Daughter of a Bitch
From yesterday's word document....
I have parental issues. I sometimes wish that I could claim I was adopted or like Rob that I was a test tube baby therefore I don’t have to claim shared genes with either of my parents. My father is a grade A loser. I realized this when I was probably 12 and I have been dealing with my issues from it since.
Realizing my mother was almost as apathetic and useless took a little longer. Probably in the last 5 years I’ve realized this.
Rob always asks me why I don’t have motivation to do well in school. I could probably get excellent grades if I really tried. I’m an under achiever because neither of my parents showed ANY genuine interest in my education, how I’m doing, or any aspect of my life. I have been pretty much on my own, my own keeper since I was 9 and we moved away from my grand parents. Sure I had food, shelter and clothes, but that was about it. And yesterday I finally had it come into crystal perspective.
Yesterday I rode for probably an hour. My mother was supposed to come and watch. This is something we had talked about at least twice that day and once a day or two prior. I see her maybe every other month or so since she lives in Georgia. She went to my shows in Georgia because they were close and her and my step dad had nothing better to do. Yesterday I told her I was riding at 6 and should be done with everything by 8 (including untacking and cleanup) but I stressed the point I WOULD BE ON A HORSE AT 6. I had an awesome ride on Winston. He was elastic, and very attentive. I rode by myself. I finally decided I had been on him long enough and was tired of waiting on her to show up and got off, clean he up and walked into the barn.
By this time my mother is an HOUR AND 15 MINUTES LATE. Now, most people would be SHE’S DEAD! Well I don’t panic. Why? Because, this is in complete character for my mother. I have called her twice between 6 and 7:15 and she hasn’t answered nor has she returned any of my calls.
At 7:15 she waltzes in. You know what her reason was for showing up an hour and 15 minutes late, missing my ride, not calling to tell she was late or to let me know she was not coming or answering my calls? She didn’t want to sit in the heat for 2 hours.
Fuck
Her
I completely let her have it. Throwing out things like “Are you a child? Then why ware you acting like a little kid? You could have used some common courtesy and TOLD me you had no intention of coming.”
She was all smiles and laughing and I had to pull an apology kicking and screaming from her mouth. I actually said “The least you could do for being this rude is apologize.” Then and only then did she says while smiling “I’m sorry?” to which I responded “No you’re not”
And this, people, is why I’m a test tube baby. I couldn’t have POSSIBLY come from a person this rude, inconsiderate and child like. I surpassed my mother in maturity at about the age of 9. I could say I raised myself. This woman absolutely terrifies me that I may have the chance of becoming that kind of mother, she is the reason I don’t want to have kids until I am completely ready, because she never put anything ahead of herself.
I have parental issues. I sometimes wish that I could claim I was adopted or like Rob that I was a test tube baby therefore I don’t have to claim shared genes with either of my parents. My father is a grade A loser. I realized this when I was probably 12 and I have been dealing with my issues from it since.
Realizing my mother was almost as apathetic and useless took a little longer. Probably in the last 5 years I’ve realized this.
Rob always asks me why I don’t have motivation to do well in school. I could probably get excellent grades if I really tried. I’m an under achiever because neither of my parents showed ANY genuine interest in my education, how I’m doing, or any aspect of my life. I have been pretty much on my own, my own keeper since I was 9 and we moved away from my grand parents. Sure I had food, shelter and clothes, but that was about it. And yesterday I finally had it come into crystal perspective.
Yesterday I rode for probably an hour. My mother was supposed to come and watch. This is something we had talked about at least twice that day and once a day or two prior. I see her maybe every other month or so since she lives in Georgia. She went to my shows in Georgia because they were close and her and my step dad had nothing better to do. Yesterday I told her I was riding at 6 and should be done with everything by 8 (including untacking and cleanup) but I stressed the point I WOULD BE ON A HORSE AT 6. I had an awesome ride on Winston. He was elastic, and very attentive. I rode by myself. I finally decided I had been on him long enough and was tired of waiting on her to show up and got off, clean he up and walked into the barn.
By this time my mother is an HOUR AND 15 MINUTES LATE. Now, most people would be SHE’S DEAD! Well I don’t panic. Why? Because, this is in complete character for my mother. I have called her twice between 6 and 7:15 and she hasn’t answered nor has she returned any of my calls.
At 7:15 she waltzes in. You know what her reason was for showing up an hour and 15 minutes late, missing my ride, not calling to tell she was late or to let me know she was not coming or answering my calls? She didn’t want to sit in the heat for 2 hours.
Fuck
Her
I completely let her have it. Throwing out things like “Are you a child? Then why ware you acting like a little kid? You could have used some common courtesy and TOLD me you had no intention of coming.”
She was all smiles and laughing and I had to pull an apology kicking and screaming from her mouth. I actually said “The least you could do for being this rude is apologize.” Then and only then did she says while smiling “I’m sorry?” to which I responded “No you’re not”
And this, people, is why I’m a test tube baby. I couldn’t have POSSIBLY come from a person this rude, inconsiderate and child like. I surpassed my mother in maturity at about the age of 9. I could say I raised myself. This woman absolutely terrifies me that I may have the chance of becoming that kind of mother, she is the reason I don’t want to have kids until I am completely ready, because she never put anything ahead of herself.