Aug 20, 2006 07:11
my moms being a cunt. everythings about austins. its always about austin. last night erika and i went to the red death show and ended up bringing This Moment home. Theyre really nice kids. I sat at the Pro Life table with erika. I read some of the stuff. pretty interesting but i dont know if my minds change. my mom bought austin a messanger bag. when i saw i figured itd be for me cause well thats what i use. but i guess not. its for austin. so jacquie is making the old bag she gave me a new look. i took an old lepoard sheet and decided to cover it with the sheet. 1. i wish my mom would spoil me like she does austin. granted i do get what i want blah blah. but i dont know its different. youd have to see it. 2. austin needs to have his own personality, not mine. i know hes 8 and i know he looks up to me but every little thing doesnt revolve around what i like or what i do.
and now...my list of stuff to make my mom buy me...
hairspray
makeup
red highlighting kit
clips for my hair
im sure ill think of more.
so mikes stupid. i still like him, but things just arent gunna work out. yeah im sad about it but hey im sure ill find something better.or maybe im just over reacting. who knows.
i try not to care i really do but it doesnt work anymore. i wish mytim would call more often. and i wish matt didnt live in cali. god i wish i didnt have so much to say/so much going on in my head. maybe i do like the meds that make me like a zombie more than i like the meds that make you normal. maybe i just need to go to therapy. but im missing it again this. my dads a stupid prick. yeah he gave me money but he doesnt need to freak out over me not going to apply somewhere. wait till he he finds out about me and school. oh man....i dont know what im going to do about school. i can a. go back and be a jr again but finish the right way and make everyone happy but myself. b. i can try for home tutoring because i have medcal reasons. ill still get a diploma, my dad will just want to kill me even more. or c. i can drop out and get my ged and piss everyone off. speaking of which i have two weeks to get my car on the road because jacquies paving her driveway and her mom wants to car out. ffffffffffffffffffuck. sometimes i think i should just shoot myself. in the nose. cause in the nose you probablly wont die itll just hurt a lot. and then if i shoot myself in the nose ill get pain killers. and pain killers make my life better. i hope my mom gets her perks today like she said she was going too. ive been thinking about breaking my hand again. i dont know why. well i do but i just want it broken. cause im broken and my hand can be like me.