FIC: Getting Back on Your Feet 2 (B/H)
Fandom: Birds of Prey
Pairing: Barbara/Helena
Rating: 15
Authors Notes: Thank you for reading. Any criticism can be directed to adliren@gmail.com.
What It Means To Be a Hero
Part 1: Getting Back on Your Feet (2)
by adliren
*********************************************************
Barbara knew. Of course she knew. Barbara Gordon was the fucking Oracle. She knew fucking everything. So it didn’t matter that she had turned off her coms and hadn’t told her what had happened. She would know. She would know that Helena had killed. That Helena had beaten a man to death with her own hands. And now instead of seeing just blame in Barbara’s eyes, Helena knew if she looked she would see hatred, disgust, and maybe even fear.
She couldn’t take that. Not from Barbara. Everyone else may think she was an asshole and a fuck-up, but Barbara had always believed in her. Since the very first day they had met at the gymnastics training camp Helena’s mother had forced her to attend, Barbara had seen something in her. Helena knew it wasn’t the same thing she had felt seeing redhead for the first time, but it had been real and it had allowed Barbara to stay with her when she was at her worst after Mom died. And now that was gone. Whatever good Barbara might have once believed was in her, she sure didn’t believe it now.
As Helena wandered into her apartment in a daze, she immediately turned toward the bathroom. She had to get a shower. She was covered in blood and . . . other things. She needed to clean up. She needed to change.
And that was the heart of the matter, Helena realized. After Quinn she should have seen what she was capable of, that things couldn’t continue the way they were. She should have fucking seen it. Things were going to have to change.
Helena stepped under the spray of hot water and began to make her plans.
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Dinah Redmond was trying to be tough. She was trying to adopt what she thought of as her “Huntress face.” The one that said she didn’t give a shit about anything and nothing could touch her. She was pretty sure she just looked like a scared little kid.
She wasn’t sure what had happened. They had just finished watching a movie and having a great time. Barbara had been relaxed and the tenseness she had seemed to be carrying throughout her body since Wade died had seemed to ease somewhat. Helena had been, well, better than normal, talking and joking, making popcorn, and even offering to share some of it with Dinah.
And then the alarm for the Delphi had gone off. Soon Huntress was out taking care of it and Barbara was monitoring her on the super computer, leaving Dinah to watch the movie alone on the couch.
She wished that Barbara would let her go out with Helena. Sometimes if nothing was going on, and she didn’t have school the next day, and the planets aligned just right, Oracle would let her go with Huntress on sweeps if she promised to follow orders without question - but so far these opportunities were few and far between.
Dinah was interrupted from her internal ramblings by the loud and gruesome sounds coming over the Delphi speakers. She didn’t have much experience, but that sounded like breaking bone, a lot of bone. Then Barbara was frantically calling Helena, and the sounds cut off.
Dinah was a touch telepath, meaning that usually she had to touch someone to pick up on their thoughts or emotions. But sometimes, if the emotions were really strong she could pick them up just by being in the same room as the person. This was one of those times.
The wave of fear that rolled out from the figure at the computer momentarily stunned the teen. She had never felt fear from Barbara before. She was usually so controlled that Dinah didn’t pick up much of anything, but this was way different.
And the thing was, Dinah could tell that Barbara wasn’t afraid for herself. This overwhelming fear was directed at another, a fear for that person.
Dinah quietly turned off the DVD and sat back on the couch. This was so not good.
As Barbara continued to stare at the data pouring in, Dinah wondered what had happened to Helena this time and how they would all make it through this new disaster.
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Two days after the incident, Helena stepped into the elevator that would take her up to the clock tower. It was late afternoon and Barbara should be in. She had been calling Helena for the past two days on the hour, every hour. Helena hadn’t answered once.
She had been busy getting everything together and finishing her preparations. She had considered not even coming by the clock tower, but she knew she owed Barbara, and maybe even the Kid more than that. So here she was, loitering in the elevator trying to work up the nerve to do the hardest thing she had ever done.
She could do this. She had to do this, not for herself, but for Barbara.
When the elevator doors slowly slid open, the indifferent mask she had perfected after the death of her mom was firmly in place and she was able to step out and walk calmly toward the Delphi and the redhead seated in front of it.
