(no subject)
work, what an overused word. getting paid for my time is not work. it is ridiculous.
moving on to something worth a damned, the new year.
well hopefully the new year will be worth a damned. frankly, i don't want this year to end.
there were too many things that fulfilled my life, i've never been prouder of myself, i've never seen myself quite this way. something in me changed this year, and i love it.
1/4 of the year was spent in france - what more could i ask for?
rich. i met rich. he visited me in france, took me to switzerland.
that's what i could ask for.
well i asked, i received and now i have more agony pulsing through my body, potentially more agony than blood, than i can handle.
rich is too far away. he's too cryptic. he's too perfect. he's too undisciplined. he's too much (at times).
he called me today at work, he was genuinely surprised that i answered the phone. we talked about nothing really for a little while, then we hung up. nothing big.
well i was released from the lovely job at the oh-so-glamorous gas station around 8. he calls around 830. he questions me and my plans for new years (coincidentally nothing at all). his friends from VT decided to renig on their trip to atlanta. thus, rich is left with basically nothing to do. he throws out the idea of him coming to see me - by his demeanor, i knew he had been drinking so i said no. it killed me.
and he kept inquiring on whether we'd be able to .... when he comes this next weekend. i said no. he has no self-discipline and i do. we decided a few days ago that i would be responsible for saying no in these situations so as to not hurt myself further. i said no.
bravo isaac bravo
you stayed true to your word, but you killed yourself in the process. you tore your own foundation, your own philosophy to the ground. one can no longer express pure care or love for someone due to an innate vice - pride.
too often pride drives me. too often.
now, i hurt myself. not the usual hurt myself, i hurt myself.
rich, i do love you.
i may not express it always, but i do.
never ever doubt it.
moving on to something worth a damned, the new year.
well hopefully the new year will be worth a damned. frankly, i don't want this year to end.
there were too many things that fulfilled my life, i've never been prouder of myself, i've never seen myself quite this way. something in me changed this year, and i love it.
1/4 of the year was spent in france - what more could i ask for?
rich. i met rich. he visited me in france, took me to switzerland.
that's what i could ask for.
well i asked, i received and now i have more agony pulsing through my body, potentially more agony than blood, than i can handle.
rich is too far away. he's too cryptic. he's too perfect. he's too undisciplined. he's too much (at times).
he called me today at work, he was genuinely surprised that i answered the phone. we talked about nothing really for a little while, then we hung up. nothing big.
well i was released from the lovely job at the oh-so-glamorous gas station around 8. he calls around 830. he questions me and my plans for new years (coincidentally nothing at all). his friends from VT decided to renig on their trip to atlanta. thus, rich is left with basically nothing to do. he throws out the idea of him coming to see me - by his demeanor, i knew he had been drinking so i said no. it killed me.
and he kept inquiring on whether we'd be able to .... when he comes this next weekend. i said no. he has no self-discipline and i do. we decided a few days ago that i would be responsible for saying no in these situations so as to not hurt myself further. i said no.
bravo isaac bravo
you stayed true to your word, but you killed yourself in the process. you tore your own foundation, your own philosophy to the ground. one can no longer express pure care or love for someone due to an innate vice - pride.
too often pride drives me. too often.
now, i hurt myself. not the usual hurt myself, i hurt myself.
rich, i do love you.
i may not express it always, but i do.
never ever doubt it.