megapost: fun facts about bandom boys
HERE IT IS! I didn't credit anyone, because I was too lazy to do more than c/p the ELEVEN PAGES OF THESE. Also, there was a place or two where I had duplicate facts, so it's possible my ctl+c didn't work. IF YOU NOTICE ANY MISSING, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE TELL ME, THANKS.
That said, I'll keep adding as they keep coming in!
* Parentheticals are where people would go back and forth on the same fun fact for several comments
** Original post Here
*** ICONS! ICONS BY likealocket RIGHT HERE.
**** FIC! FIC! FIC! FIC! FIC!! by formerlydf RIGHT HERE
Panic! at the Disco
Spencer Smith
Spencer Smith was once suspended from school because he did something with his hips and people thought he was trying to seduce his science teacher. It was an accident! He had not yet learned to control his hips back then.
***
If Spencer Smith is in a swimming pool for longer than half an hour, all of the water in it turns into strawberry-watermelon flavored Jello.
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Spencer actually wears specially made contacts to contain the brilliance of his eyes. One time he forgot to put them in and Jon was blind for a week.
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Spencer Smith's toenails are naturally hot pink.
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Spencer Smith's come changes flavors depending on his mood. It fluctuates between cotton candy, raspberry sorbet, and pure, unadulterated dreams.
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Spencer Smith dreams in color, but only pastels.
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Spencer Smith was asked to leave Las Vegas because every time he orgasmed, all the slot machines in the city hit the jackpot, simultaneously.
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Spencer Smith has no sensation in his left middle toe. This is because once, when they were children, Ryan Ross bit it hard enough to break the skin, thus causing it to lose all feeling.
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Spencer Smith killed the dinosaurs. The first time he smiled, it released such a high concentration of energy and light into the world that there was a rift in the time-space continuum and, 64 million years ago, all major life forms felt such a powerful surge of pure joy that they fell over dead.
At least they died happy.
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When Spencer Smith is sad, every cactus in Nevada blooms roses instead of thorns, just to cheer him up.
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The reason Spencer Smith wasn't popular in high school is because he made other people's girlfriends orgasm just by making eye contact with them, and then their boyfriends would get mad and want to fight him--but Spencer Smith is a lover, not a fighter, so he just kept his eyes averted most of the time. Everyone just thought he was shy or anti-social.
The one time someone did punch Spencer Smith, they were immediately struck down by lightening.
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In other news, Spencer Smith can purify water just by looking at it sternly. (You know, that's interesting, because he tried that trick on Gabe at the VMAs, and Travis's hair caught fire.)
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The only time Spencer Smith sings is when Jon Walker can't sleep.
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Spencer Smith started playing the drums so he'd have something to bang besides your mom.
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Sometimes, when Spencer Smith is watching TV and a shampoo commercial comes on, the model/actress on the TV will cry and run offscreen. She knows she can't compete.
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The active ingredient in most leading anti-depressants is actually Spencer Smith's smile.
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Spencer Smith is allergic to the word 'tacky'. For some reason, lately, whenever he hangs out with Ryan, he breaks into hives.
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Every time Spencer Smith cocks his hips... guys named angel gets wings tattooed on their backs. (Fun Fact: Every time you say 'cock' and 'Spencer' and 'hips' in the same sentence, fangirls everywhere self-lubricate.)
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When Panic! at the Disco is on the road for Halloween, Spencer Smith makes sure that all of the busses and dressing rooms have candy in them. So that Brendon can go Trick or Treating.
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Spencer Smith knows 17 ways to make you moan in ecstasy.
He knows 23 additional ways to make Jon Walker do it.
(5 of these involve shoelaces.)
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The first time Spencer smiled, God slapped himself and went "That's where the sun goes during an eclipse!"
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Spencer Smith sneezes glitter. True story!
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When Spencer Smith smiles at you, you actually become more awesome. This explains JON WALKER.
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9 out of 10 Dentists come in their pants whenever Spencer Smith opens his mouth.
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The real reason Annikin Skywalker went all darkside is because Spencer wouldn't go to prom with him.
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Spencer Smith always sleeps on pink, flowered sheets. Even if he falls asleep on plain white ones, they'll change colors and sprout rosebuds in the night.
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When Spencer Smith laughs it rains Skittles.
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Spencer Smith is not allowed to lean on any outdoor surfaces unless Zack is nearby, no one wants him to get arrested again.
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Spencer Smith's face appears eleven times on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.
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This one time? Spencer Smith was in a bad mood and glared at everything nearby him.
This is why Swiss cheese has holes in it.
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Spencer Smith knows the dirtiest thought you've ever had, just by looking at you.
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Spencer Smith's smile is the heart of the tardis.
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And his bitchface is registered as a deadly weapon in 32 states.
Ryan Ross
Ryan Ross is the best card sharp in the world. But he's never used his powers in Vegas, because that's just asking for trouble.
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Ryan Ross learned to make soup from an ancient tattooed witch-chef who lives in a hut in the middle of the Nevada desert. She offered to sell him her recipe for oatmeal cookies for for a song. He gave her a whole album, so she had to give him her entire recipe box in exchange.
It's really good soup.
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Ryan Ross writes Fall Out Boy genderswap fic on the internet. (Zack betas.)
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Zack has every Dr. Seuss book ever memorized. (...so he can recite them for Brendon when Brendon's had a bad day)(Kind of exactly that, yes. Brendon really likes There's A Woset in my Closet. He identifies with things that are in closets.)
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Ryan Ross has an irrational fear of those spontaneous soap bubbles that appear in the air from the plastic squirt bottle of dish soap. He believes that if they land on him, they steal his soul.
Brendon Urie found this out four days into their first tour together. Spencer had to intervene and consequently, every dish on the Panic! tour bus is disposable.
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Ryan Ross can actually walk on water, but only if it's less than one foot deep.
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The rosevest was created when Ryan Ross seduced Mother Nature. (Afterwards, he called her "the ultimate MILF.")
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Ryan Ross can guess the end to any book, movie, television show, or video game that you put in front of him. He can also finish your sentences, even if he's just met you.
This has caused him to be punched in the face no less than eleven times.
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Ryan Ross actually lives 550 years in the future. The Ryan Ross we know in our time is an ingeniously lifelike android he created and then sent back in time as a social experiment. The only drawback is the hologram can only speak in a monotone, because the mellifluous tones of his voice cannot be captured by any technology.
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When Ryan Ross comes, he tastes like a root beer float. Seriously.
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Ryan Ross's come used to taste like plain root beer. Then he sucked Brendon off.
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Ray Toro and Ryan Ross had a cock-off. Patrick, in a nearby room, was on garageband. He spontaneously orgasmed and did not notice.
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There's only been one conversation Ryan Ross really wishes he could un-have, and it was the one with Brendon about whether or not Brendon could sue their boss.
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Ryan Ross has Jon, Spencer, and Brendon's mom's (moms's? fuuuuuck) number on speed dial.
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After dusk, Ryan likes to be called Jorge.
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Ryan wanted to grow his hair long enough to donate it to Locks of Love, but he couldn't stand the fact that once it grew past his shoulders, he started looking like Rachel Bilson.
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When Panic! record and tour their third album, Ryan Ross actually has plans to dress like Karen O.
(That's up for debate though. Brendon wants them to dress up as Jem and the Holograms.)
(Spencer thinks the two could actually be combined quite well, but is afraid of the repercussions of mentioning that to Ryan and/or Brendon.)
(The last time Ryan and Brendon tried to combine something, they ended up eating pasta with tuna sauce for dinner. IT WASN'T PLEASANT.)