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Hearing the elevator, Barbara had immediately turned; desperately hoping it was a certain dark haired crime fighter that she hadn’t heard from in over two days. When the visitor indeed turned out to be Helena she nearly shouted for joy. Noticing the familiar set to the delicate features and easy stride, she allowed herself to hope for just a moment that things would be all right; that they could talk about what had happened and just move on.
Barbara Gordon allowed herself to hope, that is until she looked into the eyes of her best friend and crime fighting partner. The dark blue eyes that she knew so well, that were always so full of life and passion were now empty and hollow. It looked as though Helena hadn’t slept at all since the other night, and seeing this, Barbara’s heart broke a little more. Those eyes were focused just a little above her left shoulder and wouldn’t meet hers as the figure approached slowly. ‘Almost as if she thinks I would run from her, or you know roll from her,’ Barbara thought. ‘Okay you know you’re nervous when you start making paraplegic jokes, Babs.’
And that was the truth. She, Barbara Gordon was very nervous. Sweaty palms, shortness of breath, wanting to run and hide under the covers nervous. For someone who was always so in control of her emotions, who needed to be in control of every part of her life, this was very discomforting.
The truth was, she had a pretty good idea of how she expected this meeting to go. She was sure it was going to end in tears and probably some shouting by both parties, so of course she was nervous, big emotional scenes were not her thing. But looking into Helena’s eyes, Barbara suddenly had the feeling that she actually didn’t have the first clue as to what was going to happen in the next few minutes and her nerves got a whole lot worse.
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Helena stopped a couple of feet away from Barbara and shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “Hey,” she managed to get out through a throat that felt stuffed with cotton.
‘Oh great one, you go off and kill someone and don’t speak to her for two days, and the best you can do is, Hey,’ she thought to herself.
Helena still couldn’t bring herself to meet Barbara eyes, but from the way Barbara was sitting, she looked kinda nervous. For some perverse reason, this made Helena feel a little bit better and a little more determined. So when Barbara responded with a quiet, “Hello Helena,” in a voiced filled with love, she was able to keep from breaking into tears and wrapping her arms around the other woman. Barely.
Instead, Helena forced herself to meet the beautiful green eyes that were studying her so intensely, then managed to choke out, “I think we need to talk.”
“Yes Helena, I think we do,” Barbara responded. “I think you may be under a false impression . . .”
“Barbara I killed someone,” Helena interrupted. “Yeah he was a criminal, a first rate asshole, but he didn’t deserve to die. And we don’t kill.” This last was said so softly that Helena scarcely heard herself, but somehow Barbara caught it.
“Your right Helena, we don’t kill. You don’t kill.” Helena’s head snapped up at this. “That’s right Helena, he didn’t die. The paramedics were able to resuscitate him. He’ll be in the hospital for a long time, and he may never fully recover, but he’s not dead. You didn’t kill.”
Helena felt the tears start to flow down her face hearing Barbara tell her this in a voice filled with love and understanding. For one wild moment she allowed herself to hope, to believe that everything could go back to the way it was before. Yeah, so she had beaten some guy to a pulp, what else was new, he had probably deserved it. Barbara seemed, well not okay with it, but she didn’t seem like she hated Helena or was going to tell her to take a hike and never come back. So everything was all right then, wasn’t it?
But then she remembered the man’s blood covered body. The silence that she had heard when she had finally come back to herself. And another image flickered behind her eyes and was gone. An image of a man with a knife stuck in his ribs and Barbara’s tears as they fell on his slack face.
Helena knew what she had to do, it was for the best.
“Barbara,” Helena started, almost choking on the name, “he did die. It was only luck that they were able to save him. When I left, he was dead,” Helena said, tears still slipping down her face. “I didn’t kill him, but I might as well have,” she continued, no longer even sure what she was referring to. “This, this can’t go on.”
There, she had said it. Whatever happened now, she had actually done it.
Red seemed to jerk back in her chair a little bit and then stiffened all over. Her face stilled and it almost seemed like she was preparing for a blow.
“Helena, what do you mean,” Barbara asked in her most controlled voice.
