meeting birth mom on 12/16

[julisuz]

I'm meeting my birth mom whom I've had no contact with my entire life on 12/16. We're meeting at the adoption agency; she's bringing her husband & I'm bringing mine. Over the summer I received 16 bday cards (all but 9 years of my life) and a letter that she wrote the day after they took me away. I'm nervous but I'm meeting her the week after

Comments

[14pearl84]

I was really fortunate to have met a few mothers who had relinquished children to the same agency I was adopted through. This allowed me to ask questions that might have been uncomfortable to ask my mom right away and to hear about what happened to them. It worked well for me and this group of moms to share the perspectives. I totally recommend learning about what the moms went through and their perspective.(There are also some really good books about what the birth moms went through, like The Girls Who Went Away and also some good blogs written by moms on like blogger and typepad)

If you aren't ready to share something, don't. Consider what you need to feel safe and comfortable and don't waiver on that. For instance, when I met my family my boyfriend drove out with me (from Jersey to Wisconsin) and I told him not to leave me alone, except for bathroom trips until I felt okay. This made me really comfortable. We also had an agreement, since we were talking before meeting that if it got overwhelming we would end the day and call the next day to talk first. That never happened but knowing it was helpful.

I also drew up a list of my worst fears and biggest hopes about reunion. For example, I was terrified that I was either a rape baby or that my mother had died or that she would be mean. I was really hoping on the other hand that the family also had interest in visual arts and that they shared traits with me. I totally recommend this because it helps you to get in touch with what you are really feeling about reunion, adoption, etc. I needed to know I could handle absolutely anything before I jumped in, and I'm really glad I did this. I know its really hard when you have college and exams. I found my mom in April and met in July so I didn't have to worry. After finals sounds like a great time though, it allows you to digest without having to worry about school the next day.

Lastly, I had someone help us reunite, but once it came down to meeting I had them step back and let me do my own communicating. I'd use caution with allowing the adoption agency to stay involved after the meeting. It's always best to hear something directly from the person rather than playing telephone through someone else.