I want to runaway as long as you are by my side.
So I realize this is how my life works..
Stuff happens I look for others to make my decisons.. I am not forced to make my own. After a long talk with Jake.. I realize I don't make my own decisions.. I need to do that reguarding my own life. Who is gonna live my life but me? I swear if i could I would have my mom pick out my clothes.. I am still a child. I have never been forced to make my own decisions when it comes to the big things. I need to be forced into life.. how else will I learn? Also I need to learn that I am worthy of some good things.. I mean.. I am so paranoid about this whole John thing. Like if he doesnt call one day I freak and think he has lost interest in me, but I need to learn to relax. Runaway from my responsibilities too.. I seem to be like my father in that respect. I just don't want to deal with being an adult. I don't think I was raised to be an adult. Just a child. DO what I am told.. and everything is ok. I want to be a intellectual independant. I rely on everyone too much. I turn suggestions into my decisions because someone said it would be good for me. I never grew out of my nice groove that is the age of 16. I rebel like a 16 year old. Why do I do such things. I am 21. I am no longer a child. Personal conflict sucks. Part of me wants to avoid this and run and watch Buffy or Sailor Moon, but the small 4% of me that is mature.. wants me to face the shit out of this. Grow up, and live life. Buckle down. Stay in and read a book. Maybe take a year off school to pay bills and get into the real world. Maybe it would be good for me. not this semster though.. maybe in spring ill take a break. My mentality is too much at risk. I can't run to Mommy as much as I want. She shouldn't let me. (immature self begs mommy not to listen to that) Seriously.. I laugh because I am miserable with the thought of being an adult I don't wanna grow up. How many of you know this without even asking or talking about it. Maybe I'll put some stuff up on ebay. Because I need to grow up. I can't be this little kid anymore.. Thanks Jake.. It took an overly mature 17 year old to tell me I am being childish and I need to be independant, when all along I have had friends my own age tell me and I don't listen. I can't tell you how many times Matty has told me to make my own decisions and I never do. I honestly don't know if anyone is reading this. But if you are.. leave some notes of encouragement or something.. I love you all.. But next time i ask what I should do.. just say you don't know. (unless you know ill make a dumb decision
Thanks and have a nice night.
<3Ademu
Stuff happens I look for others to make my decisons.. I am not forced to make my own. After a long talk with Jake.. I realize I don't make my own decisions.. I need to do that reguarding my own life. Who is gonna live my life but me? I swear if i could I would have my mom pick out my clothes.. I am still a child. I have never been forced to make my own decisions when it comes to the big things. I need to be forced into life.. how else will I learn? Also I need to learn that I am worthy of some good things.. I mean.. I am so paranoid about this whole John thing. Like if he doesnt call one day I freak and think he has lost interest in me, but I need to learn to relax. Runaway from my responsibilities too.. I seem to be like my father in that respect. I just don't want to deal with being an adult. I don't think I was raised to be an adult. Just a child. DO what I am told.. and everything is ok. I want to be a intellectual independant. I rely on everyone too much. I turn suggestions into my decisions because someone said it would be good for me. I never grew out of my nice groove that is the age of 16. I rebel like a 16 year old. Why do I do such things. I am 21. I am no longer a child. Personal conflict sucks. Part of me wants to avoid this and run and watch Buffy or Sailor Moon, but the small 4% of me that is mature.. wants me to face the shit out of this. Grow up, and live life. Buckle down. Stay in and read a book. Maybe take a year off school to pay bills and get into the real world. Maybe it would be good for me. not this semster though.. maybe in spring ill take a break. My mentality is too much at risk. I can't run to Mommy as much as I want. She shouldn't let me. (immature self begs mommy not to listen to that) Seriously.. I laugh because I am miserable with the thought of being an adult I don't wanna grow up. How many of you know this without even asking or talking about it. Maybe I'll put some stuff up on ebay. Because I need to grow up. I can't be this little kid anymore.. Thanks Jake.. It took an overly mature 17 year old to tell me I am being childish and I need to be independant, when all along I have had friends my own age tell me and I don't listen. I can't tell you how many times Matty has told me to make my own decisions and I never do. I honestly don't know if anyone is reading this. But if you are.. leave some notes of encouragement or something.. I love you all.. But next time i ask what I should do.. just say you don't know. (unless you know ill make a dumb decision
Thanks and have a nice night.
<3Ademu