Diary entry. Since when do I DO stuff on a holiday*?
+ Re codded the CSS on my lj, changing the pink to green. Seriously, I am NOT a pink girl. I don't even know how I stuck with it for so long.
+ Got a spanking new userhead that matches my upbringing. I grew up with my nose in Magritte and Dali (my two favs, so far, although I am a woman of many artistic loves. Go ahead, I'm an art slut, I'm not ashamed of it).
+ I drank too much tea. Which, aside from thet fact that I'll go to pee more than usual, is making me kind of queasy, because I made too much, and being myself, I can't not finish my cup. Ah, ana/mia, when you have me, I'm your whore. Still a little bit. Been Mia's lover for so long now, I miss the way Ana made me feel.
Ha. There it is. Codes again. See? Once an addict...
+ The rents busted out of here two days before my Bday. It's actually a nice present, thought it feels a bit miserable. I'd rather they not be here. I sleep better, my stomach's killing me less. Let's face it, trying to tiptoe around Dear Sargent Daddy and trying to not murder the guy is taking its toll on me.
Thought, I don't give him much time left, since I've come back, I've been able to see he's doing a good job on his own. Though I hate that he's taking my mom down with me.
Yes, I've sworn long ago I'd survive my dad. I'm only just now how much it means.
Anyway, being alone is supposed to allow me some time to be able to sort through my old stuff from different flats I rented and my stuff from childhood. That without choking on smoke or being blasted the same three albums at (Yes, it my home, it's the daughter that says 'turn your damn music down'. I don't mind much, but it runs me out of half the house. It's mine now! I can read next to the fireplace. *claps* I can have tea, read next to the fireplace, without the huge, ridiculously expensive speaker (as tall as my shoulder) playing music at the back of the armchair or the smoke from where my dad's painting making me queasy and high. The guy never stops anymore. Seriously. Maybe to eat?
Get off smoking and get some vicodin, you're choughing and choking very two drags. Grr.
+ All it took to spurr me on my 'cleaning holiday' was to be blown off by a friend. I'm kind of proud of myself. Instead of dweling on hurt, I just gathered up my resolve, put on Profiler from the start, and dug my way through my old stuff. And oh, OLD stuff. I went back to albums from my childhood, old diaries. Damn, that stuff with dad is dated, yet, it never really ages. :S
I found pics of my cousins' old places, of my room how it used to be with my brother's (I swear, HE was the one who picked it! Unbelievable!) ugly pink wallpaper with the fairies on it. (Seriously, man. You'd be gay, you'd be ashamed right now. :P)
Going through your old clothes and seeing how much weight you put on? Not so fun. Finding your old favorite top and seeing it's not more like a bra... Kind of fun, but still sad to have to pass it on. *pouts*
Realising that, digging through boxes from three different appartments that didn't get unpacked, ever, plus what came back from the recent trip to Oz, that I own pretty much a full box of makeup.... A riot.
I don't use any, of course. But I'm guess I'm set for the work years to come. :p
+ I've snagged the whole Glee soundtrack. Am enjoying cleaning the house while singing at the top of my lungs. (Yes, I'm cleaning. O___o I knowwww!!!)
As soon as I'm settled somewhere, I'd love to find a choral or a band again, and maybe some dancing classes. And art classes.
Gosh, what I'd give to be an idle rich! I'd have time for that. Dude, I'm wishing I was a trofy wife. Meh. I'm a catch alright. But I'll be my own. *nods* Self made, from... not even scratch, really. From pure, drawning in mud and redeck 'tude, crap. God, growing up is SAD.
+ I found my old witchcraft supplies. Oh, dear, i didn't remember I had that many candles still. I mean, obviously, you'd need some to complete a circle, but.... blacks and blues. :D
My cauldron! It's a mini cauldron, offered by an old... (probably?) relative from Ireland, along with my pentagram charm when she taught me about Wicca. It feels like ages ago, which... hey, when it's been more than a decade...
