would you fall to pieces if i never came back?
havent really had a huge update in a while. not really in the mood for one. but maybe ill throw a little a slight update your way.
i'm finally getting better from EBV. that was such a sucky virus i dont know what was worse mono or that. didnt go to school today wasn't feeling up to it. at all. actually felt wiked wiked crappy when i woke up. so hopefully tomorrow. finished my final exam for shop. came out pretty decent considering i had to do it all on my own rather than using the schools resources. eh makes me feel a little more accomplished. hopefully i get a decent grade. let's what else. been working on make up work constantly. i know i missed alot. i have a 4 pg paper due friday and i haven't started :-/ i really need to. hopefully mr gorry can give me a little insight as to how to start off cause im at a total loss. Sat's are saturday. not too nervous just honestly not looking forward to taking them all over. Oh yeah harry potter comes out friday. heh wiked dorky i know. me and jordan are def hitting that up at 7 i think the show starts. Sunday is the MFC Street team cookout. Should be oodles of fun ::crosses fingers:: hopefuly Em and Jordan want to go. Then all next week is exams and my book for RISD is due. AH i need to start that. Boy oh boy. Psh. The Used show is tonight and like everyones going..not me :(
so thats that with the calendar of events update. for some reason ive had alot on my mind lately. alot about the future. how much im going to miss it here. yeah i know i talk trash about it like 24/7 but that doesnt mean that a big part of my heart isnt instilled in this place. hell i grew up here. and its strange it seems as if everything came so damn fast. it seems like im growing up a year early. which it is my choice, because its right for my future itll get me much farther in the long run. but its scary you know? these past weeks ive been thinking about all the stuff that i wont be able to do anymore. and all the people that even if our ties have been almost cut that i still think in the back of my mind will come around and everything will ok. like all the friends ive lost over the years. heh over the past few months. some i know will be happy with my departure, which i accept. but others the ones who impacted my life so greatly those i pray that if i try hard enough that maybe they'll come around..at least for a goodbye. like adam. i mean jordan tells me i shouldnt try. that im goingto get hurt and that thats the type of kid he is, he just writes people off, no sweat. and i know thats very much true he told me about it all the time. but i think its the faith in the strength of our bond that helps me not to lose hope. not yet anyways. because i just couldnt imagine that it could end so sudden. and that his feelings could change so quickly. not when we were that close, not when we had shared that much. and also AF. he and i have been going at it for months. but he always been there for me, as ive tried for him and i would love it if we could just even have one more time me and him for old times sake, to say goodbye. i would love to not leave things the way they are with lin. i wish that we could still follow through on all the promises we made to each other. but those are only a few examples. i suppose i cant sit here and name every mistake ive ever made in this town and every friendship ive ever ruined. and come to think of it the past few lines have been entirely selfish. really what does the other person get out of this? how can i expect to just put shattered friendships back together just because im leaving the state. for what? my own statisfaction, so i dont leave any hard feelings, any unfinished business. how selfish is that? it is and i know it. but i know in the back of my mind that the reason for my wishing all this so sudden is because ive wanted this for so long. ive wanted to fix things and make them right again. but i havent the courage to show the other person how bad i miss them and want thing to be fixing. i guess deep down im using my departure as an excuse to take to them. and have faith that hopefully they feel the same. i can't believe all the silly things that i take for granted. like how close big cities are to here..boston<3, NYC, yes even providence. granted i'll have phoenix and san diego is only a 5 or 6 hr drive. but i wont be on the coast anymore. so say ciao to the beach. and all the silly little things that we do for fun out here..driving purposely to get lost, the numerous things you can do in wooded areas, the 2 hr car rides to go to a restaraunt the size of a box, hell i even take for granted how friendly alot of new englanders are. west coasters just arent that peachy. and what if the scene is differnt, how re the kids going to be? i know by my accent alone ill stick out like a sore thumb. when it really comes down to it even the things that i hate about it here are the things i'll miss when i leave cause its my home. and with home comes good and bad. but on the brighter side itll be a whole new world of experiences, new scene, new friends, new weather, new adventures, new life. there wont be a single soul who knows about my past or my reputation. nothing. unless i tell them. i get to rebuild all new trust in people and get closer to my sister. so in that aspect im looking forward to it. my mind has been a little scrambled an off kilter lately to say the least on top of my leaving ive been thinking about this one person alot and for the life of me cant figure out why. one last announcement. 3 very special people in my lives birthdays are today. My younger brother, my old and close friend Alison just had her bagby son today Alex Arial Conseption, and last but MOST certainly not least its the apple of my eyes' Marilyn Monroe's 78th birthday.