(As a result, Jon and Spencer are the only two members of Panic! who are allowed to have facial hair. Brendon and Ryan have been banned from following such a pursuit.)
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The reason Ryan Ross has no facial expressions or voice inflection is because he gave them all to Spencer when they were kids. He just wanted to hear Spencer talk more and see Spencer smile more.
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Ryan Ross was actually the Last Scion, until Alanis Morissette got him pregnant.
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Jeffree Star is jealous of Ryan's mad makeup skillz.
Brendon Urie
Ummm. Brendon Urie wears Rainbow Brite underwear. True story.
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On the day Brendon Urie was born, eleven people on the same floor of the hospital were suddenly cured of incurable diseases and ailments. One woman, who'd been blind since childhood, could suddenly see again.
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All the kinetic energy in the world, does in fact, originate from Brendon Urie.
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When Brendon Urie was seven, one of his friends fell into a well. Brendon sang and lifted him out of the well with only the power of his voice.
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There is no such thing as global warming. Brendon Urie was sick of being rained on, so he turned up the sun.
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Brendon Urie's tears turn anything they touch into gold.
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The choirs of angels do, in fact, get their inspiration from Brendon Urie's voice.
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When Brendon Urie makes the peace sign, all men's hearts are flooded with goodwill for exactly three seconds.
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When Brendon Urie falls into water, he doesn't get wet. Water gets Brendon Urie.
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Every so often, Brendon Urie gets voicemails from Elvis Presley (from beyond the grave!) giving him advice. Previous voicemails have involved: joining panic! at the disco, turning left at the intersection of 4th and Gardenia, and telling Pete Wentz "thanks, but no thanks" on the blowjob issue.
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Brendon Urie has to warn cities before he arrives, because the sheer power of his awesomeness draws people to him magnetically, even through brick walls. His radius of awesomeness has a radius of three miles.
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When Brendon Urie masturbates, everyone he's talked to in the last 24 hours orgasms
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When Brendon Urie was five, he accidentally turned his puppy dog eyes on an unsuspecting neighbour. She was hospitalised for three weeks, because he was just so cute.
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Brendon Urie fucked your mom. Twice.
AHAHAHAHA. THAT'S SO UNTRUE. YOUR MOM'S FEMALE.
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Brendon Urie failed so hard at being straight that every time he couldn't perform, gay men everywhere lost their erections.
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Brendon Urie has a custom-designed bed that includes built-in lube dispensers, similar to the soda/water dispensers you might find in a bar.
He likes it wet.
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Brendon Urie can project gay porn into other peoples minds. This is why Pete Wentz loves hanging out with him.
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For the first eighteen years of his life, Brendon Urie couldn't do the Humpty Dumpty rhyme without blushing. Because he had to say hump.
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When he was younger, Brendon could fly while he was singing Disney songs. Then he hit puberty, and his powers faded. He still is bitter.
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Every Christmas, Panic! at the Disco shoves the top of a Christmas tree up Brendon Urie's ass.
What? IT COUNTS. HE'S ANGELIC.
(But it's alright, because Brendon Urie enjoys the sensation of the pine needles.
NOT THAT ANGELIC.)
(Also, it makes his ass smell really fresh.)
(And he likes the birds that flock around him.)
(He hasn't been able to train them to dress him in the morning yet. FRUSTRATING.)
(But they do eat out of his hands and sing along with him, which almost makes up for it.)
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A fan once walked a thousand miles to bounce a quarter off of Brendon's ass. When he picked it up off the ground, it was a gold piece.
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Brendon Urie can turn water into hair product, just by waving his hand over it.
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Interestingly, Brendon's come used to be tasteless- you could only tell he'd gotten off because shortly afterward you'd be overwhelmed with guilt and would find yourself calling your mom to apologize for nothing in particular.
These days, it tastes like peppermint.
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Brendon Urie has a tragic addiction to Pixie Stix. They have been confiscated from him at many points, but he always seems to get more.
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Brendon Urie has an external hard drive full of homemade porn. All of it starring household appliances. His masterpiece is the toaster/blender lesbian porn.
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Brendon tried to showcase his household appliance porn in the bus lounge, but Ryan told him to stop playing with stuff and to give him his fucking straightener back, and Spencer banned him from watching Ryan's French films. Zack gave him a look, and the next time, Zack filmed while Brendon narrated.
***
One time they switched the regular coffee for decaf, just to see what it would do to Brendon. After, like, a day and a half, Jon switched it back. He missed the regular, caffeinated Brendon too much.
(Ryan Ross recalls that day and a half fondly. He still writes nostalgic, wistful songs about The Time Brendon Sat Still For, Like, An Hour.
Spencer Smith is still trying to come up with the sexual favor that will make Jon switch it back to decaf again.)
(Felching.)
(Lucky for Spencer, all of Jon Walker's bodily excrements taste like raspberries and sunshine.)
***
The ad execs at Red Bull came up with the 'it gives you wings' slogan after witnessing Brendon Urie levitate immediately after shotgunning a can.
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Before he got hit with the Spencer Smith hip/smile combo Brendon Urie was straight.
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In his spare time, Brendon moonlights as Sunshine Bear.
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Every time they stop and it's raining, Brendon Urie insists on going outside and looking for frogs. He's convinced one day he'll find one that can dance!
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When he sleeps, Brendon Urie levitates four inches above the bed. This is because God does not want pillow-wrinklies on his beautiful face.
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Brendon Urie once stopped a hungry bear from charging, just by pouting at it.
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Brendon Urie's dork-face is the cure for S.A.D.
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Brendon Urie has a list of 35 cures for hangovers, categorized by type of hangover, but the one thing each has in common is: blowjob.
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Brendon Urie stole Ryan Ross' make-up bag once, and he tried everything on just because it had been on Ryan's skin before.
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Brendon Urie's first celebrity crush was on Captain Planet.
(Ryan doesn't know that, because if he finds out he wouldn't agree to use that costume in Halloween.)
Jon Walker
This one time on Nothing Rhymes With Circus, Jon woke up and could read Spencer's mind. It lasted exactly twenty-eight days. No one noticed.
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Jon Walker's smile is actually the cure for the common cold.
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Due to a rift in the space-time continuum caused entirely by awesome, the Spartans were actually descended from Jon Walker.
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Jon Walker writes bodice-ripper style romance novels under a pen-name. Once he actually tried to rip Ryan's rosevest, just to see if it was actually possible. (It was, and that's the true story of Jon Walker's hair - Ryan Ross snatched him bald)
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Relatedly: Jon Walker's semen cures any food poisoning. Unfortunately for the world, Spencer Smith is the only one who knows this.
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93% of Jon Walker's iPod is country music. When no one can hear him, he sings with a twang.
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One time when Jon was drunk, he serenaded Spencer with the entirety of John Michael Montgomery's "I Swear", complete with twang. He didn't remember it in the morning, but Spencer secretly downloaded the song and listens to it before bed at night.
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Jon Walker knows every spot on Spencer Smith that is ticklish. Ryan Ross thinks he knows every spot, but he's missing one, and like hell Jon Walker's sharing.
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Jon Walker started playing bass because it has the word ass in it. True story.
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Jon Walker actually joined Panic! At The Disco because he has a very rare and life-threatening disease that can only be controlled by a semi-constant exposure to ridiculous clothing choices, camaraderie, and Spencer Smith's Hips (tm).
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Jon Walker is the only human alive who is immune to Bill Beckett's legs.
