Fanfic [Everworld]: Darkness {1/1}
Title: Darkness
Category: Everworld
Disclaimer: All characters belong to K.A. Applegate and whichever companies the books are published by.
Rating: 13
Spoilers: Set somewhere between the third and fourth books, I think.
Summary: Darkness has different effects on people. For her, it brings a memory that can destroy her.
Notes: Quite an old, fragmented piece.
{... dare to believe for one last time / then i’ll let the darkness cover me / deny everything and slowly walk away ...}
- Darkness, Disturbed (Believe)
She remembers it now, in this place that stinks of things that she can’t even describe. It comes to her in short bursts of terror that leave her gasping, choking against the foul air. It is the dark that brings the memory back, a thick velvet coat of darkness that drapes around her, hugging her body like second skin, binding her mouth and nose in its silken grip.
She curls into herself, drawing knees up to chest, head bowed to touch knees. She has to be small, has to be invisible. He can’t see her, can’t find her. Her breath hitches in her throat as she remembers when he found her before and what happened then.
The darkness wraps itself around her more tightly and she is six years old again, hiding in the small closet that does little to conceal the sound of her whimpers. The closet door opens and suddenly she is sixteen again, only this time there is a knot of dread tightening in her stomach.
Her mouth moves soundlessly, darkness slipping into her, sliding into her blood, freezing her in this defensive position, allowing this old new knowledge to settle in her head.
She realises something as the darkness continues to contaminate her and it frightens her. The memory hovers in front of her and she can see herself reaching towards it even as she can hear herself screaming to stop.
She is torn. She wants to know what she doesn’t remember and why, but the part in her that does remember wishes to forget, to give into the temptation to just close her eyes and return to sanity. Even as she realises this, her eyes drift shut, causing the screaming to get louder. She blinks owlishly in the dark that conceals even the gleam in her eyes.
She mustn’t fall asleep. Not until she knows for sure why this memory has come to her now, why she had not remembered it until now. To keep the sleep at bay she brings different thoughts into her mind.
She wonders what they would think of her if they were to see her now.
David, with his sword, she thinks of first. She knows what he would do upon seeing her cower into a corner like this. He would look around, magic sword in hand, searching for the threat, the monster that kept her curled into a ball. It’s all right April, I’m here now. I’ll protect you. You’re safe with me. I’ll slay the dragon, save the poor damsel in distress. Don’t worry April. I’ll kill it. He wouldn’t understand that the monster was in her mind, was part of her. Brave David. Strong David. Stubborn David. Poor David.
Christopher would rush to her and ask her what was wrong. She thinks that he would mask concern with humour, worry with innuendo. Why are you sitting in the corner April? Aren’t you a bit old to be afraid of the dark? Want me to kiss it all better? I can you know. Wherever you want me to. You need me to kiss it all better? Or maybe you just don’t want to sleep in that big comfy bed by yourself. I can keep you company. He would waggle his eyebrows, and then she would smile because Christopher could always make her smile. She would yell as well because Christopher never failed to make her yell either. She often wonders if things might have been different between them if all this had never happened. If Everworld had never happened. If Senna had never happened.
She knows what Jalil would do as well. He would stand between Christopher and David and argue that this couldn’t be happening to her because it would mean that her ‘software’ had changed, that a person can’t just wish up memories with a snap of a finger. Only she hasn’t wished for these. He would look at her with those dark eyes she sometimes think that she could drown in and smile that half smile he has. Are you sure that it wasn’t just a dream April? Maybe you’re projecting. It happens. You’re feeling down because of what happened to Galahad and you blame Senna for it. It’s not real April, it’s all just in your head. You can’t suddenly have new memories. He would be right about the blaming Senna bit. And she only wishes that it were a dream. Because that would mean that it wasn’t real. Real-World April thinks she may have a crush on Jalil with the moody eyes and cynical nature. Everworld April knows that there isn’t any point in it because it seems that Jalil wants Senna, like David and Christopher want Senna. However, she does wish that he were here, because now she even has a retort to his hypothetical argument ready, one that would leave no room for debate.
W.T.E, Jalil, W.T.E.