“I mean, I mean that I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be Huntress.” When Barbara’s face immediately went blank, Helena realized she needed to add something. “At least, right now.” There was the slightest loosening of the other woman’s muscles. “I need some time. I need to figure out what’s going on with me and why I get so . . . angry . . . and hurt people and . . . well before it’s too late, you know? I’ve got to well, uh, get away.”
Barbara was completely still, but knowing the other woman as well as she did, Helena could see that super brain of hers going a mile a minute. Finally after a long silence she spoke, “Okay Hel, if that’s what you think you need.” Helena breathed a little easier at this. Barbara understood and was going to be okay with it. “So you take a few days or a week or two and then we’ll talk again. Everything will be alright Hel.” This last was accompanied by another sweet smile from the redhead.
With a sinking feeling, Helena realized that things were not going to be alright. Barbara didn’t understand and now Helena was going to have to make it worse.
“Uh, Barbara, that’s not really what I meant. When I said I had to get away, I kinda meant away, away. You know, um, like out of New Gotham away.” Helena couldn’t look at Barbara as she said this and instead turned her gaze to the floor.
“Out of New Gotham.” Barbara repeated in a dazed sounding voice.
Helena, distressed by the tone of Barbara’s voice, tried to sound enthusiastic. “Yeah you know, travel for a while. Just get away from everything. Do some soul searching, get a little culture. That kinda thing. It’ll be good for me, right?” She was desperately trying to make things better.
“Get some culture.” Barbara repeated again. “Helena what are you talking about?” Barbara’s eyes began flashing, and her voice just kept getting louder. “What are you thinking? You almost kill someone, so you just decide that you’ll go on vacation. You’ll go “see the sights” and that will make sure that next time you go up against some criminal you won’t beat him to death.”
Barbara was angry. She was angry and really, really scared, so she did what she always did when this happened with Helena. She lashed out and expected the brunette to respond with her own verbal assault . . . except she didn’t.
Helena felt like she had aged ten years in the last few days, and maybe she had, because instead of yelling at Barbara and telling her to back off, she recognized that the other woman was scared and so she tried her best to explain.
Walking over to kneel down in front of Barbara’s chair she reached out and gently lifted one of the redhead’s hands in her own. “Barbara it’s not like that. If I stay here, nothing will change. I’ll mope around my apartment for a couple of days, and then I won’t be able to resist calling you or coming over here to see you.” She gave Barbara a small smile which the other woman didn’t return. Sighing Helena continued, “I’ve got to change Barbara. I can’t keep being this out of control. You did your best with me. You saved me when Mom died. You taught me how to channel my anger and how I could use it to defend this city. But, it’s not enough . . . I’m not enough.”
Looking up into the green eyes so close to her own, she silently begged for the other woman to understand. After taking a short breath Barbara spoke in a near whisper. “You need to get away from me.”
“No, I . . .,” Helena automatically began, then paused. She needed to tell the other woman the truth. “Yeah,” she said softly and felt Barbara flinch. “Barbara, you’ve always made everything better. Since the first time I met you. But, I don’t think you can this time. I don’t think I can let you. It’s time for me to fix my own mistakes, to fix myself. I can’t do that here with you. I’m too used to leaning on you for everything. We’re totally co-dependent as I’m sure you’ve noticed,” Helena said hoping to earn a smile and was once again disappointed. The redhead just continued to sit there.
“I’m sorry Barbara. I’ve made all the arrangements. You won’t have to worry about anything, I’ve taken care of it. My apartment is all paid up for however long I’m gone. I’ve called around and found the best physical therapist to help you with your PT. They said they could either meet you at their offices or here at the tower. Dinah is ready to take over sweeps.” Seeing Barbara about to argue, Helena rushed ahead, “I know, I know, but we’ve trained her well, and I also contacted Nightwing.”
Nightwing, or Dick Grayson as he was known when he wasn’t running around in cape and cowl was her adopted brother. Bruce Wayne had taken him in and trained him to be his protégé. When Batman disappeared he had taken on a new superhero identity and was now defending Bludhaven, one of New Gotham’s neighboring cities.
Barbara looked shocked. “Nightwing! You called Dick? You hate Dick.”
