(no subject)
i read a blog that dana reposted, i think it was something hayley wrote; the subject matter being rape and jokes about rape. hayley's message was, essentially, that rape jokes are not funny because they demean the suffering of the survivor and they can trigger flashbacks or overwhelming anxiety for someone who has been attacked. this is interesting to me as a rape survivor who will make any joke that presents itself and was more disturbed by milky getting beat up in "this is england" than any rape scene i've ever come across in a movie.
it's fascinating to me where people decide to draw their moral boundaries. i get passionately mad when someone thinks "rape" and "sex" are interchangeable terms. i get violently mad when the focus of an investigation is what clothing was worn, or how much alcohol was imbibed. i had a strange moment last week, walking home from david's house on third ave, when some asshole tried to grab my hello kitty bag. i yelled and swung at the guy, and a security guard from a nearby school chased the guy away [kitty bag is still in tact, thank you!]. when i got back to david's place, i was talking to kriss and tasha about the whole ordeal and kriss said, "well you probably looked pretty drunk." this young man has been one of my closest friends for five years, and if i had been attacked that night in a more serious manner, i honestly don't know if i could count on his reaction to be more enlightened. what an astonishing blow to my trust and confidence in him. i was telling doug about the incident, and his defense of kriss was, "well a girl with a kitty bag stumbling around manhattan does look like an easy target". how am i supposed to feel about that sentiment? very few men have any understanding of how deeply scary a statement like that is, and even fewer see how unproductive and immoral it is to blame the victim in any situation. my physical well being should have nothing to do with what i'm wearing, or what i've had to drink, and everything to do with the simple kindergarten logic of "if it isn't yours, don't fucking touch it."
so i'm obviously someone who is vocal about my experiences, about wanting to help other women, about wanting to kill every rapist and molester. i am also one of the lewdest, crudest, rudest people i have ever met. if there's a joke to be made, no matter whom it offends or how vile the punchline may be, i'll make that joke because there's laughs to be had. it probably ties in with my crippling need for attention and semi-sociopathic detachment from my actions and their consequences. i wonder why i would make a rape joke when i find nothing really funny about rape. maybe sometimes the telling of a joke has nothing to do with the comedienne but everything to do with the audience. i don't find it funny, but i know that you will and if it's my goal to make you laugh, i'm going to say anything.
i wonder how many scenarios in my life have been examples of choosing a successful social situation over defending my truest thoughts and feelings. i wonder why i didn't know better sooner, although i've only recently started talking about what happened to me when i was a child. i'm going to be more mindful in the future, that while crassness has it's own special zing, i want to live by what i know is right.
it's fascinating to me where people decide to draw their moral boundaries. i get passionately mad when someone thinks "rape" and "sex" are interchangeable terms. i get violently mad when the focus of an investigation is what clothing was worn, or how much alcohol was imbibed. i had a strange moment last week, walking home from david's house on third ave, when some asshole tried to grab my hello kitty bag. i yelled and swung at the guy, and a security guard from a nearby school chased the guy away [kitty bag is still in tact, thank you!]. when i got back to david's place, i was talking to kriss and tasha about the whole ordeal and kriss said, "well you probably looked pretty drunk." this young man has been one of my closest friends for five years, and if i had been attacked that night in a more serious manner, i honestly don't know if i could count on his reaction to be more enlightened. what an astonishing blow to my trust and confidence in him. i was telling doug about the incident, and his defense of kriss was, "well a girl with a kitty bag stumbling around manhattan does look like an easy target". how am i supposed to feel about that sentiment? very few men have any understanding of how deeply scary a statement like that is, and even fewer see how unproductive and immoral it is to blame the victim in any situation. my physical well being should have nothing to do with what i'm wearing, or what i've had to drink, and everything to do with the simple kindergarten logic of "if it isn't yours, don't fucking touch it."
so i'm obviously someone who is vocal about my experiences, about wanting to help other women, about wanting to kill every rapist and molester. i am also one of the lewdest, crudest, rudest people i have ever met. if there's a joke to be made, no matter whom it offends or how vile the punchline may be, i'll make that joke because there's laughs to be had. it probably ties in with my crippling need for attention and semi-sociopathic detachment from my actions and their consequences. i wonder why i would make a rape joke when i find nothing really funny about rape. maybe sometimes the telling of a joke has nothing to do with the comedienne but everything to do with the audience. i don't find it funny, but i know that you will and if it's my goal to make you laugh, i'm going to say anything.
i wonder how many scenarios in my life have been examples of choosing a successful social situation over defending my truest thoughts and feelings. i wonder why i didn't know better sooner, although i've only recently started talking about what happened to me when i was a child. i'm going to be more mindful in the future, that while crassness has it's own special zing, i want to live by what i know is right.