it's been a while
Well it has been a long time since I have even read this thing. Wow I look back on all the pain I written through. I am stuck in New York, and northern New York. This six weeks is going to be very hard. its already almost been a week and I am starving myself in this rehab bull shit. I wanted to I can kick this, but the parents agreed I need to build on the tools to stay out of drugs. I made a concious decision to stay out after detox. I miss Tina more than my own sobriety. After detox I met the most amazing girl I have ever met, her eye's pierced through me like something that I have never felt. I have been so confused over girls, I have been upset, I have gone through a lot, and I know because it has been a long time since I have checked my LJ atleast 2 years, I came back to only write of the same exact things I dwell on.
I am such a sucker for love stories, and romantic endings. I adore her. This will never happen. I met her five days ago and I can already feel heart break. When ever I have let myself fall like this it gets really bad. Things get really bad, and now that I have been fuckin with Heroine I don't know whats going to happen. The drugs began to peak and I end up here. She is honestly my Heroine. Being on the needle for 6 years, her still using when her withdrawls hit hard does not stop me. My breathe starts to shorten in her presence, and she has so many festering issues. I want to show her what the hell life is all about, but how can I when I don't even know what its all about. I need to stop relying on people so much to get me through rough times. You're My HEROINE!
I don't know what to do about this girl, she sits at my mind, and all I want to do is get back to phoenix, I am going to write in this every day I am gone. I called her today, and she said that she thinks things are moving way to fast. After detox I spent the night at her house that night. Things took off way to fast, and I don't know how she will react, she has so many amazing qualities, so many amazing things about her I can't even explain. Yes Stacey is the last person I have felt this way for, I tried to off myself for Stacey for fuck sake. I tried to end my life because someone would not be with me. Have I really come this far as to rely on people so much to end my life because I cannot have them. Shit man people interupt like no other here. It's called a little fucking privacy. I can't stand this anymore, I will manifest this feeling for 5 weeks, get over it, come home, get my heart broken, and then probably smoke dope, because I cannot handle love for shit. I always crack under the pressure, I am drama, I am episodes, I am something fierce.
Smile in your sleep.
When we met you said we were the same
You know were different, were different.
I am such a sucker for love stories, and romantic endings. I adore her. This will never happen. I met her five days ago and I can already feel heart break. When ever I have let myself fall like this it gets really bad. Things get really bad, and now that I have been fuckin with Heroine I don't know whats going to happen. The drugs began to peak and I end up here. She is honestly my Heroine. Being on the needle for 6 years, her still using when her withdrawls hit hard does not stop me. My breathe starts to shorten in her presence, and she has so many festering issues. I want to show her what the hell life is all about, but how can I when I don't even know what its all about. I need to stop relying on people so much to get me through rough times. You're My HEROINE!
I don't know what to do about this girl, she sits at my mind, and all I want to do is get back to phoenix, I am going to write in this every day I am gone. I called her today, and she said that she thinks things are moving way to fast. After detox I spent the night at her house that night. Things took off way to fast, and I don't know how she will react, she has so many amazing qualities, so many amazing things about her I can't even explain. Yes Stacey is the last person I have felt this way for, I tried to off myself for Stacey for fuck sake. I tried to end my life because someone would not be with me. Have I really come this far as to rely on people so much to end my life because I cannot have them. Shit man people interupt like no other here. It's called a little fucking privacy. I can't stand this anymore, I will manifest this feeling for 5 weeks, get over it, come home, get my heart broken, and then probably smoke dope, because I cannot handle love for shit. I always crack under the pressure, I am drama, I am episodes, I am something fierce.
Smile in your sleep.
When we met you said we were the same
You know were different, were different.