She saves her for last. Would always save her for last. As always, there would be an air of danger around her sister. Half sister. Non-sister. She would wear that mocking smirk of hers, and her eyes would dance with sick pleasure. Senna would look at her and laugh, because Senna hates her like she hates Senna, that same bone deep hatred that is the only link between them apart from a blood tie that is weak at best and non existent at worst. Nevertheless, she thinks that she wouldn’t mind Senna laughing, not right now.
Because she knows why now, understands why she is remembering things she hadn’t know were there to remember. And Senna laughing would somehow make it easier, make it seem less real.
She realises she hates Senna for different reasons from why Real-World April does. Real-World April doesn’t know why she dislikes her half sister so much, can’t think of a reason for it but does it anyway because it is as if she always has, apart from that first month or so when Senna had first come to them. Then she hadn’t hated Senna, hadn’t loathed her own flesh and blood. But then it changed and it seemed to her like she had always hated Senna.
Real-World April doesn’t remember the closet or the bone numbing fear that accompanied it. Real-World April doesn’t remember Senna’s childish sneer or the words that the seven year old had muttered then. Real-World April doesn’t remember the day that started this all, so long ago, doesn’t realise how one day Senna had changed her life beyond her control.
But Everworld April does. Somehow, she remembers it now, in these flashes that continue to run rampant in her mind. She sees it all, and understands why she remembers even as she tries to battle it all back.
She wants to be Real-World April with no memories. But she can’t go back because then she’d remember, she’d know what she tried to hide. Real-World April doesn’t remember now. But she will and then things will change.
Real-World April hasn’t realised that it’s possible to hate as Everworld April does, doesn’t think that she can loathe someone as Everworld April does. Everworld April is under no such illusion because she knows exactly how she feels towards her sister, her flesh and blood, her enemy. She knows what it feels like to hate like that, to loathe like that. She feels like that towards Senna.
But it’s not as if Senna would care. Senna hates them both, she knows. She knows that Senna thinks of Real-World April as nothing more than a nuisance, someone she has to put up with. She isn’t quite sure what Senna thinks of Everworld April, but she knows that she hates her.
She knows what it is to hate and to be hated, whether she is in the real world or in Everworld.
And April finally understands why she is remembering this now.
Fin
Category: Everworld
Disclaimer: All characters belong to K.A. Applegate and whichever companies the books are published by.
Rating: 13
Spoilers: Set somewhere between the third and fourth books, I think.
Summary: Darkness has different effects on people. For her, it brings a memory that can destroy her.
Notes: Quite an old, fragmented piece.
{... dare to believe for one last time / then i’ll let the darkness cover me / deny everything and slowly walk away ...}
- Darkness, Disturbed (Believe)
She remembers it now, in this place that stinks of things that she can’t even describe. It comes to her in short bursts of terror that leave her gasping, choking against the foul air. It is the dark that brings the memory back, a thick velvet coat of darkness that drapes around her, hugging her body like second skin, binding her mouth and nose in its silken grip.
She curls into herself, drawing knees up to chest, head bowed to touch knees. She has to be small, has to be invisible. He can’t see her, can’t find her. Her breath hitches in her throat as she remembers when he found her before and what happened then.
The darkness wraps itself around her more tightly and she is six years old again, hiding in the small closet that does little to conceal the sound of her whimpers. The closet door opens and suddenly she is sixteen again, only this time there is a knot of dread tightening in her stomach.
Her mouth moves soundlessly, darkness slipping into her, sliding into her blood, freezing her in this defensive position, allowing this old new knowledge to settle in her head.
She realises something as the darkness continues to contaminate her and it frightens her. The memory hovers in front of her and she can see herself reaching towards it even as she can hear herself screaming to stop.
She is torn. She wants to know what she doesn’t remember and why, but the part in her that does remember wishes to forget, to give into the temptation to just close her eyes and return to sanity. Even as she realises this, her eyes drift shut, causing the screaming to get louder. She blinks owlishly in the dark that conceals even the gleam in her eyes.
She mustn’t fall asleep. Not until she knows for sure why this memory has come to her now, why she had not remembered it until now. To keep the sleep at bay she brings different thoughts into her mind.
She wonders what they would think of her if they were to see her now.