“Yeah well it’s mutual and I hate him as a human being, not as a crime fighter. He’s actually okay at that.” Helena felt like she was chewing glass having to get that sentiment out. “He can help finish Dinah’s training and run sweeps for you. It will probably be good for her. Learning a new fighting style and everything. I’m not leaving you alone Babs, you can go on just like before. Oracle is still needed, right?”
“Helena,” Barbara started and cut herself off. Instead she looked directly into the brunette’s eyes. Helena felt like her entire soul was being laid bare and she wondered how much of her inner darkness the other woman would discover. Then Barbara closed her eyes and seemed to try and collect herself for several silent minutes. When green eyes opened again, Helena could only see some kind of determination shinning within them.
“When do you leave?”
Not sure she had heard correctly, Helena nevertheless replied. “Um, my plane leaves in,” she quickly glanced at the clock face, “uh, four hours.”
“I see,” Barbara stated calmly. “When do you think you’ll be back?”
“I . . . I’m not sure.”
“Well take the time you need,” Barbara continued in that eerily calm voice. “I’m sure we’ll be fine.”
Helena, unsure what the hell had just happened managed to stammer out, “Okay, well great, uh, thanks for you know being so understanding. I’ll uh, try and send you, um, postcards or something, to let you know how I’m doing.”
“I would appreciate that Helena,” was Barbara’s response.
Looking up into Barbara’s eyes from where she was still kneeling, Helena saw that she had completely closed herself off. Even knowing the other woman as well as she did, she had no idea what the redhead was thinking.
“Well uh, okay then. I should probably be going. You know how long it takes to get through security these days,” Helena tried to joke. Barbara just looked at her.
Suddenly it really hit Helena that she was leaving. Leaving Barbara. She wanted to just grab the other woman and take it all back, say it was a mistake, let Barbara make it better, but she couldn’t, that wouldn’t be fair. Instead she rose up and slowly leaned forward bringing her lip to brush softly against Barbara’s cheek. She inhaled the scent that always drove her crazy and she supposed always would, trying desperately to burn it into her memory as it was already burned into her heart.
Keeping her lips resting lightly where they were, she whispered into the soft skin. “I’ll come back.”
Helena straightened and without another glance walked to the elevator and exited the clock tower, leaving the life that she knew and the woman she loved behind.
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Pairing: Barbara/Helena
Rating: 15
Authors Notes: Thank you for reading. Any criticism can be directed to adliren@gmail.com.
What It Means To Be a Hero
Part 1: Getting Back on Your Feet (2)
by adliren
*********************************************************
Barbara knew. Of course she knew. Barbara Gordon was the fucking Oracle. She knew fucking everything. So it didn’t matter that she had turned off her coms and hadn’t told her what had happened. She would know. She would know that Helena had killed. That Helena had beaten a man to death with her own hands. And now instead of seeing just blame in Barbara’s eyes, Helena knew if she looked she would see hatred, disgust, and maybe even fear.
She couldn’t take that. Not from Barbara. Everyone else may think she was an asshole and a fuck-up, but Barbara had always believed in her. Since the very first day they had met at the gymnastics training camp Helena’s mother had forced her to attend, Barbara had seen something in her. Helena knew it wasn’t the same thing she had felt seeing redhead for the first time, but it had been real and it had allowed Barbara to stay with her when she was at her worst after Mom died. And now that was gone. Whatever good Barbara might have once believed was in her, she sure didn’t believe it now.
As Helena wandered into her apartment in a daze, she immediately turned toward the bathroom. She had to get a shower. She was covered in blood and . . . other things. She needed to clean up. She needed to change.
And that was the heart of the matter, Helena realized. After Quinn she should have seen what she was capable of, that things couldn’t continue the way they were. She should have fucking seen it. Things were going to have to change.
Helena stepped under the spray of hot water and began to make her plans.
************************************************************************
Dinah Redmond was trying to be tough. She was trying to adopt what she thought of as her “Huntress face.” The one that said she didn’t give a shit about anything and nothing could touch her. She was pretty sure she just looked like a scared little kid.
She wasn’t sure what had happened. They had just finished watching a movie and having a great time. Barbara had been relaxed and the tenseness she had seemed to be carrying throughout her body since Wade died had seemed to ease somewhat. Helena had been, well, better than normal, talking and joking, making popcorn, and even offering to share some of it with Dinah.
