Every Rose Has Its Thorn....
One of the things that really ticks me off in my life is how every great moment is diminished by sadness of not sharing it with people I love.
Last night I went to the Express baseball game, for the simple reason that I wanted to see the city fireworks after. As I mentioned in my last post, this was meant to be a thing I shared with my boyfriend and his kids. So the game unfortunately ended about an hour and 40 min before the fireworks, which left me with nothing to do but sit and watch and think. Made my way onto the field with the other 5,000 people in attendance (well some of them stayed in the stands, but there were still a ton on the field) and took my seat and looked around at all the families on their blankets, having fun, kids running around, etc and I'm just there all alone, thinking about what should've been and trying not to cry. When the fireworks started, I was excited and really enjoyed watching them, but when it was over (and a couple times during) my thoughts went to, "man the kids would've loved this". And it just took what little happiness the fireworks brought me away.
Another thought I had was how much my dad would've loved it - like me, he loved the fireworks, always wanted to go out and watch them. As a kid, we never went to the park, but we'd drive around town looking for the best place to watch and we'd park and watch from the car. And when I was older, he was working at the bar, so we'd meet him down there and go watch them from the bridge downtown, which gives you an excellent view, then go back to the bar for drinks. So every year, whether I'm at the park or that bridge watching, he is always in my mind. And with last night's fireworks being so incredible and over the top, he would've been so excited too and it just would've been a great moment to share with him.
So with this and almost every single good moment in my life, these people that I loved and are not with me any more will always put a touch of sadness in them. And that unfortunately will likely never change.
Last night I went to the Express baseball game, for the simple reason that I wanted to see the city fireworks after. As I mentioned in my last post, this was meant to be a thing I shared with my boyfriend and his kids. So the game unfortunately ended about an hour and 40 min before the fireworks, which left me with nothing to do but sit and watch and think. Made my way onto the field with the other 5,000 people in attendance (well some of them stayed in the stands, but there were still a ton on the field) and took my seat and looked around at all the families on their blankets, having fun, kids running around, etc and I'm just there all alone, thinking about what should've been and trying not to cry. When the fireworks started, I was excited and really enjoyed watching them, but when it was over (and a couple times during) my thoughts went to, "man the kids would've loved this". And it just took what little happiness the fireworks brought me away.
Another thought I had was how much my dad would've loved it - like me, he loved the fireworks, always wanted to go out and watch them. As a kid, we never went to the park, but we'd drive around town looking for the best place to watch and we'd park and watch from the car. And when I was older, he was working at the bar, so we'd meet him down there and go watch them from the bridge downtown, which gives you an excellent view, then go back to the bar for drinks. So every year, whether I'm at the park or that bridge watching, he is always in my mind. And with last night's fireworks being so incredible and over the top, he would've been so excited too and it just would've been a great moment to share with him.
So with this and almost every single good moment in my life, these people that I loved and are not with me any more will always put a touch of sadness in them. And that unfortunately will likely never change.