(no subject)
People come into and out or our lives for a reason.
I have heard that said so may times in my life, mainly it was one or both of my parents trying to sooth me down after yet another move during my childhood.
Someone from my past is trying to come into my life again after a long absence and I am not sure if I want this person in my life again.
Does that make me a bad person? Does that make me ungrateful for the hard lessons they taught me? I don't know. All I know is that they misused the time we had together and I don't feel like I am willing to let them do that again. I had blamed a lot of my being closed off to love and relationships to this person. For whatever reason they lied and used me and I don't feel like I have ever fully recovered. How do you recover from treachery like that?
I think that writing it down helps, I think that expressing these feelings I have kept from everyone, including myself for so long, helps. I don't know if I will allow them back into my life, I don't know if I can allow them back into my life. How do you forgive someone that has shook you to your very core? And when I was so young...
I am not sure if I am thankful for the lessons I learned. I thought I was a much happier person in my naivety, but I'm not unhappy with the person I am today.
I am lonely most of the time. I am alone a lot of the time now. I don't think I could have been alone before. Or am I giving this person too much power over whom I have become? Am I letting the work and personal growth I have worked so hard for over the past 7 years be credited to someone who was not strong enough to tell me the truth about themselves? Someone who was weak enough to lie to me; the person they professed to love more than anyone on this planet?
I am not sure what I will do. I am sure that whatever decision I make will either teach me or elevate me. Either way...even though I don't know it, I'm sure I've already made the decision.
Funny how that works isn't it? We pine over things then when it comes right down to it, the decision we made at the very beginning always seems to be the best option for us...
I have heard that said so may times in my life, mainly it was one or both of my parents trying to sooth me down after yet another move during my childhood.
Someone from my past is trying to come into my life again after a long absence and I am not sure if I want this person in my life again.
Does that make me a bad person? Does that make me ungrateful for the hard lessons they taught me? I don't know. All I know is that they misused the time we had together and I don't feel like I am willing to let them do that again. I had blamed a lot of my being closed off to love and relationships to this person. For whatever reason they lied and used me and I don't feel like I have ever fully recovered. How do you recover from treachery like that?
I think that writing it down helps, I think that expressing these feelings I have kept from everyone, including myself for so long, helps. I don't know if I will allow them back into my life, I don't know if I can allow them back into my life. How do you forgive someone that has shook you to your very core? And when I was so young...
I am not sure if I am thankful for the lessons I learned. I thought I was a much happier person in my naivety, but I'm not unhappy with the person I am today.
I am lonely most of the time. I am alone a lot of the time now. I don't think I could have been alone before. Or am I giving this person too much power over whom I have become? Am I letting the work and personal growth I have worked so hard for over the past 7 years be credited to someone who was not strong enough to tell me the truth about themselves? Someone who was weak enough to lie to me; the person they professed to love more than anyone on this planet?
I am not sure what I will do. I am sure that whatever decision I make will either teach me or elevate me. Either way...even though I don't know it, I'm sure I've already made the decision.
Funny how that works isn't it? We pine over things then when it comes right down to it, the decision we made at the very beginning always seems to be the best option for us...