Drazi homeworld, Autumn 2252
Topics: Does heartache make you stronger?
How did you lose your virginity?
Damage destructor, crowd disrupter
Youth corrupter, everytimer
Taste me, taste me
Succumb to me, succumb to me
Taste me, taste me
Succumb to me, succumb to your killer
“You are thinking about him again Adira.” There was accusation in Na’Loth’s voice. She had the right to. After all the last two times I had remembered him I tried to take my own life. I didn’t even turn to look at her I just nodded.
“It has been a year and I still wake up thinking he will be there.” I felt tears welling up.
“You’re a crazy woman; He tried to kill you how many times the first week after you met him, 10, 12?” Na’Loth laughed. I couldn’t help but laugh with her. It was crazy to love someone who tried to kill you but love doesn’t see those things.
“Na’Loth do you remember trying to break down the dressing room door? I still can’t believe you tried that. What were you thinking?” I was smiling.
“That he was killing you. He was an assassin and had nearly poisoned you that morning. Adira, you screamed remember. You never told me what was going on.” She always asked and I always told her she didn’t want to know but today I was feeling feisty.
I laughed at her. She was too curious. “The scream, oh, he tore my dress off.” I could barely contain my laughter.
“What?” She was shocked. It was no surprise she had not had such experiences yet. “Why?”
“Na’Loth, why do you think? Of course you never believed me when I told you he was a Centauri, perhaps you are still in denial?” I was teasing her. It was true that when we had gone to look for him everyone said he was a human and he didn’t wear his hair in a crest but he was a Centauri no doubt. I knew the first time I saw him, there was an air of arrogance and pride about him that only Centauri men seem to possess.
Na’Loth looked at me suspiciously, “I have a feeling you are going to tell me something I will regret hearing.”
“I still can’t believe you kept trying to break down the door.” She had tried three or four times before he yelled at her. “What did he yell to you, I was in no state to remember?”
Her eyebrows furrowed, "No state?” She was confused. “He shouted, “Come back later I am only on three.” I am not so sure I want to know what that means.”
I had forgotten what he had said, or perhaps hadn’t really heard it at all. Being reminded of it made me laugh hysterically. It was just his style to say something so offensive. “Well our men have six…”
Na’Loth interrupted me. “I don’t want to hear anymore, I know where this is going and I don’t like it.”
I started laughing again. “He had gotten it into his mind to start with three at once instead of one like most...”
“Adira.” Na’Loth broke in again she was getting angry but I ignored her. She was the one who had insisted on knowing.
“I hadn’t had a man take me before and I was surprised to say the least to start…”
“No more, I am sorry I asked.” She raised her arms in surrender and frustration.
“You are sexy, for a Narn, especially when you are angry?” Gunrunner had told her that as he walked out of the dressing room that day and ended it with a kiss on the cheek. If a Narn could blush she would have been ten shades of red.
She shot me an angry glance for that comment then curiosity entered her eyes again. “So if he was that attracted to you why did he keep trying to kill you?”
“I had asked him if he had brought the poison when he first came in that night. He said “No.” I asked him again “Why did you come here then, Centauri?” he tried to play it off like he wasn’t a Centauri. Then he gave me this very strange look somewhere between defeat, desire and anger and in a completely flat tone he said “Everyone has their weakness, I couldn’t resist.” And the kiss followed could have made the Great Goddess herself swoon. No assassin wants anyone, particularly another assassin, to know their weakness, especially when it is the other assassin that is the weakness.” I grinned remembering his kiss.
“Yeah, What did he say.. O that’s right. “Woman you are never unarmed, I have seen you dance." He was right, you would be one deadly weakness.” She laughed but then became serious, “I know you cared for him but why do you get so crazy.” She was worried.
“There are many reasons. I did care for him, perhaps I even loved him. He was only a few ducats from being able to buy my contract. Right before they shot him he had told me that he would buy me and then do some freelance assassin work to buy us a house on one of the Centauri colony worlds. Gunrunner had even said he would join the legitimate guild so he wouldn’t be such a disgrace to my family. The last thing he said was, “Adira, I want you to be my wife.” Instead of buying my freedom, I bought his burial.” I slumped to the floor as the feelings rushed back and I cried. It hurt to remember him. Na’Loth rushed to my side to comfort me. Narn are not usually physical when it comes to such things but she was from time to time.
“Adira, I am sorry. I know it hurts.” She was trying to be supportive but I became furious.
“You don’t know anything.” I shoved her away. “Don’t you ever wonder why he was shot by a psi cop?”
Na’Loth shook her head. I felt guilty when I saw that she was afraid but it didn’t matter at the moment. “He was an assassin, a telepath and an alien. They saw him as a threat. You have no idea the pain. When I think of him I can feel him inside my mind. It is like he is still here only I can’t touch him or see him.” I sighed trying to push the anger away. “When we would kiss I could feel what he felt, feel how he felt about me. It was like we were one person.” The anger surged again uncontrollably. “He was kissing me when he was shot. I felt him die in my mind and I can never forget it.” I felt drained as Na’Loth crawled back to my side. Her arms wrapped around me and I cried myself to sleep.
There are no words for the pain of losing someone who has shared your mind. I miss him sometimes but I have learned to deal with feeling his presence. Whomever the human fool was that said “Heartache makes us stronger.” he was a crazy fool and obviously has never experienced love. Heartache has done nothing but crush me like a delicate wine glass under Li’s footsteps.
