Uh-oh.
Today's daily briefing with my stock-room manager, Dave, deserves mentioning. Here it is, so far as I can remember it, albiet somewhat paraphrased:
Dave-Dan, I'd just like to say thankyou for last week: I was away, so was our Team Leader, and you were left to fend for yourself, and you did a cracking job. Cheers bud.
Me-No prob mate, it was a doddle...everything seemed to go nice and smoothly.
Dave-Good to hear that. Because as of next week, I won't be here.
Me-Day off?
Dave-Well, you see, I thought I'd book another week off to de-stress. That audit count we had yesterday pushed up my blood pressure to something frightening.
Me-I see. Yes. It certainly was a bit of a shitter.
Dave-Especially when they asked us to balance the stock in the next two weeks.
Me-Stock balance? How much this time? Lazy bastards probably want a whole thirty percent, the cu-
Dave-They want all of it.
Dan-All...of it? As in...one hundred percent? Everything? We have?
Dave-Not "we" have, Dan...oh no. Everything *you* have. All this, my boy, will be yours.
Dan-I thought the meek just inherited the earth, not bloody balance the fucking thing as well. Christ on toast! Well, at least it's only a week you're away for.
Dave-Oh contraire, my friend: Area management were so impressed with the stockroom that *you* sorted out last week that they're sending *me* to Winsford for two weeks to sort there backroom out.
Dan-So, basically, what you're saying is that at the most critical post-peak moment, Simon and I will be understaffed and without management for the best part of a month?
Dave-Incorrect. Simon also has a week booked off within the next month.
Dan-Oh fuck a duck and call it Clinton!!! You bastard! You're leaving me with my Team Leader for three weeks! I hate my Team Leader! She has all the leadership qualities of a mound of dirt!
Dave-Now, that's a bit harsh. I find that dirt, like any soft material, can be sculptored into shapes that can be quite inspiring...
Dan-You're a cock-jockey, you know that, don't you? Cock-jockey. Never forget it.
Dave-I'm off tomorrow by the way. Balancing sheets you will find behind the PC, holding up the desk with there considerable bulk. See you on the flip-side, mate...
...I'll do it, but only for fifteen pounds an hour and free sex with a customer of my choosing.
AT :O
Dave-Dan, I'd just like to say thankyou for last week: I was away, so was our Team Leader, and you were left to fend for yourself, and you did a cracking job. Cheers bud.
Me-No prob mate, it was a doddle...everything seemed to go nice and smoothly.
Dave-Good to hear that. Because as of next week, I won't be here.
Me-Day off?
Dave-Well, you see, I thought I'd book another week off to de-stress. That audit count we had yesterday pushed up my blood pressure to something frightening.
Me-I see. Yes. It certainly was a bit of a shitter.
Dave-Especially when they asked us to balance the stock in the next two weeks.
Me-Stock balance? How much this time? Lazy bastards probably want a whole thirty percent, the cu-
Dave-They want all of it.
Dan-All...of it? As in...one hundred percent? Everything? We have?
Dave-Not "we" have, Dan...oh no. Everything *you* have. All this, my boy, will be yours.
Dan-I thought the meek just inherited the earth, not bloody balance the fucking thing as well. Christ on toast! Well, at least it's only a week you're away for.
Dave-Oh contraire, my friend: Area management were so impressed with the stockroom that *you* sorted out last week that they're sending *me* to Winsford for two weeks to sort there backroom out.
Dan-So, basically, what you're saying is that at the most critical post-peak moment, Simon and I will be understaffed and without management for the best part of a month?
Dave-Incorrect. Simon also has a week booked off within the next month.
Dan-Oh fuck a duck and call it Clinton!!! You bastard! You're leaving me with my Team Leader for three weeks! I hate my Team Leader! She has all the leadership qualities of a mound of dirt!
Dave-Now, that's a bit harsh. I find that dirt, like any soft material, can be sculptored into shapes that can be quite inspiring...
Dan-You're a cock-jockey, you know that, don't you? Cock-jockey. Never forget it.
Dave-I'm off tomorrow by the way. Balancing sheets you will find behind the PC, holding up the desk with there considerable bulk. See you on the flip-side, mate...
...I'll do it, but only for fifteen pounds an hour and free sex with a customer of my choosing.
AT :O