this was all sweet once
when i was fingertips and innocence
and too scared to
let go i had my
arms thread through
the pretty holes
of your most romantic
line
it's do you
and don't you
cause i won't forget you
you filled me with nothing
it felt so good
it'll all come out some day
i'm finally getting better from EBV. that was such a sucky virus i dont know what was worse mono or that. didnt go to school today wasn't feeling up to it. at all. actually felt wiked wiked crappy when i woke up. so hopefully tomorrow. finished my final exam for shop. came out pretty decent considering i had to do it all on my own rather than using the schools resources. eh makes me feel a little more accomplished. hopefully i get a decent grade. let's what else. been working on make up work constantly. i know i missed alot. i have a 4 pg paper due friday and i haven't started :-/ i really need to. hopefully mr gorry can give me a little insight as to how to start off cause im at a total loss. Sat's are saturday. not too nervous just honestly not looking forward to taking them all over. Oh yeah harry potter comes out friday. heh wiked dorky i know. me and jordan are def hitting that up at 7 i think the show starts. Sunday is the MFC Street team cookout. Should be oodles of fun ::crosses fingers:: hopefuly Em and Jordan want to go. Then all next week is exams and my book for RISD is due. AH i need to start that. Boy oh boy. Psh. The Used show is tonight and like everyones going..not me :(
so thats that with the calendar of events update. for some reason ive had alot on my mind lately. alot about the future. how much im going to miss it here. yeah i know i talk trash about it like 24/7 but that doesnt mean that a big part of my heart isnt instilled in this place. hell i grew up here. and its strange it seems as if everything came so damn fast. it seems like im growing up a year early. which it is my choice, because its right for my future itll get me much farther in the long run. but its scary you know? these past weeks ive been thinking about all the stuff that i wont be able to do anymore. and all the people that even if our ties have been almost cut that i still think in the back of my mind will come around and everything will ok. like all the friends ive lost over the years. heh over the past few months. some i know will be happy with my departure, which i accept. but others the ones who impacted my life so greatly those i pray that if i try hard enough that maybe they'll come around..at least for a goodbye. like adam. i mean jordan tells me i shouldnt try. that im goingto get hurt and that thats the type of kid he is, he just writes people off, no sweat. and i know thats very much true he told me about it all the time. but i think its the faith in the strength of our bond that helps me not to lose hope. not yet anyways. because i just couldnt imagine that it could end so sudden. and that his feelings could change so quickly. not when we were that close, not when we had shared that much. and also AF. he and i have been going at it for months. but he always been there for me, as ive tried for him and i would love it if we could just even have one more time me and him for old times sake, to say goodbye. i would love to not leave things the way they are with lin. i wish that we could still follow through on all the promises we made to each other. but those are only a few examples. i suppose i cant sit here and name every mistake ive ever made in this town and every friendship ive ever ruined. and come to think of it the past few lines have been entirely selfish. really what does the other person get out of this? how can i expect to just put shattered friendships back together just because im leaving the state. for what? my own statisfaction, so i dont leave any hard feelings, any unfinished business. how selfish is that? it is and i know it. but i know in the back of my mind that the reason for my wishing all this so sudden is because ive wanted this for so long. ive wanted to fix things and make them right again. but i havent the courage to show the other person how bad i miss them and want thing to be fixing. i guess deep down im using my departure as an excuse to take to them. and have faith that hopefully they feel the same. i can't believe all the silly things that i take for granted. like how close big cities are to here..boston<3, NYC, yes even providence. granted i'll have phoenix and san diego is only a 5 or 6 hr drive. but i wont be on the coast anymore. so say ciao to the beach. and all the silly little things that we do for fun out here..driving purposely to get lost, the numerous things you can do in wooded areas, the 2 hr car rides to go to a restaraunt the size of a box, hell i even take for granted how friendly alot of new englanders are. west coasters just arent that peachy. and what if the scene is differnt, how re the kids going to be? i know by my accent alone ill stick out like a sore thumb. when it really comes down to it even the things that i hate about it here are the things i'll miss when i leave cause its my home. and with home comes good and bad. but on the brighter side itll be a whole new world of experiences, new scene, new friends, new weather, new adventures, new life. there wont be a single soul who knows about my past or my reputation. nothing. unless i tell them. i get to rebuild all new trust in people and get closer to my sister. so in that aspect im looking forward to it. my mind has been a little scrambled an off kilter lately to say the least on top of my leaving ive been thinking about this one person alot and for the life of me cant figure out why. one last announcement. 3 very special people in my lives birthdays are today. My younger brother, my old and close friend Alison just had her bagby son today Alex Arial Conseption, and last but MOST certainly not least its the apple of my eyes' Marilyn Monroe's 78th birthday.
this was all sweet once
when i was fingertips and innocence
and too scared to
let go i had my
arms thread through
the pretty holes
of your most romantic
line
it's do you
and don't you
cause i won't forget you
you filled me with nothing
it felt so good
it'll all come out some day