Rotten rose petals? Not that nice smelling anymore. I'm surprised my chiken feet are still intact. lol
And yeah, I have so many stuff from many influences in there. A couple rabit's feet, a rabit and a cat's skull (I know! I didn't kill them! Oo). A wolf's tail, I think... odd mix of Wicca, Voudou and.. teenage inspiration. I found my chrystals again and it made me smile and stare at them in the light for a while.
It's a period that I missed. I was itchy in my own skin, full of teenage angst and heartbreak but my real worries were whether I'd get my dad mad enough so he'd forbid me to watch Buffy saturday night.
These days I'm learning more and more about how badly fucked up my family is, I've come back to changed people, and I wonder about making rent and finding a good situation for myself.
Not that fun. Bleh. /dislike
+ I'm reading! From a book, not from a screen! Actualy reading words on paper and enjoying them. For years, i've had trouble falling asleep and I've stopped reading then, it used to bring on panic attacks. i've found a way around it. For now, at least, I'm making time during the day to plop that butt down that antique leather armchair, full of personality and stitched back tears and read. For now it's fiction from a fictional author, which, if it doesn't make your head swim, protrays his fictional self in the story. Anyway, good stuff. I'm enjoying it a lot and laughing out loud. (Ochoa can't type! MOUAHAH! Someone's gonna be pissed!)
+ I took bath. (I know, fascinating, innit?) The downstairs bathroom is the one with the tub and it doesn't lock, so I had to wait for my parents to be GONE to do so, because as much as I repeated that "I don't care that you've seen me naked when I was a kid and that you don't care, I DO!!", they still come in to grab stuff. without warning, making me jump and drop whatever book I was reading in the water.
Though novels look funny once dry, it still breaks my heart. And makes me want to splash them in the face.
+ It seemed that I had a lot to say, which I didn't expect when I started on this. Hm. Random brain.
EDIT: How about a lj cut, hm?
+ On that note, since, it's playing, I'll quote you the wise, wise song. "Dream on until your dream comes true." I know I am.
+ Got a spanking new userhead that matches my upbringing. I grew up with my nose in Magritte and Dali (my two favs, so far, although I am a woman of many artistic loves. Go ahead, I'm an art slut, I'm not ashamed of it).
+ I drank too much tea. Which, aside from thet fact that I'll go to pee more than usual, is making me kind of queasy, because I made too much, and being myself, I can't not finish my cup. Ah, ana/mia, when you have me, I'm your whore. Still a little bit. Been Mia's lover for so long now, I miss the way Ana made me feel.
Ha. There it is. Codes again. See? Once an addict...
+ The rents busted out of here two days before my Bday. It's actually a nice present, thought it feels a bit miserable. I'd rather they not be here. I sleep better, my stomach's killing me less. Let's face it, trying to tiptoe around Dear Sargent Daddy and trying to not murder the guy is taking its toll on me.
Thought, I don't give him much time left, since I've come back, I've been able to see he's doing a good job on his own. Though I hate that he's taking my mom down with me.
Yes, I've sworn long ago I'd survive my dad. I'm only just now how much it means.
Anyway, being alone is supposed to allow me some time to be able to sort through my old stuff from different flats I rented and my stuff from childhood. That without choking on smoke or being blasted the same three albums at (Yes, it my home, it's the daughter that says 'turn your damn music down'. I don't mind much, but it runs me out of half the house. It's mine now! I can read next to the fireplace. *claps* I can have tea, read next to the fireplace, without the huge, ridiculously expensive speaker (as tall as my shoulder) playing music at the back of the armchair or the smoke from where my dad's painting making me queasy and high. The guy never stops anymore. Seriously. Maybe to eat?
Get off smoking and get some vicodin, you're choughing and choking very two drags. Grr.
