Richard reminded me that I didn't include some important news of this weekend. One thing was I found was that June and I share many of the same interests. And that bass amps go through windows.
i feel dumb. but i cant sleep and i dont know. i wanted to say sorry and this is the only way i know how to reach you anymore when you're not online. i just wanted to say that you didnt deserve me being stupid last summer, didnt deserve me being passive and grouchy and no energy, didnt deserve me putting all my negative feelings and issues on your back. theres a difference between earning support and earning sympathy, i guess i used you being my boyfriend as means of sympathy instead of a support system. i shouldve used you as a distraction, someone im happy to see where i can forget about my problems and have fun. i was wrong in everything i did, and i dont know. i guess i am the person that i was the first time we hung out. doing stupid stuff and laughing with you. and watching a dumb movie and sitting by the lake talking about school. actually going and driving around. not the sit on the couch complain type person. i suppose thats why i tried to win your friendship the past few months, i felt like i owed you the real me, owed you not being stupid. but i guess trying to be your friend was stupid because you seem that you'll never see me again as a friend that is fun, or carefree. which makes me kind of sad because i am a happy person now. i dont know. im just apologizing and saying, whatever saga i have created is over. sorry for being a pest, a nuisance, a drama queen. its not me. i guess i still kind of wish i could show you that but it wont ever happen. im realising that now, and im also realising why i felt such a need to try and be a friend to you. because i was an enemy when i was your girlfriend. im over both now. i dont know i guess this makes me look really retarded and immature but i guess i just realised i owe you a true apology. and i know you'll probably treat this with sarcasm or insincerity. but i tried. im out of your hair, you can punch me in the face now. i dont know why i was so stupid towards you.
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