me and i'm like "...um." and he's like "can i put my arm around you?" and i was like "yes?" and so he took the picture! what! he said "i want to remember you very much." so i said okay and told them to have a good night and walked away. i still have no idea why. i have no idea.
okay it's after 4am and i have to be up at 730 for an eight and a half hour trip back to madrid tomorrow. i don't want to sleep because it means that i'll have to leave sooner.
this is so much harder than i thought it would be.