Crossposted to theatrical_muse
How did you lose your virginity?
Damage destructor, crowd disrupter
Youth corrupter, everytimer
Taste me, taste me
Succumb to me, succumb to me
Taste me, taste me
Succumb to me, succumb to your killer
“You are thinking about him again Adira.” There was accusation in Na’Loth’s voice. She had the right to. After all the last two times I had remembered him I tried to take my own life. I didn’t even turn to look at her I just nodded.
“It has been a year and I still wake up thinking he will be there.” I felt tears welling up.
“You’re a crazy woman; He tried to kill you how many times the first week after you met him, 10, 12?” Na’Loth laughed. I couldn’t help but laugh with her. It was crazy to love someone who tried to kill you but love doesn’t see those things.
“Na’Loth do you remember trying to break down the dressing room door? I still can’t believe you tried that. What were you thinking?” I was smiling.
“That he was killing you. He was an assassin and had nearly poisoned you that morning. Adira, you screamed remember. You never told me what was going on.” She always asked and I always told her she didn’t want to know but today I was feeling feisty.
I laughed at her. She was too curious. “The scream, oh, he tore my dress off.” I could barely contain my laughter.
“What?” She was shocked. It was no surprise she had not had such experiences yet. “Why?”
“Na’Loth, why do you think? Of course you never believed me when I told you he was a Centauri, perhaps you are still in denial?” I was teasing her. It was true that when we had gone to look for him everyone said he was a human and he didn’t wear his hair in a crest but he was a Centauri no doubt. I knew the first time I saw him, there was an air of arrogance and pride about him that only Centauri men seem to possess.
Na’Loth looked at me suspiciously, “I have a feeling you are going to tell me something I will regret hearing.”
“I still can’t believe you kept trying to break down the door.” She had tried three or four times before he yelled at her. “What did he yell to you, I was in no state to remember?”
Her eyebrows furrowed, "No state?” She was confused. “He shouted, “Come back later I am only on three.” I am not so sure I want to know what that means.”
I had forgotten what he had said, or perhaps hadn’t really heard it at all. Being reminded of it made me laugh hysterically. It was just his style to say something so offensive. “Well our men have six…”
Na’Loth interrupted me. “I don’t want to hear anymore, I know where this is going and I don’t like it.”
I started laughing again. “He had gotten it into his mind to start with three at once instead of one like most...”
“Adira.” Na’Loth broke in again she was getting angry but I ignored her. She was the one who had insisted on knowing.
“I hadn’t had a man take me before and I was surprised to say the least to start…”
“No more, I am sorry I asked.” She raised her arms in surrender and frustration.
“You are sexy, for a Narn, especially when you are angry?” Gunrunner had told her that as he walked out of the dressing room that day and ended it with a kiss on the cheek. If a Narn could blush she would have been ten shades of red.
She shot me an angry glance for that comment then curiosity entered her eyes again. “So if he was that attracted to you why did he keep trying to kill you?”
“I had asked him if he had brought the poison when he first came in that night. He said “No.” I asked him again “Why did you come here then, Centauri?” he tried to play it off like he wasn’t a Centauri. Then he gave me this very strange look somewhere between defeat, desire and anger and in a completely flat tone he said “Everyone has their weakness, I couldn’t resist.” And the kiss followed could have made the Great Goddess herself swoon. No assassin wants anyone, particularly another assassin, to know their weakness, especially when it is the other assassin that is the weakness.” I grinned remembering his kiss.
“Yeah, What did he say.. O that’s right. “Woman you are never unarmed, I have seen you dance." He was right, you would be one deadly weakness.” She laughed but then became serious, “I know you cared for him but why do you get so crazy.” She was worried.
“There are many reasons. I did care for him, perhaps I even loved him. He was only a few ducats from being able to buy my contract. Right before they shot him he had told me that he would buy me and then do some freelance assassin work to buy us a house on one of the Centauri colony worlds. Gunrunner had even said he would join the legitimate guild so he wouldn’t be such a disgrace to my family. The last thing he said was, “Adira, I want you to be my wife.” Instead of buying my freedom, I bought his burial.” I slumped to the floor as the feelings rushed back and I cried. It hurt to remember him. Na’Loth rushed to my side to comfort me. Narn are not usually physical when it comes to such things but she was from time to time.
“Adira, I am sorry. I know it hurts.” She was trying to be supportive but I became furious.
“You don’t know anything.” I shoved her away. “Don’t you ever wonder why he was shot by a psi cop?”
Na’Loth shook her head. I felt guilty when I saw that she was afraid but it didn’t matter at the moment. “He was an assassin, a telepath and an alien. They saw him as a threat. You have no idea the pain. When I think of him I can feel him inside my mind. It is like he is still here only I can’t touch him or see him.” I sighed trying to push the anger away. “When we would kiss I could feel what he felt, feel how he felt about me. It was like we were one person.” The anger surged again uncontrollably. “He was kissing me when he was shot. I felt him die in my mind and I can never forget it.” I felt drained as Na’Loth crawled back to my side. Her arms wrapped around me and I cried myself to sleep.
There are no words for the pain of losing someone who has shared your mind. I miss him sometimes but I have learned to deal with feeling his presence. Whomever the human fool was that said “Heartache makes us stronger.” he was a crazy fool and obviously has never experienced love. Heartache has done nothing but crush me like a delicate wine glass under Li’s footsteps.
Crossposted to theatrical_muse