+ All it took to spurr me on my 'cleaning holiday' was to be blown off by a friend. I'm kind of proud of myself. Instead of dweling on hurt, I just gathered up my resolve, put on Profiler from the start, and dug my way through my old stuff. And oh, OLD stuff. I went back to albums from my childhood, old diaries. Damn, that stuff with dad is dated, yet, it never really ages. :S
I found pics of my cousins' old places, of my room how it used to be with my brother's (I swear, HE was the one who picked it! Unbelievable!) ugly pink wallpaper with the fairies on it. (Seriously, man. You'd be gay, you'd be ashamed right now. :P)
Going through your old clothes and seeing how much weight you put on? Not so fun. Finding your old favorite top and seeing it's not more like a bra... Kind of fun, but still sad to have to pass it on. *pouts*
Realising that, digging through boxes from three different appartments that didn't get unpacked, ever, plus what came back from the recent trip to Oz, that I own pretty much a full box of makeup.... A riot.
I don't use any, of course. But I'm guess I'm set for the work years to come. :p
+ I've snagged the whole Glee soundtrack. Am enjoying cleaning the house while singing at the top of my lungs. (Yes, I'm cleaning. O___o I knowwww!!!)
As soon as I'm settled somewhere, I'd love to find a choral or a band again, and maybe some dancing classes. And art classes.
Gosh, what I'd give to be an idle rich! I'd have time for that. Dude, I'm wishing I was a trofy wife. Meh. I'm a catch alright. But I'll be my own. *nods* Self made, from... not even scratch, really. From pure, drawning in mud and redeck 'tude, crap. God, growing up is SAD.
+ I found my old witchcraft supplies. Oh, dear, i didn't remember I had that many candles still. I mean, obviously, you'd need some to complete a circle, but.... blacks and blues. :D
My cauldron! It's a mini cauldron, offered by an old... (probably?) relative from Ireland, along with my pentagram charm when she taught me about Wicca. It feels like ages ago, which... hey, when it's been more than a decade...
Rotten rose petals? Not that nice smelling anymore. I'm surprised my chiken feet are still intact. lol
And yeah, I have so many stuff from many influences in there. A couple rabit's feet, a rabit and a cat's skull (I know! I didn't kill them! Oo). A wolf's tail, I think... odd mix of Wicca, Voudou and.. teenage inspiration. I found my chrystals again and it made me smile and stare at them in the light for a while.
It's a period that I missed. I was itchy in my own skin, full of teenage angst and heartbreak but my real worries were whether I'd get my dad mad enough so he'd forbid me to watch Buffy saturday night.
These days I'm learning more and more about how badly fucked up my family is, I've come back to changed people, and I wonder about making rent and finding a good situation for myself.
Not that fun. Bleh. /dislike
+ I'm reading! From a book, not from a screen! Actualy reading words on paper and enjoying them. For years, i've had trouble falling asleep and I've stopped reading then, it used to bring on panic attacks. i've found a way around it. For now, at least, I'm making time during the day to plop that butt down that antique leather armchair, full of personality and stitched back tears and read. For now it's fiction from a fictional author, which, if it doesn't make your head swim, protrays his fictional self in the story. Anyway, good stuff. I'm enjoying it a lot and laughing out loud. (Ochoa can't type! MOUAHAH! Someone's gonna be pissed!)
+ I took bath. (I know, fascinating, innit?) The downstairs bathroom is the one with the tub and it doesn't lock, so I had to wait for my parents to be GONE to do so, because as much as I repeated that "I don't care that you've seen me naked when I was a kid and that you don't care, I DO!!", they still come in to grab stuff. without warning, making me jump and drop whatever book I was reading in the water.
Though novels look funny once dry, it still breaks my heart. And makes me want to splash them in the face.
+ It seemed that I had a lot to say, which I didn't expect when I started on this. Hm. Random brain.
EDIT: How about a lj cut, hm?
+ On that note, since, it's playing, I'll quote you the wise, wise song. "Dream on until your dream comes true." I know I am.