Yikes
So...yeah...it's time to get through this, isn't it?
I found out that for over a month now not only has Sam been talking to Brianne (while swearing up and down she wasn't), but that she has been making plans to take a road trip out to see her. On top of that, Robbie knew and was encouraging her (way to stab me in the back you asshole), as did Adam (who is taking her) and even her parents.
How do I feel about it? What could I possibly feel? Sam has been lying to me, preparing to cheat on me, and all the people I thought would talk some sense into her were behind it.
To make matters worse, she wants to "work things out" but she refuses to cancel the trip because it's something she has to "do for herself". I'm sorry, when did cheating on your girlfriend and betraying her trust become something you had to do for yourself?
We're supposed to go to that Star wars concert tomorrow that she bought me tickets for my birthday for. I don't know if I can get through it. That stupid hopeful part of me hopes that tomorrow she gets down on one knee, tells me she realizes I'm telling the truth, says fuck you to Brianne, and proposes. But I know she won't. I know it will be a regular old date, during a time when regular old dates just aren't good enough.
And I will have to walk away. Because as much as Sam says she wants to work things out, she has to stop with Brianne for that to happen. You have to stop betraying me for things to work out. So I have to walk away, do what's best for me, and try to pick up the pieces.
Yesterday I went to her house to watch a movie with her and her brother and cousin. Afterwards we talked about Dom a bit. I guess he was trying to convince her to start up the DnD group again. How? By saying I meant nothing to him and she would never have to worry about anything happening between us.
I always knew Dom really didn't care, but it was still a punch to the gut. I had really gone to him for support, and he never genuinely cared for me. He only tells people what he thinks they want to hear.
So now what? I lost my girlfriend of four years. With her I will lose my friends, my social group. Dom doesn't care, he never did. I have my job, but I only work two or three times a week, and am done before noon. I'm bored out of my mind. I want to run, to get out of this fucking state, but I can't leave until school finishes. Which means a year trapped here, trapped with the memories, and with Sam hounding me with apologies I might just be stupid enough to fall for.
I don't know what to do anymore...