still strugling to find myself.
another year past, another year behind me.
it was amazing.. i met the love of my life and im certain i want to be with her for my entire life. i just dont know if she still feels the same. as of last week shes gone.
gone back to her old life, and it hurts so much. all i can do is hope and have faith.
i love her more than anybody knows. she made me feel so alive... <3
now to the complete present.
im back to feeling hopeless and im still unsure of many things.
just like the last post about my 2 year aniversary of my rebirth, in 10 days marks the 3rd year in my new life.
and once again i feel nothing, though its the most important thing thats happened to me.
im happy to be alive and im grateful ,but a lot of times i feel as if i should have just died to prevent any further pain.
its sad but true. i just want to be completely happy and sure of my future. ill never know.
the only reason i was excited for this years celebration of my new lungs was because i couldnt wait to share it with jeri, the girl whos been through a lot with me and been there to care for me. it really would have meant a lot to me, but she left before i had a chance to have that day with her. although it not my fault i regret it. only god knows if shell be there for me next time around...
i miss her dearly. and i pray for everything to work out. i just hate not knowing.
sometimes i just want to get away from it all. move to somewhere completely new and start a completely new life. im tired of how my life always turns out. maybe one day i can havde everytthing i need and want.
again im rambling on and on.. its funny how this site makes me do this.
i just feel like im losing grip on what i know and love. thats why i vent to no one.
there was a time when i was cared for, when people actualy cared what i had to say. RIP to that.
once again day dreaming is a daily part of me.
once again insomnia controls my nights.
once again i wonder when things will just fall in place... not for a bit but forever.
once again i have no control.
once again i want to be happy. truly happy.
ive found that thing that makes me truly happy but its gone.
for the rest of my life? i really hope not. i pray to god, to have her one day by myside.
i am strong i know this but im broken.
she can put me back together.
i wont give up on her.
im going now.
i talk to much.
repent me to hope and love.
it was amazing.. i met the love of my life and im certain i want to be with her for my entire life. i just dont know if she still feels the same. as of last week shes gone.
gone back to her old life, and it hurts so much. all i can do is hope and have faith.
i love her more than anybody knows. she made me feel so alive... <3
now to the complete present.
im back to feeling hopeless and im still unsure of many things.
just like the last post about my 2 year aniversary of my rebirth, in 10 days marks the 3rd year in my new life.
and once again i feel nothing, though its the most important thing thats happened to me.
im happy to be alive and im grateful ,but a lot of times i feel as if i should have just died to prevent any further pain.
its sad but true. i just want to be completely happy and sure of my future. ill never know.
the only reason i was excited for this years celebration of my new lungs was because i couldnt wait to share it with jeri, the girl whos been through a lot with me and been there to care for me. it really would have meant a lot to me, but she left before i had a chance to have that day with her. although it not my fault i regret it. only god knows if shell be there for me next time around...
i miss her dearly. and i pray for everything to work out. i just hate not knowing.
sometimes i just want to get away from it all. move to somewhere completely new and start a completely new life. im tired of how my life always turns out. maybe one day i can havde everytthing i need and want.
again im rambling on and on.. its funny how this site makes me do this.
i just feel like im losing grip on what i know and love. thats why i vent to no one.
there was a time when i was cared for, when people actualy cared what i had to say. RIP to that.
once again day dreaming is a daily part of me.
once again insomnia controls my nights.
once again i wonder when things will just fall in place... not for a bit but forever.
once again i have no control.
once again i want to be happy. truly happy.
ive found that thing that makes me truly happy but its gone.
for the rest of my life? i really hope not. i pray to god, to have her one day by myside.
i am strong i know this but im broken.
she can put me back together.
i wont give up on her.
im going now.
i talk to much.
repent me to hope and love.