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Jon Walker took ballet lessons from age four to age ten. Spencer laughed when he found out. Then Jon showed him exactly what people mean when they talk about "dancer thighs". He hasn't laughed since. For Jon's next birthday, Spencer gave him pink sweatpants that say "Pretty Ballerina" across the ass. Jon wears them whenever someone on the bus needs cheering up.
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Jon Walker is actually a werewolf. He wears the flip flops so his feet don't get pinched when he transforms every month.
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When Jon Walker "dances", Justin Timberlake's left eye twitches for an hour.
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Jon Walker never relaxes. The world just slows down for Jon Walker.
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Jon Walker has a penchant for daisies.
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Jon's smurf name is Snuggly-Mumpkins.
(This secretly turns Spencer on.)
Fall Out Boy
Pete Wentz
For two entire weeks at the age of four, Pete Wentz insisted that his parents call him "Madonna".
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Pete Wentz can actually make beverages sweeter, solely with the power of his mind.
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Pete Wentz is a furry!
...oh, wait.
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If you stand too close to Pete Wentz for more than five minutes at a time, you'll be overwhelmed with the desire to make love to something.
No, wait...
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Pete Wentz is thinking about selling the soul to the devil to ensure that when Patrick jumps out of the cake and Pete proposes to him, he's naked.
Patrick, not Pete. Though there's a high probability Pete will be naked by then, too.
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Pete Wentz hides his porn in a box shoved to the back of his closet labeled "OLD HAIR". He hides his Mandy Moore movies in a box marked "HORSE PORN".
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Pete has already picked out the names of the three kids he plans to have with Patrick. He hasn't told Patrick, but he has discussed it with Brendon, who plans to name his and Ryan's children after Disney princesses.
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Pete, Patrick, Brendon, and Ryan all went out on a double date once. Once only, because within ten minutes of their arrival at the restaurant, all of the patrons and staff fainted from the sheer joy of their presence.
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Twelve hours later, all awoke and found that their hair was glossier and their skin softer, no joke.
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If you listen to G.I.N.A.S.F.S. backwards, it's actually a song about how much Pete loves Patrick. Oh wait, shit, that's when you listen to it forwards.
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Speaking of clean, Patrick has offered to give Pete head and swallow if Pete would just clean the fucking bus once.
Pete Wentz has never once come in Patrick's mouth.
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Pete Wentz insists his come has medicinal properties, and every time Patrick gets a cold, reminds him of this. Pete Wentz again, has never come in Patrick's mouth.
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The real reason why MCR and Panic don't perform together often was that back at the very first festival they ever played together, Spencer Smith and Frank Iero smiled at each other, and back in the States, Pete Wentz went into labor.
Patrick fainted from shock, not because he's squeamish. It's just, they'd always been so careful.
***
Unknown to many, the most commonly uttered phrase by Fall Out Boy collectively is "Shut up, Pete."
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Due to a strange anomaly with the time-space continuum, Pete has met and married Patrick six times.
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Pete Wentz's first sexual experience was with a Twinkie.
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Pete Wentz is a very specific type of muse- he comes to rappers in dreams and inspires hip hop songs about his ass. Miss New Booty, Baby Got Back, Back That Ass Up, My Humps, all inspired by him. It's not his fault those hip hop dudes don't remember their dreams very well and think "it MUST have been a chick I was dreaming about". The other muses laugh at him.
***
Pete Wentz is fluent in five languages. One of them is Ryan Ross.
Patrick Stump
Patrick Stump's voice can actually cure terminal illnesses. Except that when he uses this power, he shrinks another eighth of an inch.
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Patrick Stump is currently the subject of intense scrutiny by a sect (?) of elite ninjas. They are fairly certain that if they can learn to duplicate his smile, all of their foes will be dazzled into compliance.
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Patrick Stump(h) can levitate people with his voice.
(Or at least that's what Pete claims, "people" meaning "Pete's dick".)
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Patrick Stump has totally promised Pete that he will jump out of a cake for Pete's 30th birthday. Pete demanded it in writing, and they're still in contract negotiations - Patrick keeps trying to write loopholes in.
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Patrick cannot hear the theme song to Different Strokes without bursting into tears. (Pete keeps a special hanky around just for times like those. It's even clean.)
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Patrick Stump doesn't do gross things. His body is made up of kittens, Saturdays, 70 degree weather, first kisses, and butterflies. Trust Pete, he cut that bitch open once to check.
...oh, wait. Pete clearly likes fun facts, too.
***
Patrick is now a required inclusion in nationwide Geometry curriculum. All the other shapes are jealous. As they should be.
***
Patrick's bald spot is an unfortunate side effect of his halo.
Joe Trohman
Joe Trohman went to Equus.
***
Once, Pete pissed on Joe's weed plant. When Joe smoked the weed later, he hallucinated a giant bunny orgy.
He has never come that hard before, not in his whole life.
***
Joe Trohman? Deals Pixie Stix. He is not actually smoking weed; if you look closely, you will note a powdery pink reside on his pipe. Sugar. It gives him away.
***
Joe Trohman can't make a sex tape because his cock is too big to fit on screen, no matter how widely you zoom out.
***
The secret to happiness is buried somewhere in Joe Trohman's hair.
Andy Hurley
Andy got no love.
My Chemical Romance
Gerard Way
Gerard Way has two speeds: Walk and Emote.
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Gerard Way wanted a fresh start at his new school, so, hoping to not be considered the queer, weird, emo art freak, he auditioned for and obtained the role of Peter Pan in the school musical.
No, wait, that's actually true...
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Gerard and Mikey Way weren't actually born, they were hatched from the eggs of a sparkling, lime-green dragon that nested in the Way's attic for five years.
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One night, Mrs. Way had a dream that an angel came to visit her, nine months later she had Gerard.
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Gerard Way's first drawing was a crayon rendition of an actual, possible, working time machine. (He sold said time machine blueprint to a strange British physician in Converse hightops and a pinstripe suit.)
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Not only does Gerard Way save lives, but "Welcome to the Black Parade" has been known to cure Dutch Elm Disease.
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In a past life, Gerard Way owned platform boots with goldfish in the heels.
(In this life the goldfish are robotic, as a concession to Frank.)
(Gerard pouted, but then Frank said he'd help him paint them black and red and glue on little lace bits that will trail through the water when they swim, and Gerard gave in.)
(The miniature kelp feather boas, though, were Mikey's idea.)
(He also painted eyeliner on them. The glue on the false eyelashes didn't take well to the water, though.)
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My Chemical Romance was almost called Fuzzy Puppy Cuddle Time.
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Gerard's fastest one-handed bra removal time was 94 seconds.
(It would have been quicker, but he was writing a song in his head at the time. )
(About vampire kittens.)
(He should have just sung the song to Frank. It would have made up for the slow bra-removal.)
***
Gerard Way wonders if he can go back to his mom's basement when he gets bored with his new wife. (oooops!)
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Gerard Way can play twenty-eight songs on the xylophone, including Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Mary Had A Little Lamb, and Nirvana's Rape Me.
(He plays one in which all the keys are in colors, when people asked why he said it was 'cause in that way he could imagine he was playing the rainbow. (Mikey says it's because it's a gay pride-thingy, but no one listens to Mikey anymore))
Mikey Way
The different versions of Mikeyway are actually stages in his eventual metamorphosis into a unicorn. Gerard will be very sad on that day, except for the part of him that always wanted a pony for Christmas.
***
Mikey Way made a Milky Way bar cry one time, because Mikey is sweeter.
***
Mikey Way can delay the sunrise for exactly nine minutes. He is the ultimate human snooze button.
