Hubris
I will go to bed when I have written this...God I am in a melodramatic period of my life...although that is only one perspective. I see it like this. No-one ever achieved anything by pussyfotting around their emoitions or supressing how events actually effected them...So this my current "hurrah" flying in the face of everything, because I want it, I want it to burn and then maybe it will give me some kind of resolution...closure, anything.
*hold me*
I have written so many horrific lyrics tonight, some scare me. My mind is so fragile when it comes to the reality of human society...the way it treats it's members
*kiss me*
I can't keep doing this...I need to allow myself to let go of the things that scare me. the things I am afraid of...
end result should still be the same, I will leave school, go to University whilsty forming a good band, leave University and take on heaven...only then will I be happy. I just can't live a normal life, maybe I have a genetic defect which makes me crave this lack of normality...how I make everything confusing...because at the end of the day I never have any real fear of being alone...because its all "wood for the fire" I only fear the man it makes me when I become fearless, headstrong, so emotionally independant...the man that is si afraid he doesn't value the ones who love him...Because I do...
*try to silence me*
And it fills the cavity in my brain, because I know that the events in my life hafe led me here. My problems don't define me, they inspire me. My ex-boyfriends don't make me cry, they make me laugh with pity because they lack the forsight of their falling...I don't. I know that the life I want will cost me alot...and I might fail at it and achieve nothing...but I am aware of it...I am aware that my love burns...thats why I don't love people untill they are ready to be loved by me, and all the other random shit I could refered to here...Because what is left underneath it all? me..who am I?
*hold me*
I have written so many horrific lyrics tonight, some scare me. My mind is so fragile when it comes to the reality of human society...the way it treats it's members
*kiss me*
I can't keep doing this...I need to allow myself to let go of the things that scare me. the things I am afraid of...
end result should still be the same, I will leave school, go to University whilsty forming a good band, leave University and take on heaven...only then will I be happy. I just can't live a normal life, maybe I have a genetic defect which makes me crave this lack of normality...how I make everything confusing...because at the end of the day I never have any real fear of being alone...because its all "wood for the fire" I only fear the man it makes me when I become fearless, headstrong, so emotionally independant...the man that is si afraid he doesn't value the ones who love him...Because I do...
*try to silence me*
And it fills the cavity in my brain, because I know that the events in my life hafe led me here. My problems don't define me, they inspire me. My ex-boyfriends don't make me cry, they make me laugh with pity because they lack the forsight of their falling...I don't. I know that the life I want will cost me alot...and I might fail at it and achieve nothing...but I am aware of it...I am aware that my love burns...thats why I don't love people untill they are ready to be loved by me, and all the other random shit I could refered to here...Because what is left underneath it all? me..who am I?