And then the alarm for the Delphi had gone off. Soon Huntress was out taking care of it and Barbara was monitoring her on the super computer, leaving Dinah to watch the movie alone on the couch.
She wished that Barbara would let her go out with Helena. Sometimes if nothing was going on, and she didn’t have school the next day, and the planets aligned just right, Oracle would let her go with Huntress on sweeps if she promised to follow orders without question - but so far these opportunities were few and far between.
Dinah was interrupted from her internal ramblings by the loud and gruesome sounds coming over the Delphi speakers. She didn’t have much experience, but that sounded like breaking bone, a lot of bone. Then Barbara was frantically calling Helena, and the sounds cut off.
Dinah was a touch telepath, meaning that usually she had to touch someone to pick up on their thoughts or emotions. But sometimes, if the emotions were really strong she could pick them up just by being in the same room as the person. This was one of those times.
The wave of fear that rolled out from the figure at the computer momentarily stunned the teen. She had never felt fear from Barbara before. She was usually so controlled that Dinah didn’t pick up much of anything, but this was way different.
And the thing was, Dinah could tell that Barbara wasn’t afraid for herself. This overwhelming fear was directed at another, a fear for that person.
Dinah quietly turned off the DVD and sat back on the couch. This was so not good.
As Barbara continued to stare at the data pouring in, Dinah wondered what had happened to Helena this time and how they would all make it through this new disaster.
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Two days after the incident, Helena stepped into the elevator that would take her up to the clock tower. It was late afternoon and Barbara should be in. She had been calling Helena for the past two days on the hour, every hour. Helena hadn’t answered once.
She had been busy getting everything together and finishing her preparations. She had considered not even coming by the clock tower, but she knew she owed Barbara, and maybe even the Kid more than that. So here she was, loitering in the elevator trying to work up the nerve to do the hardest thing she had ever done.
She could do this. She had to do this, not for herself, but for Barbara.
When the elevator doors slowly slid open, the indifferent mask she had perfected after the death of her mom was firmly in place and she was able to step out and walk calmly toward the Delphi and the redhead seated in front of it.
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Hearing the elevator, Barbara had immediately turned; desperately hoping it was a certain dark haired crime fighter that she hadn’t heard from in over two days. When the visitor indeed turned out to be Helena she nearly shouted for joy. Noticing the familiar set to the delicate features and easy stride, she allowed herself to hope for just a moment that things would be all right; that they could talk about what had happened and just move on.
Barbara Gordon allowed herself to hope, that is until she looked into the eyes of her best friend and crime fighting partner. The dark blue eyes that she knew so well, that were always so full of life and passion were now empty and hollow. It looked as though Helena hadn’t slept at all since the other night, and seeing this, Barbara’s heart broke a little more. Those eyes were focused just a little above her left shoulder and wouldn’t meet hers as the figure approached slowly. ‘Almost as if she thinks I would run from her, or you know roll from her,’ Barbara thought. ‘Okay you know you’re nervous when you start making paraplegic jokes, Babs.’
And that was the truth. She, Barbara Gordon was very nervous. Sweaty palms, shortness of breath, wanting to run and hide under the covers nervous. For someone who was always so in control of her emotions, who needed to be in control of every part of her life, this was very discomforting.
The truth was, she had a pretty good idea of how she expected this meeting to go. She was sure it was going to end in tears and probably some shouting by both parties, so of course she was nervous, big emotional scenes were not her thing. But looking into Helena’s eyes, Barbara suddenly had the feeling that she actually didn’t have the first clue as to what was going to happen in the next few minutes and her nerves got a whole lot worse.
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Helena stopped a couple of feet away from Barbara and shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “Hey,” she managed to get out through a throat that felt stuffed with cotton.
‘Oh great one, you go off and kill someone and don’t speak to her for two days, and the best you can do is, Hey,’ she thought to herself.
Helena still couldn’t bring herself to meet Barbara eyes, but from the way Barbara was sitting, she looked kinda nervous. For some perverse reason, this made Helena feel a little bit better and a little more determined. So when Barbara responded with a quiet, “Hello Helena,” in a voiced filled with love, she was able to keep from breaking into tears and wrapping her arms around the other woman. Barely.