***
Brendon Urie has also been on Mikey Way's "People to Kill Once Gerard Figures Out the Best Way to Dispose of Corpses" list since The Great Hair Straightener Debacle of 2006. ( Gerard's plan currently involves a murder of crows and some fishing line. It... needs work.)
(Gerard thought his plan was brilliant until Mikey asked if the inspiration behind it was Gerard's love for the phrase "murder of crows". Bob also pointed out that Gerard should try for a more discreet method so they wouldn't all end up in jail (he *likes* playing drums for My Chemical Romance).
(Brian also pointed out that the bodies would smell.)
***
Mikey Way actually has perfect vision. More than that, he has x-ray vision. His corrective lenses inhibit the x-ray vision; he had to get them after one too many exposures to Gerard's unpleasant underwear (or lack thereof).
Frank Iero
Frank Iero was the first person to ever utter the phrase "I can has cheeseburger?" Unfortunately, he said this whilst holding a kitten, thus spawing the Age of Cat Macros.
***
Frank Iero had to have plastic surgery to make him less attractive. Before he had it, every mirror he looked into shattered from the sheer radiance and glory of his appearance.
***
Rainstorms were created to restore the balance of the world after the joy that is Frank Iero was born.
***
Pregnant women in their third trimester are advised to avoid Frank Iero, as the sheer force of his smile is enough to cause premature labor and delivery.
***
The red button on the President's desk sends a text message simultaneously to Pete Wentz, Spencer Smith, and Frank Iero. It's one word: smile.
***
Frank Iero's tattoos are such an integral part of his identity, they have actually merged with his body and become part of his DNA.
***
If within three feet of you, Frank Iero can take your pants off with his mind.
***
Once on a stage in Hamburg, Frank Iero spontaneously grew an organic pear from his right elbow.
***
When he was in high school, Frank was so tiny and adorable that sometimes girls would put him on their laps and pet him all day long. He assumed he was unpopular because all their boyfriends would beat him up and shove him into lockers, but that was really just an excuse to grope him more than anything.
Most of his class didn’t graduate. They heard Frank laugh one day and had to be carted off to the hospital because their brains had exploded. The doctors still can't figure it out; to this day, the victims are suffering from face-splitting grins and glazed-eye syndrome.
***
Known fact: Frank Iero's smile cures cancer.
Less known fact: Frank's laugh cures all three kinds of hepatitis.
***
Frank Iero tried out a career as a motivational speaker, but everyone in the Jersey area kept fucking up their lives on purpose, just to be close to him, so he had to quit.
***
Frank Iero can fit 37.5 oreos in his mouth at the same time.
***
Frank Iero can compel three separate species of bears to give him piggy back rides.
***
Frank Iero once snuck around a Walmart for 45 minutes, taking the colored crayons from one box and trading them for the black from every other box, just so Gerard Way could have a box full of black crayons.
***
Do not, I repeat, do NOT put the Frank Iero action figure in your pocket if you are male. It will kick you in the balls.
***
Another fun fact about the Frank Iero action figure: each one has a tiny gold heart at the center of the plastic.
Bob Bryar
Whenever anyone asks Bob Bryar what time it is, he will casually glance at his watch and say, "Two seconds 'til". When a person responds, "Two seconds 'til what?", he punches you in the face.
***
Rather than having a "lucky" article of clothing, Bob Bryar finds that good things happen to him when he goes without underpants.
***
Bob Bryar doesn't use pick up lines, he simply says "Now"
It works every time.
***
The freckles on Bob Bryar's back, when connected with eyeliner pencil, form an almost perfect replica of van Gogh's Starry Night.
***
Bob's bunk is secretly a magic doorway to a land of marshmallow clouds, chocolate rain, and an army of Franks armed with big black dildos. No one's really sure why Bob doesn't like sleeping on the bus.
He isn't telling.
Ray Toro
After making their motion picture, the rats of NIM relocated to Ray Toro's hair.
***
Ray Toro has avoided Brendon Urie like the plague since an incident they refer to as The Great Hair Straightener Debacle 2006.
***
Ray Toro's hair has the power to save lives.
***
Ray Toro was once asked to leave a public pool, because his bulge was scaring the children.
***
It takes all of Ray's bandmates together to give him a handjob.
***
The largest dildo ever invented was modelled off of Ray's cock.
(Gabe had to go to the ER after he tried to deepthroat it.)
(Pete didn't.)
***
Ray Toro...Secretly the reincarnation of Buddha. If you listen closely, his guitar plays the prayers and precepts laid down by his previous form.
***
Ray Toro knows every step to N*Sync's Bye Bye Bye choreography.
***
Ray Toro is Patrick Stump's birth father. From the future.
***
Ray Toro can go Super Saiyan. Level FIVE.
Miscellaneous
William Beckett
Travis McCoy and William Beckett are 5 ft 3 and 4 ft 11 respectively. For public appearances, they tend to be carried around by a hard-working army of flying robo-monkeys.
***
When William Beckett's hair falls out, each strand turns into a butterfly.
***
William Beckett was the true cause of the Trojan War, through some freak time traveling misadventure. "Hellen" was a fictional character based off of him to avoid problems and confusion in the future when people realized the same person existed in two time periods.
***
William's leg is actually hollow. He keeps Patrick Stump in it sometimes.
***
William Beckett used to dress up with his mom's clothes when he was a kid. He says that the little fact explains a lot.
***
When William Beckett is sick, the only thing that will make him feel better is Frosted Mini Wheats in colored-pink milk. ♥
***
William Beckett is actually an angel, meaning he's as anatomically incorrect as a Ken doll. He doesn't like to talk about it.
(Also, he can't imbibe alcohol. Travie likes to rub that in, smug bastard.)
(And contrary to fanfic on the internet, Ryan Ross is very much jealous of his wings.)
***
Travis McCoy
(See also: William Beckett)
***
If you listen to Travis McCoy talk backwards, you will learn the secret to the meaning of life.
The Butcher
The butcher does his owns tattoos. He's that good.
Gabe Saporta
Gabe Saporta can actually travel through time and many people who have gone missing in history are locked in his basement, including Amelia Earhart.
***
Once, Gabe Saporta was kidnapped by alien cobras
Gabe Saporta has hooked up with every
Gabe Saporta is a direct (albeit illegitimate) descendant of Frank Sinatra.
***
Every time Gabe Saporta throws up his fangs, a cobra realizes it has been doing that wrong all along.
***
Gabe Saporta's saliva is a hallucinogen. Better than an acid trip, baby.
***
And the Bermuda Triangle is all Gabe's fault, too.
***
In Gabe's basement, they really just sit around and watch the OC. (Patrick cried for a week after they finally let him go--because it was cancelled.)
***
Gabe Saporta knows every word to Madonna's "Like A Prayer"-- oh wait, right, making up facts
***
Gabe Saporta is not affected by drugs, drugs are created by coming into contact with Gabe Saporta.
***
When certain species of toads lick Gabe Saporta, they spend the next twelve hours seeing talking flies.
***
Gabe Saporta's left nipple tastes like buttered toast. His right, like Girl Scout's Thin Mints cookies.
***
Gabe Saporta checks Craigslist every day looking for someone to have a dance off against.
***
Travis claims that Gabe Saporta's nipples are the only thing that will calm his stomach after fifteen hours of drinking.
William Beckett verifies the claim.
Brendon Urie wish he could reach that high.
Pete Wentz is just thankful they invented stepladders
***
Gabe can rain fire and brimstone. Everyone is jealous of that. Secretly Gabe thinks it's pretty impractical.
Alex Suarez
Alex Suarez is the time traveling mpreg baby of John Lennon and Paul McCartney. Plz to be seeing icon:
That said, I'll keep adding as they keep coming in!
