So much for that
So, not the best of days.
I came over to Sam's last night. We decided that while her parents are gone for a week, we're going to try the whole living together thing and see how it goes. Alright, sounds reasonable.
So, since she's been either really fucking annoying/rude or really fucking annoying/clingy. It's like whenever I'm trying to talk to her she gets pissy or won't listen, but when I go off on my own she has to follow me and cling. If this is what apartment life is going to be like, fuck that. I can only be self sacrificing to an extent.
By the time I got up, the boys were already on their way over (minus Dom, obviously). Billy got here first, but I left him and Sam in the kitchen while I went to take a shower. By then Den had showed up, and we started playing a few rounds of Pandemic, one of Billy's board games. It was really fun and was going well.
About 4ish Robbie comes over, and I was getting a little fincky, so I opted out of the next game to use the computer. Wandered around facebook and such. Watched a little tv. Finally Sam came down to get me and instantly reach for my phone. I had sent some updates to twitter, so I reached for it back and she wouldn't give it back until I finally snapped at her. Then she moped for a good hour. Fucking a, grow up. Just because I don't want you going through my phone doesn't mean I'm fucking cheating on her. This was on top of thursday night, when she took a perfectly innocent facebook status and assumed I was off being a wild slut.
It just pisses me off. I'm with her for her happiness, I get nothing from it. And I've been loyal, and honestly put all I can into the relationship. But every other day she becomes convinced I'm cheating on her. I WISH I WAS! Because the only person I would waste my time with is Dominick, the one I love, and he'd rather fucking jump off a cliff than talk to me.
But anyway...we ate, then started some more board games. Robbie, Billy and Den all were dicks to me at some point, which just makes me wonder. I can be a bitch at times, but I'm getting a little sick for always being the bad guy in all this. I get treated like crap over the whole Dominick thing...
But I'm the easy bad guy. They can blame me for ruining the group and changing their friday nights. I'm the one who slept with him, the one who had a moment of weakness. The whore, the girl who let her hormones control her head. No one stops to think that I love him, that I got hurt. Instead, I get to endure snide remarks and hidden insults. I'm the reason they have to make up their fucking minds every friday night rather than automatically play DnD, only to wander off and do something later. I'm the reason why Billy's got to be the fourth shooter if they want to play a four person game, despite the fact he would have had to been in the old group any way.
I just don't know anymore. I don't know how long I can do this, this pretending that I don't feel like crap anymore. I spend half of friday nights curled up in Sam's room because I don't have the energy to put on a smile, and let the punches roles. Spending this much time with Sam makes me really think I couldn't keep it together if we lived together. But what else do I have? Break up with Sam, lose all my friends, even if they're not great friends to begin with. And if I break up with her, well then I really am the bad guy, the whore.
I wish someone understood, would know how badly all this hurts. But don't we all?
I came over to Sam's last night. We decided that while her parents are gone for a week, we're going to try the whole living together thing and see how it goes. Alright, sounds reasonable.
So, since she's been either really fucking annoying/rude or really fucking annoying/clingy. It's like whenever I'm trying to talk to her she gets pissy or won't listen, but when I go off on my own she has to follow me and cling. If this is what apartment life is going to be like, fuck that. I can only be self sacrificing to an extent.
By the time I got up, the boys were already on their way over (minus Dom, obviously). Billy got here first, but I left him and Sam in the kitchen while I went to take a shower. By then Den had showed up, and we started playing a few rounds of Pandemic, one of Billy's board games. It was really fun and was going well.
About 4ish Robbie comes over, and I was getting a little fincky, so I opted out of the next game to use the computer. Wandered around facebook and such. Watched a little tv. Finally Sam came down to get me and instantly reach for my phone. I had sent some updates to twitter, so I reached for it back and she wouldn't give it back until I finally snapped at her. Then she moped for a good hour. Fucking a, grow up. Just because I don't want you going through my phone doesn't mean I'm fucking cheating on her. This was on top of thursday night, when she took a perfectly innocent facebook status and assumed I was off being a wild slut.
It just pisses me off. I'm with her for her happiness, I get nothing from it. And I've been loyal, and honestly put all I can into the relationship. But every other day she becomes convinced I'm cheating on her. I WISH I WAS! Because the only person I would waste my time with is Dominick, the one I love, and he'd rather fucking jump off a cliff than talk to me.
But anyway...we ate, then started some more board games. Robbie, Billy and Den all were dicks to me at some point, which just makes me wonder. I can be a bitch at times, but I'm getting a little sick for always being the bad guy in all this. I get treated like crap over the whole Dominick thing...
But I'm the easy bad guy. They can blame me for ruining the group and changing their friday nights. I'm the one who slept with him, the one who had a moment of weakness. The whore, the girl who let her hormones control her head. No one stops to think that I love him, that I got hurt. Instead, I get to endure snide remarks and hidden insults. I'm the reason they have to make up their fucking minds every friday night rather than automatically play DnD, only to wander off and do something later. I'm the reason why Billy's got to be the fourth shooter if they want to play a four person game, despite the fact he would have had to been in the old group any way.
I just don't know anymore. I don't know how long I can do this, this pretending that I don't feel like crap anymore. I spend half of friday nights curled up in Sam's room because I don't have the energy to put on a smile, and let the punches roles. Spending this much time with Sam makes me really think I couldn't keep it together if we lived together. But what else do I have? Break up with Sam, lose all my friends, even if they're not great friends to begin with. And if I break up with her, well then I really am the bad guy, the whore.
I wish someone understood, would know how badly all this hurts. But don't we all?