(no subject)
So, I wanted to share this here and see if anyone had any thoughts.
I've been putting off contacting my birth parents, and I finally got sick of it and just sent the damn letters. My main reason for contact was curiosity, I wanted a picture. I wrote them both basically the same thing. Saying my name, birth date, birthplace. Then explaining that it had taken me awhile to write, but that I wanted to see a picture and that I'd return the favor. That I wasn't sure what beyond that I wanted to happen. And then, just a thank you, since I do like being around =]
My birth dad contacted me right away and was very eager to connect. He also asked a lot about what I knew of my birth mom, that he had tried to find her after she disappeared a year after my birth. I told him I wasn't comfortable getting involved since I had no idea what their relationship was like and whatnot. He dropped it.
Then a month or more longer, I got a letter from my birth mom. The weirdest, saddest letter I've ever received. She was all over the place, and it seemed like she had never dealt with me being born or adopted, and she just seemed like a very sad, emotionally unstable person. She said she didn't remember when I was born, that she might be my birth mom (I did know it was her, but apparently that wasn't clear in the letter I sent her). That she didn't remember much of the birth. Then she went into all this "your family is your family now, not to be cold but..." which seemed very left-field, as I wasn't pushy about anything. Then at the end it changed to "I wait in anticipation and hope" for a letter back saying that I wanted her to look for pictures. Just a side note, but the handwriting even seemed to change.
The thing is, I understand how hard it is. I also think she's going through a divorce, as she is no longer living at her home address with the name of her and her husband, she living in an entirely different state with her son. Who isn't that much younger than me. I feel bad for her, she obviously carries a lot of pain. I'm not really taking it personally, since I don't know her. And I don't really need her. That sounds harsh, but I have plenty of family. I was just curious. And actually my birth dad sent a picture of them together, so that part of my mind is eased.
So, I just really couldn't write her back. I just don't need the baggage and drama. I want to write her and say something. Just to try and ease her mind. But I don't want to. I don't feel like it's my responsibility. And I'm feeling kinda guilty about it. Because when I got the letter I talked to my birth dad about it to try and figure it out. And hear what she had been like at the time. And it's obvious that he's a caring person and wants to know she's ok. And she's obviously not.
I'm wondering if I should give him the address and let him contact her since I'm not going to. Or do you think I should? Have some duty to? I don't think I'll agree, but I want to hear any side of the argument.
Thanks for listening...
**So apparently I suck at writing my thoughts out, because I couldn't have been more misunderstood, obviously. And also, fuck you guys, 'cause all I needed was some encouragement, really, and all you've given me is more fear for crazies like you (I assume most that didn't indicate are birth moms). So, thanks.
I've been putting off contacting my birth parents, and I finally got sick of it and just sent the damn letters. My main reason for contact was curiosity, I wanted a picture. I wrote them both basically the same thing. Saying my name, birth date, birthplace. Then explaining that it had taken me awhile to write, but that I wanted to see a picture and that I'd return the favor. That I wasn't sure what beyond that I wanted to happen. And then, just a thank you, since I do like being around =]
My birth dad contacted me right away and was very eager to connect. He also asked a lot about what I knew of my birth mom, that he had tried to find her after she disappeared a year after my birth. I told him I wasn't comfortable getting involved since I had no idea what their relationship was like and whatnot. He dropped it.
Then a month or more longer, I got a letter from my birth mom. The weirdest, saddest letter I've ever received. She was all over the place, and it seemed like she had never dealt with me being born or adopted, and she just seemed like a very sad, emotionally unstable person. She said she didn't remember when I was born, that she might be my birth mom (I did know it was her, but apparently that wasn't clear in the letter I sent her). That she didn't remember much of the birth. Then she went into all this "your family is your family now, not to be cold but..." which seemed very left-field, as I wasn't pushy about anything. Then at the end it changed to "I wait in anticipation and hope" for a letter back saying that I wanted her to look for pictures. Just a side note, but the handwriting even seemed to change.
The thing is, I understand how hard it is. I also think she's going through a divorce, as she is no longer living at her home address with the name of her and her husband, she living in an entirely different state with her son. Who isn't that much younger than me. I feel bad for her, she obviously carries a lot of pain. I'm not really taking it personally, since I don't know her. And I don't really need her. That sounds harsh, but I have plenty of family. I was just curious. And actually my birth dad sent a picture of them together, so that part of my mind is eased.
So, I just really couldn't write her back. I just don't need the baggage and drama. I want to write her and say something. Just to try and ease her mind. But I don't want to. I don't feel like it's my responsibility. And I'm feeling kinda guilty about it. Because when I got the letter I talked to my birth dad about it to try and figure it out. And hear what she had been like at the time. And it's obvious that he's a caring person and wants to know she's ok. And she's obviously not.
I'm wondering if I should give him the address and let him contact her since I'm not going to. Or do you think I should? Have some duty to? I don't think I'll agree, but I want to hear any side of the argument.
Thanks for listening...
**So apparently I suck at writing my thoughts out, because I couldn't have been more misunderstood, obviously. And also, fuck you guys, 'cause all I needed was some encouragement, really, and all you've given me is more fear for crazies like you (I assume most that didn't indicate are birth moms). So, thanks.