typiquement
i crave everything.
i crave attention, i crave equality, i crave justice, i crave love.
strangely enough, the people who should be able to provide this - my family, seem to fail at this task.
as we develop into adults, we are forced to believe in the sanctity of relation. family is the most important - you can always count on your relatives.
so far, i'd agree. i can always count on ian. i'm going to say i can always count on mom even though i just don't think she has the resources to do so.
i can, by no means, count on anyone else in my family. it seems that i am nothing but a burden on their lives.
sadly, i chose to stay at home (in greenville) this summer so that i could spend time with them one last time. possibly reconcile things.
apparently, that will never happen. it might be some hang up that i have. i have this uncanny ability to take all emotion out of every situation possible - thus making every thing extremely business-like.
focus:
today was a bad day. i have been constantly thinking of the car issue (i don't have one). brian told me not to worry about this, but we "need to have a talk." i don't even know if that's good or bad, but my nature is to worry. also, i decided to do a bit of shopping to ease the nerves today. as i checked my account a day and a half ago, i had well over 100 bucks. well, i didn't. i withdrew too much money. i must now ask for money from my grandparents.
that just adds so much shit to the pile.
and god knows that pile is too fucking big and smelly anyways.
i crave attention, i crave equality, i crave justice, i crave love.
strangely enough, the people who should be able to provide this - my family, seem to fail at this task.
as we develop into adults, we are forced to believe in the sanctity of relation. family is the most important - you can always count on your relatives.
so far, i'd agree. i can always count on ian. i'm going to say i can always count on mom even though i just don't think she has the resources to do so.
i can, by no means, count on anyone else in my family. it seems that i am nothing but a burden on their lives.
sadly, i chose to stay at home (in greenville) this summer so that i could spend time with them one last time. possibly reconcile things.
apparently, that will never happen. it might be some hang up that i have. i have this uncanny ability to take all emotion out of every situation possible - thus making every thing extremely business-like.
focus:
today was a bad day. i have been constantly thinking of the car issue (i don't have one). brian told me not to worry about this, but we "need to have a talk." i don't even know if that's good or bad, but my nature is to worry. also, i decided to do a bit of shopping to ease the nerves today. as i checked my account a day and a half ago, i had well over 100 bucks. well, i didn't. i withdrew too much money. i must now ask for money from my grandparents.
that just adds so much shit to the pile.
and god knows that pile is too fucking big and smelly anyways.