(no subject)
I have thought this a couple of times throughout my bland existance:
I have nothing to be proud of. I was asked at an interview once what I was proud of for accomplishing, I had nothing to say. Since I have been home I have seen people I love and played halo. I work everyday too but that's life. I really want to accomplish something. I build stuff, is that anything worth mentioning? Probably not. My goal is to not do things that I would be ashamed of, guess what kind of stuff that is. I have given into SO much temptation over these days its unbearable, just seeing things makes my body quiver, I have to fight urges etc.
I have felt very lonely since I arrived home; in every aspect of my being. All I do is look at the Fall of Troy message boards, my email and back to the boards. I want to go get my bike fixed and just ride around, do something with this waste of flesh and bone. Maybe I will start reading with the help of Greg and others unnamed. My vocabulary sucks. My grammar sucks. My experience is mediocre. My love and aspirations are opposites, in a sense, I love music. I have no other aspiration but to work and have children and smile and die.
I feel like I should go out on a limb and try and close myself off from people, see if "they" call me. There is a certain group I need to see, they know it, they ignore this also and it drives me batty. I want to stop swearing, its unappealing. I want to start loving. I want to see people, see movies, sit watch things, ponder things. I undestand that I can be "shady" but not really, most people hear back from me, and I want to see them, I just don't want to put them in weird positions, you know? But then there are those friends, you "love/hate". I am getting to the point of not caring, it sickens me. Friendships older than 7 years shouldn't be simply smashed because one has to fuck. Richard knows this, I will call him out, he saddens me deeply. Others unnamed have trouble getting back to reality, I understand, they are obviously busy. I don't understand. I am sorry for "complaining" I meant to share my distrust in our existance. Maybe there are some metaphors in there! ooooooooOOOOOOOOooooooo. PWNT! BITCH DIE. I feel like I should quote something:
"if you look back to our past days
you will see we were lost love friends
all the words we said must have meant something
our worlds collided with the beat of this
this will not be much clearer
your day will look brighter without me in it
the difference we haven't changed a bit
the same people with seperate lives and seperate smiles
if it weren't for you i wouldn't be doing these things i do
the last thing i ever wanted went away
all good things must end
this is part of life that must happen
without you here"
There are parts that are true and parts that I wish weren't.
Hold me, Kiss me.
I have nothing to be proud of. I was asked at an interview once what I was proud of for accomplishing, I had nothing to say. Since I have been home I have seen people I love and played halo. I work everyday too but that's life. I really want to accomplish something. I build stuff, is that anything worth mentioning? Probably not. My goal is to not do things that I would be ashamed of, guess what kind of stuff that is. I have given into SO much temptation over these days its unbearable, just seeing things makes my body quiver, I have to fight urges etc.
I have felt very lonely since I arrived home; in every aspect of my being. All I do is look at the Fall of Troy message boards, my email and back to the boards. I want to go get my bike fixed and just ride around, do something with this waste of flesh and bone. Maybe I will start reading with the help of Greg and others unnamed. My vocabulary sucks. My grammar sucks. My experience is mediocre. My love and aspirations are opposites, in a sense, I love music. I have no other aspiration but to work and have children and smile and die.
I feel like I should go out on a limb and try and close myself off from people, see if "they" call me. There is a certain group I need to see, they know it, they ignore this also and it drives me batty. I want to stop swearing, its unappealing. I want to start loving. I want to see people, see movies, sit watch things, ponder things. I undestand that I can be "shady" but not really, most people hear back from me, and I want to see them, I just don't want to put them in weird positions, you know? But then there are those friends, you "love/hate". I am getting to the point of not caring, it sickens me. Friendships older than 7 years shouldn't be simply smashed because one has to fuck. Richard knows this, I will call him out, he saddens me deeply. Others unnamed have trouble getting back to reality, I understand, they are obviously busy. I don't understand. I am sorry for "complaining" I meant to share my distrust in our existance. Maybe there are some metaphors in there! ooooooooOOOOOOOOooooooo. PWNT! BITCH DIE. I feel like I should quote something:
"if you look back to our past days
you will see we were lost love friends
all the words we said must have meant something
our worlds collided with the beat of this
this will not be much clearer
your day will look brighter without me in it
the difference we haven't changed a bit
the same people with seperate lives and seperate smiles
if it weren't for you i wouldn't be doing these things i do
the last thing i ever wanted went away
all good things must end
this is part of life that must happen
without you here"
There are parts that are true and parts that I wish weren't.
Hold me, Kiss me.