He's gone....
Coconut got put down at 11am today. I know it was right. He was soo sick. I was watching my baby cousin this morning, so that eased things a bit, but now he's gone home and I'm alone in a catless house for the first time since I was 4. I made plans to get out of the house for dinner so i dont have to face mom tonight. As a kid my parents never cried in front of me or let me know anything was wrong, so seeing it as an adult... I can't handle it, So I have to escape and/or ignore it. Then I feel guilty. I hate wailing like a 2-year old and I hate knowing I can't make it better, not even for myself. I don't even want to eat. I did anyway, but I don't want any of my comfort foods.
I should be packing. I should be cleaning. I should be sewing. But instead I'm tucked into bed, poking around online and randomly breaking down into tears. I can't get myself going enough to even think about a distraction>