(no subject)

[adidaspj18]

agony
confusion
these are the only "real" emotions i am sure i can feel
i am constantly feeling lost
not ever really aware that people "need" me
i sometimes contemplate what people would be like without me
actually, i don't
i never think about the effects (or affects, i don't really care)
when i think about my death
it will never happen by my hand
so i suppose it is not really an issue
sometimes i hate people for stupid things
and sometimes i love people for stupid things
i just wish i could be at peace somewhere

maybe when school starts, life will begin anew
already with my license i feel refreshed
but i have yet to really use it
i always wanted to visit people constantly
but now people are busy
no time for me, no time for anything

life is a shitty deal of cards
and sometimes i want to fold
but i know it's just not possible, so i don't fight that

arg
i feel like such shit
like i am worth absolutely nothing
but
i guess that should make me strive to be better
but
i seem to be self-defeatist
haha, understatement of the year

i really need to be with someone, if even in presence only
hell, let me come to your house and stay in my car outiside
just sit by the window
and glance at me occasionally
this is all i ask
that is all i need
that is...