I cannot answer most of your questions. I can, however, give you some input on how an adoptive parent may view your feelings and interest. I met my son when he was 4 years-old, and we formally adopted each other when he was 8. His father was a substance abuser who provided no support to my boy, financial, emotional, or otherwise. He did not even respond to the service, when my boy's mother filed to have his parental rights terminated, so I could adopt him. Approximately a year ago, this man died from a drug overdose. Even though my son has been less than forthcoming about his feelings, which is pretty normal given his age (12), I know that it hurt him and my heart broke for him. It still hurts me to think that my son will have to go through life wondering what it could have been like to have known his biological father. I sincerely wish that he could have had the opportunity to decide for himself if this was someone he wanted to try and include in his life.
Additionally, in recent months, my son added his father's name to his facebook profile. His name is listed next to mine, both of us being shown as 'father'. A friend asked me if that bothered or angered me. My answer is no. The bond that I have with my son is ours alone. Nobody can change it, and neither of us is replaceable to the other. Knowing that he is curious to know who this man was, what part of him contributed to making my boy who he is, none of that changes the bond that my son and I have. He is my son, the biggest part of my heart, and I am his dad - not his father, but his dad - the one who has raised him for as long as he can remember, who taught him how to tie his shoes and ride a bike, who got to see his face light up the first time he went to the movies, laid eyes on the ocean, and so forth. Were his biological father living, knowing that he was curious to learn about this man would be neither frightening or hurtful. It is only natural, and human, to want to learn about your bloodline. And if your parents know how much you love them, and know that nothing will ever change who they are and what you have, I have confidence that they will feel the same way.
Additionally, in recent months, my son added his father's name to his facebook profile. His name is listed next to mine, both of us being shown as 'father'. A friend asked me if that bothered or angered me. My answer is no. The bond that I have with my son is ours alone. Nobody can change it, and neither of us is replaceable to the other. Knowing that he is curious to know who this man was, what part of him contributed to making my boy who he is, none of that changes the bond that my son and I have. He is my son, the biggest part of my heart, and I am his dad - not his father, but his dad - the one who has raised him for as long as he can remember, who taught him how to tie his shoes and ride a bike, who got to see his face light up the first time he went to the movies, laid eyes on the ocean, and so forth. Were his biological father living, knowing that he was curious to learn about this man would be neither frightening or hurtful. It is only natural, and human, to want to learn about your bloodline. And if your parents know how much you love them, and know that nothing will ever change who they are and what you have, I have confidence that they will feel the same way.
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