* Parentheticals are where people would go back and forth on the same fun fact for several comments
** Original post Here
*** ICONS! ICONS BY likealocket RIGHT HERE.
**** FIC! FIC! FIC! FIC! FIC!! by formerlydf RIGHT HERE
Panic! at the Disco
Spencer Smith
Spencer Smith was once suspended from school because he did something with his hips and people thought he was trying to seduce his science teacher. It was an accident! He had not yet learned to control his hips back then.
***
If Spencer Smith is in a swimming pool for longer than half an hour, all of the water in it turns into strawberry-watermelon flavored Jello.
***
Spencer actually wears specially made contacts to contain the brilliance of his eyes. One time he forgot to put them in and Jon was blind for a week.
***
Spencer Smith's toenails are naturally hot pink.
***
Spencer Smith's come changes flavors depending on his mood. It fluctuates between cotton candy, raspberry sorbet, and pure, unadulterated dreams.
***
Spencer Smith dreams in color, but only pastels.
***
Spencer Smith was asked to leave Las Vegas because every time he orgasmed, all the slot machines in the city hit the jackpot, simultaneously.
***
Spencer Smith has no sensation in his left middle toe. This is because once, when they were children, Ryan Ross bit it hard enough to break the skin, thus causing it to lose all feeling.
***
Spencer Smith killed the dinosaurs. The first time he smiled, it released such a high concentration of energy and light into the world that there was a rift in the time-space continuum and, 64 million years ago, all major life forms felt such a powerful surge of pure joy that they fell over dead.
At least they died happy.
***
When Spencer Smith is sad, every cactus in Nevada blooms roses instead of thorns, just to cheer him up.
***
The reason Spencer Smith wasn't popular in high school is because he made other people's girlfriends orgasm just by making eye contact with them, and then their boyfriends would get mad and want to fight him--but Spencer Smith is a lover, not a fighter, so he just kept his eyes averted most of the time. Everyone just thought he was shy or anti-social.
The one time someone did punch Spencer Smith, they were immediately struck down by lightening.
***
In other news, Spencer Smith can purify water just by looking at it sternly. (You know, that's interesting, because he tried that trick on Gabe at the VMAs, and Travis's hair caught fire.)
***
The only time Spencer Smith sings is when Jon Walker can't sleep.
***
Spencer Smith started playing the drums so he'd have something to bang besides your mom.
***
Sometimes, when Spencer Smith is watching TV and a shampoo commercial comes on, the model/actress on the TV will cry and run offscreen. She knows she can't compete.
***
The active ingredient in most leading anti-depressants is actually Spencer Smith's smile.
***
Spencer Smith is allergic to the word 'tacky'. For some reason, lately, whenever he hangs out with Ryan, he breaks into hives.
***
Every time Spencer Smith cocks his hips... guys named angel gets wings tattooed on their backs. (Fun Fact: Every time you say 'cock' and 'Spencer' and 'hips' in the same sentence, fangirls everywhere self-lubricate.)
***
When Panic! at the Disco is on the road for Halloween, Spencer Smith makes sure that all of the busses and dressing rooms have candy in them. So that Brendon can go Trick or Treating.
***
Spencer Smith knows 17 ways to make you moan in ecstasy.
He knows 23 additional ways to make Jon Walker do it.
(5 of these involve shoelaces.)
***
The first time Spencer smiled, God slapped himself and went "That's where the sun goes during an eclipse!"
***
Spencer Smith sneezes glitter. True story!
***
When Spencer Smith smiles at you, you actually become more awesome. This explains JON WALKER.
***
9 out of 10 Dentists come in their pants whenever Spencer Smith opens his mouth.
***
The real reason Annikin Skywalker went all darkside is because Spencer wouldn't go to prom with him.
***
Spencer Smith always sleeps on pink, flowered sheets. Even if he falls asleep on plain white ones, they'll change colors and sprout rosebuds in the night.
***
When Spencer Smith laughs it rains Skittles.
***
Spencer Smith is not allowed to lean on any outdoor surfaces unless Zack is nearby, no one wants him to get arrested again.
***
Spencer Smith's face appears eleven times on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.
***
This one time? Spencer Smith was in a bad mood and glared at everything nearby him.
This is why Swiss cheese has holes in it.
***
Spencer Smith knows the dirtiest thought you've ever had, just by looking at you.
***
Spencer Smith's smile is the heart of the tardis.
***
And his bitchface is registered as a deadly weapon in 32 states.
Ryan Ross
Ryan Ross is the best card sharp in the world. But he's never used his powers in Vegas, because that's just asking for trouble.
***
Ryan Ross learned to make soup from an ancient tattooed witch-chef who lives in a hut in the middle of the Nevada desert. She offered to sell him her recipe for oatmeal cookies for for a song. He gave her a whole album, so she had to give him her entire recipe box in exchange.
It's really good soup.
***
Ryan Ross writes Fall Out Boy genderswap fic on the internet. (Zack betas.)
***
Zack has every Dr. Seuss book ever memorized. (...so he can recite them for Brendon when Brendon's had a bad day)(Kind of exactly that, yes. Brendon really likes There's A Woset in my Closet. He identifies with things that are in closets.)
***
Ryan Ross has an irrational fear of those spontaneous soap bubbles that appear in the air from the plastic squirt bottle of dish soap. He believes that if they land on him, they steal his soul.
Brendon Urie found this out four days into their first tour together. Spencer had to intervene and consequently, every dish on the Panic! tour bus is disposable.
***
Ryan Ross can actually walk on water, but only if it's less than one foot deep.
***
The rosevest was created when Ryan Ross seduced Mother Nature. (Afterwards, he called her "the ultimate MILF.")
***
Ryan Ross can guess the end to any book, movie, television show, or video game that you put in front of him. He can also finish your sentences, even if he's just met you.
This has caused him to be punched in the face no less than eleven times.
***
Ryan Ross actually lives 550 years in the future. The Ryan Ross we know in our time is an ingeniously lifelike android he created and then sent back in time as a social experiment. The only drawback is the hologram can only speak in a monotone, because the mellifluous tones of his voice cannot be captured by any technology.
***
When Ryan Ross comes, he tastes like a root beer float. Seriously.
***
Ryan Ross's come used to taste like plain root beer. Then he sucked Brendon off.
***
Ray Toro and Ryan Ross had a cock-off. Patrick, in a nearby room, was on garageband. He spontaneously orgasmed and did not notice.
***
There's only been one conversation Ryan Ross really wishes he could un-have, and it was the one with Brendon about whether or not Brendon could sue their boss.
***
Ryan Ross has Jon, Spencer, and Brendon's mom's (moms's? fuuuuuck) number on speed dial.
***
After dusk, Ryan likes to be called Jorge.
***
Ryan wanted to grow his hair long enough to donate it to Locks of Love, but he couldn't stand the fact that once it grew past his shoulders, he started looking like Rachel Bilson.
***
When Panic! record and tour their third album, Ryan Ross actually has plans to dress like Karen O.
(That's up for debate though. Brendon wants them to dress up as Jem and the Holograms.)
(Spencer thinks the two could actually be combined quite well, but is afraid of the repercussions of mentioning that to Ryan and/or Brendon.)
(The last time Ryan and Brendon tried to combine something, they ended up eating pasta with tuna sauce for dinner. IT WASN'T PLEASANT.)
(As a result, Jon and Spencer are the only two members of Panic! who are allowed to have facial hair. Brendon and Ryan have been banned from following such a pursuit.)