Instead, Helena forced herself to meet the beautiful green eyes that were studying her so intensely, then managed to choke out, “I think we need to talk.”
“Yes Helena, I think we do,” Barbara responded. “I think you may be under a false impression . . .”
“Barbara I killed someone,” Helena interrupted. “Yeah he was a criminal, a first rate asshole, but he didn’t deserve to die. And we don’t kill.” This last was said so softly that Helena scarcely heard herself, but somehow Barbara caught it.
“Your right Helena, we don’t kill. You don’t kill.” Helena’s head snapped up at this. “That’s right Helena, he didn’t die. The paramedics were able to resuscitate him. He’ll be in the hospital for a long time, and he may never fully recover, but he’s not dead. You didn’t kill.”
Helena felt the tears start to flow down her face hearing Barbara tell her this in a voice filled with love and understanding. For one wild moment she allowed herself to hope, to believe that everything could go back to the way it was before. Yeah, so she had beaten some guy to a pulp, what else was new, he had probably deserved it. Barbara seemed, well not okay with it, but she didn’t seem like she hated Helena or was going to tell her to take a hike and never come back. So everything was all right then, wasn’t it?
But then she remembered the man’s blood covered body. The silence that she had heard when she had finally come back to herself. And another image flickered behind her eyes and was gone. An image of a man with a knife stuck in his ribs and Barbara’s tears as they fell on his slack face.
Helena knew what she had to do, it was for the best.
“Barbara,” Helena started, almost choking on the name, “he did die. It was only luck that they were able to save him. When I left, he was dead,” Helena said, tears still slipping down her face. “I didn’t kill him, but I might as well have,” she continued, no longer even sure what she was referring to. “This, this can’t go on.”
There, she had said it. Whatever happened now, she had actually done it.
Red seemed to jerk back in her chair a little bit and then stiffened all over. Her face stilled and it almost seemed like she was preparing for a blow.
“Helena, what do you mean,” Barbara asked in her most controlled voice.
“I mean, I mean that I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be Huntress.” When Barbara’s face immediately went blank, Helena realized she needed to add something. “At least, right now.” There was the slightest loosening of the other woman’s muscles. “I need some time. I need to figure out what’s going on with me and why I get so . . . angry . . . and hurt people and . . . well before it’s too late, you know? I’ve got to well, uh, get away.”
Barbara was completely still, but knowing the other woman as well as she did, Helena could see that super brain of hers going a mile a minute. Finally after a long silence she spoke, “Okay Hel, if that’s what you think you need.” Helena breathed a little easier at this. Barbara understood and was going to be okay with it. “So you take a few days or a week or two and then we’ll talk again. Everything will be alright Hel.” This last was accompanied by another sweet smile from the redhead.
With a sinking feeling, Helena realized that things were not going to be alright. Barbara didn’t understand and now Helena was going to have to make it worse.
“Uh, Barbara, that’s not really what I meant. When I said I had to get away, I kinda meant away, away. You know, um, like out of New Gotham away.” Helena couldn’t look at Barbara as she said this and instead turned her gaze to the floor.
“Out of New Gotham.” Barbara repeated in a dazed sounding voice.
Helena, distressed by the tone of Barbara’s voice, tried to sound enthusiastic. “Yeah you know, travel for a while. Just get away from everything. Do some soul searching, get a little culture. That kinda thing. It’ll be good for me, right?” She was desperately trying to make things better.
“Get some culture.” Barbara repeated again. “Helena what are you talking about?” Barbara’s eyes began flashing, and her voice just kept getting louder. “What are you thinking? You almost kill someone, so you just decide that you’ll go on vacation. You’ll go “see the sights” and that will make sure that next time you go up against some criminal you won’t beat him to death.”
Barbara was angry. She was angry and really, really scared, so she did what she always did when this happened with Helena. She lashed out and expected the brunette to respond with her own verbal assault . . . except she didn’t.
Helena felt like she had aged ten years in the last few days, and maybe she had, because instead of yelling at Barbara and telling her to back off, she recognized that the other woman was scared and so she tried her best to explain.
