Issues
Wow, wow is damn near all I can say. I thought I wouldn't have to use this again, but more and more I am feeling like a stray wolf who is lost in the woods, yet right next to the people he has always known, and still can't help to feel completely misunderstood/lonely. I haven't had a serious/honest relationship for years, and when I "say" years I mean 3.. And I feel that because of my relationship issues, apart of me has died a painful death. And I feel that coupled with a disorder that I've developed recently, it's going to make hanging onto people a lot harder, especially a girlfriend.
Now onto this disorder, now I haven't gone to a psychologist yet but I can tell I got something wrong up there. Maybe it's my years of smoking or the month or two when I used shrooms, but something is brewing inside of me that make's me eff everything up. Sometimes I find myself searching for words so I stutter sometimes. Or I just don't talk because I have nothing to talk about.. And it feels so weird to type that knowing my past as a hyper kid who couldn't keep his mouth shut. But now, everything has gone a little down hill. Now what I'm trying to figure out if this is a drug related issue or a psycological issue. Is it because I smoke too much or because something is abnormal in my brain and now I can't think straight at times. Or maybe, just maybe this is how I handle stress... I can honestly say in my life that normally I handle stress so good that I could just shrug everything off. But now this is stuttering business is so fustrating it creates a massive ammount of stress and anxiety and I just don't know what to do these days.
All of that has been on my heart recently. I apologize for not keeping up with this diary, I thought I could just kick this to the side and not deal and/or think or even process my problems that they'd just go away. Unfortunatly, I was completely wrong and now I am suffering deeply because of it.
Now onto this disorder, now I haven't gone to a psychologist yet but I can tell I got something wrong up there. Maybe it's my years of smoking or the month or two when I used shrooms, but something is brewing inside of me that make's me eff everything up. Sometimes I find myself searching for words so I stutter sometimes. Or I just don't talk because I have nothing to talk about.. And it feels so weird to type that knowing my past as a hyper kid who couldn't keep his mouth shut. But now, everything has gone a little down hill. Now what I'm trying to figure out if this is a drug related issue or a psycological issue. Is it because I smoke too much or because something is abnormal in my brain and now I can't think straight at times. Or maybe, just maybe this is how I handle stress... I can honestly say in my life that normally I handle stress so good that I could just shrug everything off. But now this is stuttering business is so fustrating it creates a massive ammount of stress and anxiety and I just don't know what to do these days.
All of that has been on my heart recently. I apologize for not keeping up with this diary, I thought I could just kick this to the side and not deal and/or think or even process my problems that they'd just go away. Unfortunatly, I was completely wrong and now I am suffering deeply because of it.