***
The reason Ryan Ross has no facial expressions or voice inflection is because he gave them all to Spencer when they were kids. He just wanted to hear Spencer talk more and see Spencer smile more.
***
Ryan Ross was actually the Last Scion, until Alanis Morissette got him pregnant.
***
Jeffree Star is jealous of Ryan's mad makeup skillz.
Brendon Urie
Ummm. Brendon Urie wears Rainbow Brite underwear. True story.
***
On the day Brendon Urie was born, eleven people on the same floor of the hospital were suddenly cured of incurable diseases and ailments. One woman, who'd been blind since childhood, could suddenly see again.
***
All the kinetic energy in the world, does in fact, originate from Brendon Urie.
***
When Brendon Urie was seven, one of his friends fell into a well. Brendon sang and lifted him out of the well with only the power of his voice.
***
There is no such thing as global warming. Brendon Urie was sick of being rained on, so he turned up the sun.
***
Brendon Urie's tears turn anything they touch into gold.
***
The choirs of angels do, in fact, get their inspiration from Brendon Urie's voice.
***
When Brendon Urie makes the peace sign, all men's hearts are flooded with goodwill for exactly three seconds.
***
When Brendon Urie falls into water, he doesn't get wet. Water gets Brendon Urie.
***
Every so often, Brendon Urie gets voicemails from Elvis Presley (from beyond the grave!) giving him advice. Previous voicemails have involved: joining panic! at the disco, turning left at the intersection of 4th and Gardenia, and telling Pete Wentz "thanks, but no thanks" on the blowjob issue.
***
Brendon Urie has to warn cities before he arrives, because the sheer power of his awesomeness draws people to him magnetically, even through brick walls. His radius of awesomeness has a radius of three miles.
***
When Brendon Urie masturbates, everyone he's talked to in the last 24 hours orgasms
***
When Brendon Urie was five, he accidentally turned his puppy dog eyes on an unsuspecting neighbour. She was hospitalised for three weeks, because he was just so cute.
***
Brendon Urie fucked your mom. Twice.
AHAHAHAHA. THAT'S SO UNTRUE. YOUR MOM'S FEMALE.
***
Brendon Urie failed so hard at being straight that every time he couldn't perform, gay men everywhere lost their erections.
***
Brendon Urie has a custom-designed bed that includes built-in lube dispensers, similar to the soda/water dispensers you might find in a bar.
He likes it wet.
***
Brendon Urie can project gay porn into other peoples minds. This is why Pete Wentz loves hanging out with him.
***
For the first eighteen years of his life, Brendon Urie couldn't do the Humpty Dumpty rhyme without blushing. Because he had to say hump.
***
When he was younger, Brendon could fly while he was singing Disney songs. Then he hit puberty, and his powers faded. He still is bitter.
***
Every Christmas, Panic! at the Disco shoves the top of a Christmas tree up Brendon Urie's ass.
What? IT COUNTS. HE'S ANGELIC.
(But it's alright, because Brendon Urie enjoys the sensation of the pine needles.
NOT THAT ANGELIC.)
(Also, it makes his ass smell really fresh.)
(And he likes the birds that flock around him.)
(He hasn't been able to train them to dress him in the morning yet. FRUSTRATING.)
(But they do eat out of his hands and sing along with him, which almost makes up for it.)
***
A fan once walked a thousand miles to bounce a quarter off of Brendon's ass. When he picked it up off the ground, it was a gold piece.
***
Brendon Urie can turn water into hair product, just by waving his hand over it.
***
Interestingly, Brendon's come used to be tasteless- you could only tell he'd gotten off because shortly afterward you'd be overwhelmed with guilt and would find yourself calling your mom to apologize for nothing in particular.
These days, it tastes like peppermint.
***
Brendon Urie has a tragic addiction to Pixie Stix. They have been confiscated from him at many points, but he always seems to get more.
***
Brendon Urie has an external hard drive full of homemade porn. All of it starring household appliances. His masterpiece is the toaster/blender lesbian porn.
***
Brendon tried to showcase his household appliance porn in the bus lounge, but Ryan told him to stop playing with stuff and to give him his fucking straightener back, and Spencer banned him from watching Ryan's French films. Zack gave him a look, and the next time, Zack filmed while Brendon narrated.
***
One time they switched the regular coffee for decaf, just to see what it would do to Brendon. After, like, a day and a half, Jon switched it back. He missed the regular, caffeinated Brendon too much.
(Ryan Ross recalls that day and a half fondly. He still writes nostalgic, wistful songs about The Time Brendon Sat Still For, Like, An Hour.
Spencer Smith is still trying to come up with the sexual favor that will make Jon switch it back to decaf again.)
(Felching.)
(Lucky for Spencer, all of Jon Walker's bodily excrements taste like raspberries and sunshine.)
***
The ad execs at Red Bull came up with the 'it gives you wings' slogan after witnessing Brendon Urie levitate immediately after shotgunning a can.
***
Before he got hit with the Spencer Smith hip/smile combo Brendon Urie was straight.
***
In his spare time, Brendon moonlights as Sunshine Bear.
***
Every time they stop and it's raining, Brendon Urie insists on going outside and looking for frogs. He's convinced one day he'll find one that can dance!
***
When he sleeps, Brendon Urie levitates four inches above the bed. This is because God does not want pillow-wrinklies on his beautiful face.
***
Brendon Urie once stopped a hungry bear from charging, just by pouting at it.
***
Brendon Urie's dork-face is the cure for S.A.D.
***
Brendon Urie has a list of 35 cures for hangovers, categorized by type of hangover, but the one thing each has in common is: blowjob.
***
Brendon Urie stole Ryan Ross' make-up bag once, and he tried everything on just because it had been on Ryan's skin before.
***
Brendon Urie's first celebrity crush was on Captain Planet.
(Ryan doesn't know that, because if he finds out he wouldn't agree to use that costume in Halloween.)
Jon Walker
This one time on Nothing Rhymes With Circus, Jon woke up and could read Spencer's mind. It lasted exactly twenty-eight days. No one noticed.
***
Jon Walker's smile is actually the cure for the common cold.
***
Due to a rift in the space-time continuum caused entirely by awesome, the Spartans were actually descended from Jon Walker.
***
Jon Walker writes bodice-ripper style romance novels under a pen-name. Once he actually tried to rip Ryan's rosevest, just to see if it was actually possible. (It was, and that's the true story of Jon Walker's hair - Ryan Ross snatched him bald)
***
Relatedly: Jon Walker's semen cures any food poisoning. Unfortunately for the world, Spencer Smith is the only one who knows this.
***
93% of Jon Walker's iPod is country music. When no one can hear him, he sings with a twang.
***
One time when Jon was drunk, he serenaded Spencer with the entirety of John Michael Montgomery's "I Swear", complete with twang. He didn't remember it in the morning, but Spencer secretly downloaded the song and listens to it before bed at night.
***
Jon Walker knows every spot on Spencer Smith that is ticklish. Ryan Ross thinks he knows every spot, but he's missing one, and like hell Jon Walker's sharing.
***
Jon Walker started playing bass because it has the word ass in it. True story.
***
Jon Walker actually joined Panic! At The Disco because he has a very rare and life-threatening disease that can only be controlled by a semi-constant exposure to ridiculous clothing choices, camaraderie, and Spencer Smith's Hips (tm).
***
Jon Walker is the only human alive who is immune to Bill Beckett's legs.
***
Jon Walker took ballet lessons from age four to age ten. Spencer laughed when he found out. Then Jon showed him exactly what people mean when they talk about "dancer thighs". He hasn't laughed since. For Jon's next birthday, Spencer gave him pink sweatpants that say "Pretty Ballerina" across the ass. Jon wears them whenever someone on the bus needs cheering up.
***
Jon Walker is actually a werewolf. He wears the flip flops so his feet don't get pinched when he transforms every month.
***
When Jon Walker "dances", Justin Timberlake's left eye twitches for an hour.
***
Jon Walker never relaxes. The world just slows down for Jon Walker.
***
Jon Walker has a penchant for daisies.
***
Jon's smurf name is Snuggly-Mumpkins.
(This secretly turns Spencer on.)
Fall Out Boy
Pete Wentz
For two entire weeks at the age of four, Pete Wentz insisted that his parents call him "Madonna".
***
Pete Wentz can actually make beverages sweeter, solely with the power of his mind.
***
Pete Wentz is a furry!
...oh, wait.
***
If you stand too close to Pete Wentz for more than five minutes at a time, you'll be overwhelmed with the desire to make love to something.
No, wait...
***
Pete Wentz is thinking about selling the soul to the devil to ensure that when Patrick jumps out of the cake and Pete proposes to him, he's naked.
Patrick, not Pete. Though there's a high probability Pete will be naked by then, too.
***
Pete Wentz hides his porn in a box shoved to the back of his closet labeled "OLD HAIR". He hides his Mandy Moore movies in a box marked "HORSE PORN".
***
Pete has already picked out the names of the three kids he plans to have with Patrick. He hasn't told Patrick, but he has discussed it with Brendon, who plans to name his and Ryan's children after Disney princesses.
***
Pete, Patrick, Brendon, and Ryan all went out on a double date once. Once only, because within ten minutes of their arrival at the restaurant, all of the patrons and staff fainted from the sheer joy of their presence.
***
Twelve hours later, all awoke and found that their hair was glossier and their skin softer, no joke.
***
If you listen to G.I.N.A.S.F.S. backwards, it's actually a song about how much Pete loves Patrick. Oh wait, shit, that's when you listen to it forwards.
***
Speaking of clean, Patrick has offered to give Pete head and swallow if Pete would just clean the fucking bus once.
Pete Wentz has never once come in Patrick's mouth.
***
Pete Wentz insists his come has medicinal properties, and every time Patrick gets a cold, reminds him of this. Pete Wentz again, has never come in Patrick's mouth.
***
The real reason why MCR and Panic don't perform together often was that back at the very first festival they ever played together, Spencer Smith and Frank Iero smiled at each other, and back in the States, Pete Wentz went into labor.
Patrick fainted from shock, not because he's squeamish. It's just, they'd always been so careful.
***
Unknown to many, the most commonly uttered phrase by Fall Out Boy collectively is "Shut up, Pete."
***
Due to a strange anomaly with the time-space continuum, Pete has met and married Patrick six times.
***
Pete Wentz's first sexual experience was with a Twinkie.
***
Pete Wentz is a very specific type of muse- he comes to rappers in dreams and inspires hip hop songs about his ass. Miss New Booty, Baby Got Back, Back That Ass Up, My Humps, all inspired by him. It's not his fault those hip hop dudes don't remember their dreams very well and think "it MUST have been a chick I was dreaming about". The other muses laugh at him.
***
Pete Wentz is fluent in five languages. One of them is Ryan Ross.
Patrick Stump
Patrick Stump's voice can actually cure terminal illnesses. Except that when he uses this power, he shrinks another eighth of an inch.
***
Patrick Stump is currently the subject of intense scrutiny by a sect (?) of elite ninjas. They are fairly certain that if they can learn to duplicate his smile, all of their foes will be dazzled into compliance.
***
Patrick Stump(h) can levitate people with his voice.
(Or at least that's what Pete claims, "people" meaning "Pete's dick".)
***
Patrick Stump has totally promised Pete that he will jump out of a cake for Pete's 30th birthday. Pete demanded it in writing, and they're still in contract negotiations - Patrick keeps trying to write loopholes in.
***
Patrick cannot hear the theme song to Different Strokes without bursting into tears. (Pete keeps a special hanky around just for times like those. It's even clean.)
***
Patrick Stump doesn't do gross things. His body is made up of kittens, Saturdays, 70 degree weather, first kisses, and butterflies. Trust Pete, he cut that bitch open once to check.
...oh, wait. Pete clearly likes fun facts, too.
***
Patrick is now a required inclusion in nationwide Geometry curriculum. All the other shapes are jealous. As they should be.
***
Patrick's bald spot is an unfortunate side effect of his halo.
Joe Trohman
Joe Trohman went to Equus.
***
Once, Pete pissed on Joe's weed plant. When Joe smoked the weed later, he hallucinated a giant bunny orgy.
He has never come that hard before, not in his whole life.
***
Joe Trohman? Deals Pixie Stix. He is not actually smoking weed; if you look closely, you will note a powdery pink reside on his pipe. Sugar. It gives him away.
***
Joe Trohman can't make a sex tape because his cock is too big to fit on screen, no matter how widely you zoom out.
***
The secret to happiness is buried somewhere in Joe Trohman's hair.
Andy Hurley
Andy got no love.
My Chemical Romance
Gerard Way
Gerard Way has two speeds: Walk and Emote.
***
Gerard Way wanted a fresh start at his new school, so, hoping to not be considered the queer, weird, emo art freak, he auditioned for and obtained the role of Peter Pan in the school musical.
No, wait, that's actually true...
***
Gerard and Mikey Way weren't actually born, they were hatched from the eggs of a sparkling, lime-green dragon that nested in the Way's attic for five years.
***
One night, Mrs. Way had a dream that an angel came to visit her, nine months later she had Gerard.
***
Gerard Way's first drawing was a crayon rendition of an actual, possible, working time machine. (He sold said time machine blueprint to a strange British physician in Converse hightops and a pinstripe suit.)
***
Not only does Gerard Way save lives, but "Welcome to the Black Parade" has been known to cure Dutch Elm Disease.
***
In a past life, Gerard Way owned platform boots with goldfish in the heels.
(In this life the goldfish are robotic, as a concession to Frank.)
(Gerard pouted, but then Frank said he'd help him paint them black and red and glue on little lace bits that will trail through the water when they swim, and Gerard gave in.)
(The miniature kelp feather boas, though, were Mikey's idea.)
(He also painted eyeliner on them. The glue on the false eyelashes didn't take well to the water, though.)
***
My Chemical Romance was almost called Fuzzy Puppy Cuddle Time.
***
Gerard's fastest one-handed bra removal time was 94 seconds.
(It would have been quicker, but he was writing a song in his head at the time. )
(About vampire kittens.)
(He should have just sung the song to Frank. It would have made up for the slow bra-removal.)
***
Gerard Way wonders if he can go back to his mom's basement when he gets bored with his new wife. (oooops!)
***
Gerard Way can play twenty-eight songs on the xylophone, including Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Mary Had A Little Lamb, and Nirvana's Rape Me.
(He plays one in which all the keys are in colors, when people asked why he said it was 'cause in that way he could imagine he was playing the rainbow. (Mikey says it's because it's a gay pride-thingy, but no one listens to Mikey anymore))
Mikey Way
The different versions of Mikeyway are actually stages in his eventual metamorphosis into a unicorn. Gerard will be very sad on that day, except for the part of him that always wanted a pony for Christmas.
***
Mikey Way made a Milky Way bar cry one time, because Mikey is sweeter.
***
Mikey Way can delay the sunrise for exactly nine minutes. He is the ultimate human snooze button.