Walking over to kneel down in front of Barbara’s chair she reached out and gently lifted one of the redhead’s hands in her own. “Barbara it’s not like that. If I stay here, nothing will change. I’ll mope around my apartment for a couple of days, and then I won’t be able to resist calling you or coming over here to see you.” She gave Barbara a small smile which the other woman didn’t return. Sighing Helena continued, “I’ve got to change Barbara. I can’t keep being this out of control. You did your best with me. You saved me when Mom died. You taught me how to channel my anger and how I could use it to defend this city. But, it’s not enough . . . I’m not enough.”
Looking up into the green eyes so close to her own, she silently begged for the other woman to understand. After taking a short breath Barbara spoke in a near whisper. “You need to get away from me.”
“No, I . . .,” Helena automatically began, then paused. She needed to tell the other woman the truth. “Yeah,” she said softly and felt Barbara flinch. “Barbara, you’ve always made everything better. Since the first time I met you. But, I don’t think you can this time. I don’t think I can let you. It’s time for me to fix my own mistakes, to fix myself. I can’t do that here with you. I’m too used to leaning on you for everything. We’re totally co-dependent as I’m sure you’ve noticed,” Helena said hoping to earn a smile and was once again disappointed. The redhead just continued to sit there.
“I’m sorry Barbara. I’ve made all the arrangements. You won’t have to worry about anything, I’ve taken care of it. My apartment is all paid up for however long I’m gone. I’ve called around and found the best physical therapist to help you with your PT. They said they could either meet you at their offices or here at the tower. Dinah is ready to take over sweeps.” Seeing Barbara about to argue, Helena rushed ahead, “I know, I know, but we’ve trained her well, and I also contacted Nightwing.”
Nightwing, or Dick Grayson as he was known when he wasn’t running around in cape and cowl was her adopted brother. Bruce Wayne had taken him in and trained him to be his protégé. When Batman disappeared he had taken on a new superhero identity and was now defending Bludhaven, one of New Gotham’s neighboring cities.
Barbara looked shocked. “Nightwing! You called Dick? You hate Dick.”
“Yeah well it’s mutual and I hate him as a human being, not as a crime fighter. He’s actually okay at that.” Helena felt like she was chewing glass having to get that sentiment out. “He can help finish Dinah’s training and run sweeps for you. It will probably be good for her. Learning a new fighting style and everything. I’m not leaving you alone Babs, you can go on just like before. Oracle is still needed, right?”
“Helena,” Barbara started and cut herself off. Instead she looked directly into the brunette’s eyes. Helena felt like her entire soul was being laid bare and she wondered how much of her inner darkness the other woman would discover. Then Barbara closed her eyes and seemed to try and collect herself for several silent minutes. When green eyes opened again, Helena could only see some kind of determination shinning within them.
“When do you leave?”
Not sure she had heard correctly, Helena nevertheless replied. “Um, my plane leaves in,” she quickly glanced at the clock face, “uh, four hours.”
“I see,” Barbara stated calmly. “When do you think you’ll be back?”
“I . . . I’m not sure.”
“Well take the time you need,” Barbara continued in that eerily calm voice. “I’m sure we’ll be fine.”
Helena, unsure what the hell had just happened managed to stammer out, “Okay, well great, uh, thanks for you know being so understanding. I’ll uh, try and send you, um, postcards or something, to let you know how I’m doing.”
“I would appreciate that Helena,” was Barbara’s response.
Looking up into Barbara’s eyes from where she was still kneeling, Helena saw that she had completely closed herself off. Even knowing the other woman as well as she did, she had no idea what the redhead was thinking.
“Well uh, okay then. I should probably be going. You know how long it takes to get through security these days,” Helena tried to joke. Barbara just looked at her.
Suddenly it really hit Helena that she was leaving. Leaving Barbara. She wanted to just grab the other woman and take it all back, say it was a mistake, let Barbara make it better, but she couldn’t, that wouldn’t be fair. Instead she rose up and slowly leaned forward bringing her lip to brush softly against Barbara’s cheek. She inhaled the scent that always drove her crazy and she supposed always would, trying desperately to burn it into her memory as it was already burned into her heart.
Keeping her lips resting lightly where they were, she whispered into the soft skin. “I’ll come back.”
Helena straightened and without another glance walked to the elevator and exited the clock tower, leaving the life that she knew and the woman she loved behind.
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