(no subject)
Just like old times, I am delaying working on architecture stuff by playing on the net. I have shut myself in almost all weekend to get this stuff done. Well, not really, I went out both nights, but not very late.
I feel like I have never hit so many highs and lows within such a short amount of time. When I left my family, I was crushed, ready to say goodbye to all of humanity. We did have a great Thanksgiving meal at my aunt's in the countryside, with horses grazing outside the window as we dined. For at least one day, I got to relax and enjoy some conversations held by native English speakers. I watched movies and ate endlessly. On Friday of that week, we split up - brothers to snowboard, parents to hit up Christmas markets, Gwen and I off to Strasbourg, France. My sister always wants to force serious discussion and family analysis. This trip was no exception. She grilled me about my love life. She grilled me about my plans post-graduation (2006, mind you.) I just stared at her. I wasn't uncomfortable, just annoyed. I got one thing on my mind: learning German and living in Germany. Eight more months. She didn't get it, and reverted to her other favorite topic: bitching about our family. It always distresses me, and I was less capable of handling it this time. I don't hate my parents and don't want to. She truly hates our mother. Gwen has declared several times that Mom shouldn't have had five kids. Pete and I are #4 and 5 after a six year break. It's clear who the "extra" children are. I wanted to tell Gwen to shut the hell up, "Too bad. I was born. Sorry I ruined your life." Instead I started crying really hard and had to leave the restaurant. She's 27. Why does she do this? She didn't apologize and was only worse the next day. I love my family and just wanted to relax with them for a week. Instead I ended up exhausted and mute, just wanting it all to end so I could get home to Dortmund.
And here I am, struggling to communicate with people in every language. I don't know what to do about some people. I have a hard time letting things go. I want everyone to know that if you were to come to Europe in the next 8 months, and you gave me one day's notice, I would meet you anywhere. Truly. I love you kids.
I spent some time at the Christmas market yesterday. It was not unlike a rock concert. The one store I went into must have had at least a thousand people on every floor. It was almost impossible to cut across the sidewalk because of the hordes of people. I drank some hot wine and laughed at "the biggest Christmas tree in Europe." Perhaps because of all of the holiday cheer, some of the study abroad students here are feeling lonely. Because of my recent family visit, I am not, but I found myself hanging out one-on-one Friday and Saturday night with two different people I normally wouldn't. There was a big Spanish party, too, and I found myself realizing how long it had been since I was somewhere I knew everyone and could successfully talk to them. Then I noticed I was the only American among a sea of Greek, German, French, Peruvian, Turkish, and Belgian people. And that was definitely a good feeling.
Why hasn't anyone LJed for a week!? Ah yes, finals. Good luck.
And HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYLEE!
I feel like I have never hit so many highs and lows within such a short amount of time. When I left my family, I was crushed, ready to say goodbye to all of humanity. We did have a great Thanksgiving meal at my aunt's in the countryside, with horses grazing outside the window as we dined. For at least one day, I got to relax and enjoy some conversations held by native English speakers. I watched movies and ate endlessly. On Friday of that week, we split up - brothers to snowboard, parents to hit up Christmas markets, Gwen and I off to Strasbourg, France. My sister always wants to force serious discussion and family analysis. This trip was no exception. She grilled me about my love life. She grilled me about my plans post-graduation (2006, mind you.) I just stared at her. I wasn't uncomfortable, just annoyed. I got one thing on my mind: learning German and living in Germany. Eight more months. She didn't get it, and reverted to her other favorite topic: bitching about our family. It always distresses me, and I was less capable of handling it this time. I don't hate my parents and don't want to. She truly hates our mother. Gwen has declared several times that Mom shouldn't have had five kids. Pete and I are #4 and 5 after a six year break. It's clear who the "extra" children are. I wanted to tell Gwen to shut the hell up, "Too bad. I was born. Sorry I ruined your life." Instead I started crying really hard and had to leave the restaurant. She's 27. Why does she do this? She didn't apologize and was only worse the next day. I love my family and just wanted to relax with them for a week. Instead I ended up exhausted and mute, just wanting it all to end so I could get home to Dortmund.
And here I am, struggling to communicate with people in every language. I don't know what to do about some people. I have a hard time letting things go. I want everyone to know that if you were to come to Europe in the next 8 months, and you gave me one day's notice, I would meet you anywhere. Truly. I love you kids.
I spent some time at the Christmas market yesterday. It was not unlike a rock concert. The one store I went into must have had at least a thousand people on every floor. It was almost impossible to cut across the sidewalk because of the hordes of people. I drank some hot wine and laughed at "the biggest Christmas tree in Europe." Perhaps because of all of the holiday cheer, some of the study abroad students here are feeling lonely. Because of my recent family visit, I am not, but I found myself hanging out one-on-one Friday and Saturday night with two different people I normally wouldn't. There was a big Spanish party, too, and I found myself realizing how long it had been since I was somewhere I knew everyone and could successfully talk to them. Then I noticed I was the only American among a sea of Greek, German, French, Peruvian, Turkish, and Belgian people. And that was definitely a good feeling.
Why hasn't anyone LJed for a week!? Ah yes, finals. Good luck.
And HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYLEE!