Hanging on to a Little Thing
Today was a hard day. I'd like to say that I did a whole lot with it, but I didn't. I slept an enormous amount... I mean I was up less than an hour while reading the paper when I snuggled back down and slept some more. It happened way later again when I tried to read for class too. So, this is probably just the fact that reading in bed is bad cause I fall asleep. (it's also partly because my class readings are disgustingly boring sometimes. I mean "Heirarchical Failures and Market Solutions: Can competition create efficient incentives for heirarchy?" Come on. Zzzzz...)
I did a whole lot of crying off and on, but on the whole I did okay today. i finally ate something... Yeah.. the stomach cramps? I realized I hadn't eaten in two days @.@ Not a good thing. So, I ate if for nothing else to get back to what is good for me. I talked to Jaclyn again (we talked yesterday) and she's been so great. She understands things in ways that other people don't,a nd she really doesn't care how many times I have to tell her the same stupid things. I don't know what I'd do without her. Mom offered to pay for me to go see her for my birthday, and I'd like to, but logistically it won't work. Sean moved his visit up to the weekend I originally was planning on going (which is okay, and I'm really doing fine with :) ) and then Mom and Dad are going back out to oregon Dec 2-19. And Jac leaves Chicago the 23rd to go back home for christmas. So, timing wise, it's not going to work. As of right now, I'm doing okay with it. She and I have discussed that hopefully in the next quarter or two that maybe we can plan to go somewhere new and fun. It would be really good for us both.
Also went to see Pat today at her craft fair. She saved me some "flubber" which is pretty much the same as the silly putty we all made as kids. :) it's very cute. I also got a dark purple scarf that when you look at up close has a bit of sparkle to it. It's pretty. Other than that, I spent the evening trying to do work (not terribly successful), and thinking. I've got a couple things on my mind about what I need to start. This is good. Hard, but good.
This feels apt today (From eels "Checkout blues"):
Hang on to a little thing
And let it guide the way
Bring it with you to
Another day
I've got something
Maybe i should tell you
I'm hanging on here
And i'm really gonna try
Things won't get better
Until they get much worse
Am i stronger than the curse
All I can keep telling myself (besides the fact that what I'm handling is not a curse *g*) is that, "Yes, I am stronger."