And the Winner is.... wait for it....
HYDRA! As in hydra22uk and his story of the food poisoning vision quest across the crocodile enclosure.... naked. This is posted in his words per his permission. Keep in mind he gave me SEVERAL options to choose from (glares at non-participators). Hydra is from my Red vs. Blue account (I cross posted). I had a much better response from them (they appear to be bigger slackers than the LJ crew).
Enjoy!!
Anyway, so we rewind time back to the summer of 1997 when Hydra was but a wee spritely 17 year old. Having spent a very successful month in Madagascar doing community and aid work me and the team of 15 other college students travelled to the western shore of the island for a period of R&R. We travelled up the coast line via catamarans to the remote resort of Ifat. Our "hotel" consisted of a number of huts about 10 meters from the beach with a bar and a few other hotels in walking distance.
Upon arrival we noticed an unusal structure in the middle of the huts, a small, low walled enclosure about 15 meters square with wire mesh over the top. The wall was only about a meter high so, being the nosey individuals we were we went to have alook. There, staring back at us was a three meter long crocodile. Cruel I know in such an enclosure and, to be fair, the croc looked less than happy about the state of affairs. Infact after a few seconds it made it's displeasure clear by having a damn good thrash about and displaying exactly how wide it could get it's mouth. Slightly scary if I am honest.
We were staying for five days in this idyllic location, lapping up the sun and diving on the reef. On the final night there we were invited by the owner of the hotel to a BBQ of fish all caught locally, he laid it all on at the next hotel down the coast and with a jovial heart we all walked down the beach to have a free feed!
As the evening progressed and the beer flowed (strong, local beer), young Hydra got more adventurous and, when presented with a sea urchin was in fact drunk enough to decide that eating it would be a fun game. Now all was well for about 5 minutes. Then the world started to go bad. A cold sweat rapidly turned into dizziness.... then a pressing urge to throw up arrived as the world began to ripple with hallucinations. Now, being "slightly" drunk didn't help matters so in that state I came up with the idea of walking back to my hut alone. At night. By the sea. Whilst drunk.
and poisoned. So off I set, bare foot. Falling down all over the place. singing to the fish who were, mysteriously, swimming about my head and singing with me. Now after some time (it took me 20 mins to do a 5 min walk) I became intensely hot. So I decided that it would be a good idea to sit on some rocks and remove all of my attire lest I over heat...
.... this is my last memory... from here we have pieced together events from others who were, mores the pity, present.
The rest of my team left the BBQ about half an hour after I did and, upon getting half way back, became concerned for me. They discovered a trail leading to some rocks. Of my clothes. All of them. Strewn across the sand. And, on the rocks, blood. It appears that the rocks had cut my feet so they easily followed the bloody prints back towards the hotel. Then they became scared... they could hear me talking. Specifically talking dirty to my then GF who was, in fact, back in the UK. Ontop of the filth I was spewing, apparently, I was also saying I could walk through the gorge. Needless to say they sped up their advance...
... to be confronted with me stood, naked on the wall of the Croc pit still talking to my GF on the otherside of the pit. Now, Mr. Croc had got a whiff of blood, from my feet and was apparently going nuts a matter of feet from me as I prepared to take a step forward into his little home.
Fortunately my balance was slightly off... so as I leant back to take the step, I fell over backwards knocking myself unconscious on a table... at which point I was violently ill too. So my poor team mates had to carry me, naked, unconscious and covered in well... you can imagine.
Bless 'em. They just dumped me on my bed like that so the next day was... interesting when I awoke!
You asked... more icky than funny but I have still yet to live that down!
I would like to honorably mention Cerberus_ and ______ (no really, that's his name) for their HIGHLY amusing but not nearly as outlandish stories. If you like, I can post them as well!
Thank you all who participated ::glares at non-participators one final time, specifically at Chuck because I KNOW he's gotta have some kinda story::
TA!