David, with his sword, she thinks of first. She knows what he would do upon seeing her cower into a corner like this. He would look around, magic sword in hand, searching for the threat, the monster that kept her curled into a ball. It’s all right April, I’m here now. I’ll protect you. You’re safe with me. I’ll slay the dragon, save the poor damsel in distress. Don’t worry April. I’ll kill it. He wouldn’t understand that the monster was in her mind, was part of her. Brave David. Strong David. Stubborn David. Poor David.
Christopher would rush to her and ask her what was wrong. She thinks that he would mask concern with humour, worry with innuendo. Why are you sitting in the corner April? Aren’t you a bit old to be afraid of the dark? Want me to kiss it all better? I can you know. Wherever you want me to. You need me to kiss it all better? Or maybe you just don’t want to sleep in that big comfy bed by yourself. I can keep you company. He would waggle his eyebrows, and then she would smile because Christopher could always make her smile. She would yell as well because Christopher never failed to make her yell either. She often wonders if things might have been different between them if all this had never happened. If Everworld had never happened. If Senna had never happened.
She knows what Jalil would do as well. He would stand between Christopher and David and argue that this couldn’t be happening to her because it would mean that her ‘software’ had changed, that a person can’t just wish up memories with a snap of a finger. Only she hasn’t wished for these. He would look at her with those dark eyes she sometimes think that she could drown in and smile that half smile he has. Are you sure that it wasn’t just a dream April? Maybe you’re projecting. It happens. You’re feeling down because of what happened to Galahad and you blame Senna for it. It’s not real April, it’s all just in your head. You can’t suddenly have new memories. He would be right about the blaming Senna bit. And she only wishes that it were a dream. Because that would mean that it wasn’t real. Real-World April thinks she may have a crush on Jalil with the moody eyes and cynical nature. Everworld April knows that there isn’t any point in it because it seems that Jalil wants Senna, like David and Christopher want Senna. However, she does wish that he were here, because now she even has a retort to his hypothetical argument ready, one that would leave no room for debate.
W.T.E, Jalil, W.T.E.
She saves her for last. Would always save her for last. As always, there would be an air of danger around her sister. Half sister. Non-sister. She would wear that mocking smirk of hers, and her eyes would dance with sick pleasure. Senna would look at her and laugh, because Senna hates her like she hates Senna, that same bone deep hatred that is the only link between them apart from a blood tie that is weak at best and non existent at worst. Nevertheless, she thinks that she wouldn’t mind Senna laughing, not right now.
Because she knows why now, understands why she is remembering things she hadn’t know were there to remember. And Senna laughing would somehow make it easier, make it seem less real.
She realises she hates Senna for different reasons from why Real-World April does. Real-World April doesn’t know why she dislikes her half sister so much, can’t think of a reason for it but does it anyway because it is as if she always has, apart from that first month or so when Senna had first come to them. Then she hadn’t hated Senna, hadn’t loathed her own flesh and blood. But then it changed and it seemed to her like she had always hated Senna.
Real-World April doesn’t remember the closet or the bone numbing fear that accompanied it. Real-World April doesn’t remember Senna’s childish sneer or the words that the seven year old had muttered then. Real-World April doesn’t remember the day that started this all, so long ago, doesn’t realise how one day Senna had changed her life beyond her control.
But Everworld April does. Somehow, she remembers it now, in these flashes that continue to run rampant in her mind. She sees it all, and understands why she remembers even as she tries to battle it all back.
She wants to be Real-World April with no memories. But she can’t go back because then she’d remember, she’d know what she tried to hide. Real-World April doesn’t remember now. But she will and then things will change.
Real-World April hasn’t realised that it’s possible to hate as Everworld April does, doesn’t think that she can loathe someone as Everworld April does. Everworld April is under no such illusion because she knows exactly how she feels towards her sister, her flesh and blood, her enemy. She knows what it feels like to hate like that, to loathe like that. She feels like that towards Senna.
But it’s not as if Senna would care. Senna hates them both, she knows. She knows that Senna thinks of Real-World April as nothing more than a nuisance, someone she has to put up with. She isn’t quite sure what Senna thinks of Everworld April, but she knows that she hates her.
She knows what it is to hate and to be hated, whether she is in the real world or in Everworld.
And April finally understands why she is remembering this now.
Fin