I wonder
(this is a cross post from kelazma)
I wonder sometimes why it is that I do all of this internet stuff.
Except for a few people, I don't really talk to anyone online anymore. Honestly, aside from Alice, I might talk to two or three people a WEEK. And that's a good week.
I think, in some odd way, I may just be "growing out" of the internet. Now that I'm engaging with actual people, I'm kind of sorry to say that my internet life has pretty much gone away.
I know some of it is because of people I refuse to mention or refuse to talk to or about. That has been an uncomfortable position for more than just me. I have come to an understanding that I am not responsible for anyone's feelings about their own actions. How people CHOOSE to feel is their own business and I don't have to bear any sort of responsibility towards that. I think that turned a lot of people off about me, and funny enough - I don't really care that they think I'm horrible. I kind of enjoy it because they're thinking about me and I'm not thinking about them. Oh yes, I'm horribly cold.
It is very liberating to feel that I'm only responsible for my own feelings and my daughter's emotional well being. I don't have to emotionally babysit adults anymore. I don't have to coddle grown girls and boys anymore. I like that. I am free of those that used to chain me down to their emotional turmoil.
I am free to be me. And I will be me how I want and when I want and there's not anything anyone can do to bring me back into their drama because I choose to leave them and their drama behind.
Even though I just updated some information and re-registered for one of them, I'm not going to go to any Harry Potter Conventions, Symposiums, or random events. Probably not ever again. I don't need that drama so I choose not to be a part of any of that and I am so glad. I am glad I made a decision and I am sticking to this one.
I know that a few people asked me to go and wanted me to go but I don't believe the positives would outweigh the negatives in those types of situations. Let's be honest, I'm not really wanting to hang out with kids anymore. I need to embrace my thirties and stop trying to be friends with teenage High-School kids. That's ridiculous.
So if you don't see or hear much from me, just know that I have moved on with a life outside of this little black box and although my AIM is still on and running and that I do check messages and all of that...I am probably out socializing or other such 'irl' nonsense.
I wonder sometimes why it is that I do all of this internet stuff.
Except for a few people, I don't really talk to anyone online anymore. Honestly, aside from Alice, I might talk to two or three people a WEEK. And that's a good week.
I think, in some odd way, I may just be "growing out" of the internet. Now that I'm engaging with actual people, I'm kind of sorry to say that my internet life has pretty much gone away.
I know some of it is because of people I refuse to mention or refuse to talk to or about. That has been an uncomfortable position for more than just me. I have come to an understanding that I am not responsible for anyone's feelings about their own actions. How people CHOOSE to feel is their own business and I don't have to bear any sort of responsibility towards that. I think that turned a lot of people off about me, and funny enough - I don't really care that they think I'm horrible. I kind of enjoy it because they're thinking about me and I'm not thinking about them. Oh yes, I'm horribly cold.
It is very liberating to feel that I'm only responsible for my own feelings and my daughter's emotional well being. I don't have to emotionally babysit adults anymore. I don't have to coddle grown girls and boys anymore. I like that. I am free of those that used to chain me down to their emotional turmoil.
I am free to be me. And I will be me how I want and when I want and there's not anything anyone can do to bring me back into their drama because I choose to leave them and their drama behind.
Even though I just updated some information and re-registered for one of them, I'm not going to go to any Harry Potter Conventions, Symposiums, or random events. Probably not ever again. I don't need that drama so I choose not to be a part of any of that and I am so glad. I am glad I made a decision and I am sticking to this one.
I know that a few people asked me to go and wanted me to go but I don't believe the positives would outweigh the negatives in those types of situations. Let's be honest, I'm not really wanting to hang out with kids anymore. I need to embrace my thirties and stop trying to be friends with teenage High-School kids. That's ridiculous.
So if you don't see or hear much from me, just know that I have moved on with a life outside of this little black box and although my AIM is still on and running and that I do check messages and all of that...I am probably out socializing or other such 'irl' nonsense.