***
Brendon Urie has also been on Mikey Way's "People to Kill Once Gerard Figures Out the Best Way to Dispose of Corpses" list since The Great Hair Straightener Debacle of 2006. ( Gerard's plan currently involves a murder of crows and some fishing line. It... needs work.)
(Gerard thought his plan was brilliant until Mikey asked if the inspiration behind it was Gerard's love for the phrase "murder of crows". Bob also pointed out that Gerard should try for a more discreet method so they wouldn't all end up in jail (he *likes* playing drums for My Chemical Romance).
(Brian also pointed out that the bodies would smell.)
***
Mikey Way actually has perfect vision. More than that, he has x-ray vision. His corrective lenses inhibit the x-ray vision; he had to get them after one too many exposures to Gerard's unpleasant underwear (or lack thereof).
Frank Iero
Frank Iero was the first person to ever utter the phrase "I can has cheeseburger?" Unfortunately, he said this whilst holding a kitten, thus spawing the Age of Cat Macros.
***
Frank Iero had to have plastic surgery to make him less attractive. Before he had it, every mirror he looked into shattered from the sheer radiance and glory of his appearance.
***
Rainstorms were created to restore the balance of the world after the joy that is Frank Iero was born.
***
Pregnant women in their third trimester are advised to avoid Frank Iero, as the sheer force of his smile is enough to cause premature labor and delivery.
***
The red button on the President's desk sends a text message simultaneously to Pete Wentz, Spencer Smith, and Frank Iero. It's one word: smile.
***
Frank Iero's tattoos are such an integral part of his identity, they have actually merged with his body and become part of his DNA.
***
If within three feet of you, Frank Iero can take your pants off with his mind.
***
Once on a stage in Hamburg, Frank Iero spontaneously grew an organic pear from his right elbow.
***
When he was in high school, Frank was so tiny and adorable that sometimes girls would put him on their laps and pet him all day long. He assumed he was unpopular because all their boyfriends would beat him up and shove him into lockers, but that was really just an excuse to grope him more than anything.
Most of his class didn’t graduate. They heard Frank laugh one day and had to be carted off to the hospital because their brains had exploded. The doctors still can't figure it out; to this day, the victims are suffering from face-splitting grins and glazed-eye syndrome.
***
Known fact: Frank Iero's smile cures cancer.
Less known fact: Frank's laugh cures all three kinds of hepatitis.
***
Frank Iero tried out a career as a motivational speaker, but everyone in the Jersey area kept fucking up their lives on purpose, just to be close to him, so he had to quit.
***
Frank Iero can fit 37.5 oreos in his mouth at the same time.
***
Frank Iero can compel three separate species of bears to give him piggy back rides.
***
Frank Iero once snuck around a Walmart for 45 minutes, taking the colored crayons from one box and trading them for the black from every other box, just so Gerard Way could have a box full of black crayons.
***
Do not, I repeat, do NOT put the Frank Iero action figure in your pocket if you are male. It will kick you in the balls.
***
Another fun fact about the Frank Iero action figure: each one has a tiny gold heart at the center of the plastic.
Bob Bryar
Whenever anyone asks Bob Bryar what time it is, he will casually glance at his watch and say, "Two seconds 'til". When a person responds, "Two seconds 'til what?", he punches you in the face.
***
Rather than having a "lucky" article of clothing, Bob Bryar finds that good things happen to him when he goes without underpants.
***
Bob Bryar doesn't use pick up lines, he simply says "Now"
It works every time.
***
The freckles on Bob Bryar's back, when connected with eyeliner pencil, form an almost perfect replica of van Gogh's Starry Night.
***
Bob's bunk is secretly a magic doorway to a land of marshmallow clouds, chocolate rain, and an army of Franks armed with big black dildos. No one's really sure why Bob doesn't like sleeping on the bus.
He isn't telling.
Ray Toro
After making their motion picture, the rats of NIM relocated to Ray Toro's hair.
***
Ray Toro has avoided Brendon Urie like the plague since an incident they refer to as The Great Hair Straightener Debacle 2006.
***
Ray Toro's hair has the power to save lives.
***
Ray Toro was once asked to leave a public pool, because his bulge was scaring the children.
***
It takes all of Ray's bandmates together to give him a handjob.
***
The largest dildo ever invented was modelled off of Ray's cock.
(Gabe had to go to the ER after he tried to deepthroat it.)
(Pete didn't.)
***
Ray Toro...Secretly the reincarnation of Buddha. If you listen closely, his guitar plays the prayers and precepts laid down by his previous form.
***
Ray Toro knows every step to N*Sync's Bye Bye Bye choreography.
***
Ray Toro is Patrick Stump's birth father. From the future.
***
Ray Toro can go Super Saiyan. Level FIVE.
Miscellaneous
William Beckett
Travis McCoy and William Beckett are 5 ft 3 and 4 ft 11 respectively. For public appearances, they tend to be carried around by a hard-working army of flying robo-monkeys.
***
When William Beckett's hair falls out, each strand turns into a butterfly.
***
William Beckett was the true cause of the Trojan War, through some freak time traveling misadventure. "Hellen" was a fictional character based off of him to avoid problems and confusion in the future when people realized the same person existed in two time periods.
***
William's leg is actually hollow. He keeps Patrick Stump in it sometimes.
***
William Beckett used to dress up with his mom's clothes when he was a kid. He says that the little fact explains a lot.
***
When William Beckett is sick, the only thing that will make him feel better is Frosted Mini Wheats in colored-pink milk. ♥
***
William Beckett is actually an angel, meaning he's as anatomically incorrect as a Ken doll. He doesn't like to talk about it.
(Also, he can't imbibe alcohol. Travie likes to rub that in, smug bastard.)
(And contrary to fanfic on the internet, Ryan Ross is very much jealous of his wings.)
***
Travis McCoy
(See also: William Beckett)
***
If you listen to Travis McCoy talk backwards, you will learn the secret to the meaning of life.
The Butcher
The butcher does his owns tattoos. He's that good.
Gabe Saporta
Gabe Saporta can actually travel through time and many people who have gone missing in history are locked in his basement, including Amelia Earhart.
***
Once, Gabe Saporta was kidnapped by alien cobras
Gabe Saporta has hooked up with every
Gabe Saporta is a direct (albeit illegitimate) descendant of Frank Sinatra.
***
Every time Gabe Saporta throws up his fangs, a cobra realizes it has been doing that wrong all along.
***
Gabe Saporta's saliva is a hallucinogen. Better than an acid trip, baby.
***
And the Bermuda Triangle is all Gabe's fault, too.
***
In Gabe's basement, they really just sit around and watch the OC. (Patrick cried for a week after they finally let him go--because it was cancelled.)
***
Gabe Saporta knows every word to Madonna's "Like A Prayer"-- oh wait, right, making up facts
***
Gabe Saporta is not affected by drugs, drugs are created by coming into contact with Gabe Saporta.
***
When certain species of toads lick Gabe Saporta, they spend the next twelve hours seeing talking flies.
***
Gabe Saporta's left nipple tastes like buttered toast. His right, like Girl Scout's Thin Mints cookies.
***
Gabe Saporta checks Craigslist every day looking for someone to have a dance off against.
***
Travis claims that Gabe Saporta's nipples are the only thing that will calm his stomach after fifteen hours of drinking.
William Beckett verifies the claim.
Brendon Urie wish he could reach that high.
Pete Wentz is just thankful they invented stepladders
***
Gabe can rain fire and brimstone. Everyone is jealous of that. Secretly Gabe thinks it's pretty impractical.
Alex Suarez
Alex Suarez is the time traveling mpreg baby of John Lennon and Paul McCartney. Plz to be seeing icon: