Well
Progress this last week...has not been good. Yet I'm happier than I was this time last week.
Socially I've definitely sorted things, at last. Let's ignore my blowout Monday/Tuesday. I needed to blow off steam, and almost ended up sabotaging myself and those around me in the process. Thankfully I fixed things, and later in the week worked out where I stand. The details are private, but I'm comfortable with where I am right now. I would at this time also like to dispel any notion people might have that I am or have ever been in a relationship. That's not what's going on right now, though I suppose there was related uncertainty. Given everything else that's currently unclear, it's for the best right now. In April, I almost ended up in a relationship but didn't because circumstances made it inappropriate for each of us. I don't want to say the same thing has happened now because it hasn't, but there are some similarities from some angles. Point is, I understand and I'm happy about it.
It was the uncertainty which made me unhappy, I don't like not knowing where I stand.
I guess the same is true in all areas of my life, which brings me onto uni stuff. Yes, I've still made little progress, but I did get 2 essays back. My verdicts at the time were "car crash" and "not too bad, but hardly fantastic because of these *shows list* holes". Result? 62% and 69% respectively. Score! The pressure on me is now reduced, as I only need 60% for the 2:1 I'm going for this year. I'm still aiming for 70% for my dissertation, but that's because I want that to be fantastic and want it to reduce pressure elsewhere.
Job wise, it turns out I've not missed the deadline for the CII application - it's today, and I'll finish it today, which presents some small hope. Unfortunately I've yet to work out what I'm doing with RBS yet, my career with them will probably end in 2 weeks time. I don't know if there's much point in me maintaining it really, regardless of my lack of graduate job progress. WIth my current flat, returning to Dumfries if I don't get a grad job is still not an option I'm considering, and given how much things have changed I'd need too much training to make it worthwhile. I'll sort it Wednesday.
If I do end up staying here for the extra week, that means more time to study, sort my dissertation, and apply for jobs. Will I use the week well? No. But I'll intend to. The week after I'm in Dumfries anyway, but only for a week. Then I'm back.
Hopefully Livingston will get me work in January, if not who knows? I can spend 3 weeks on my dissertation though if I don't have anything to do on that front either way.
It's weird - I've a few things to be stressed about, but I'm actually happy instead. I'm the sort of guy who loves drama because it keeps life interesting, and I'm prepared to self sabotage to achieve that (subconsciously). If I can actually get out of the habit of doing that though, my life could be saved. I know I could have done so much more in life by now if I wasn't like that, but I'm actually not bothered - I've had some great times and those have been worth not doing work afterwards because of it. Like last year - I fucked up because I was partying instead of working, But I had some good times that I wouldn't trade because of it.
And now I think my life really could start soaring.
My confidence has received a collossal boost lately, and who knows where it might lead?
Yeah, you can tell I've been doing this entry gradually over an hour, aye?
Right, to bed, and to the start of week 2 of my 2 week plan!
Socially I've definitely sorted things, at last. Let's ignore my blowout Monday/Tuesday. I needed to blow off steam, and almost ended up sabotaging myself and those around me in the process. Thankfully I fixed things, and later in the week worked out where I stand. The details are private, but I'm comfortable with where I am right now. I would at this time also like to dispel any notion people might have that I am or have ever been in a relationship. That's not what's going on right now, though I suppose there was related uncertainty. Given everything else that's currently unclear, it's for the best right now. In April, I almost ended up in a relationship but didn't because circumstances made it inappropriate for each of us. I don't want to say the same thing has happened now because it hasn't, but there are some similarities from some angles. Point is, I understand and I'm happy about it.
It was the uncertainty which made me unhappy, I don't like not knowing where I stand.
I guess the same is true in all areas of my life, which brings me onto uni stuff. Yes, I've still made little progress, but I did get 2 essays back. My verdicts at the time were "car crash" and "not too bad, but hardly fantastic because of these *shows list* holes". Result? 62% and 69% respectively. Score! The pressure on me is now reduced, as I only need 60% for the 2:1 I'm going for this year. I'm still aiming for 70% for my dissertation, but that's because I want that to be fantastic and want it to reduce pressure elsewhere.
Job wise, it turns out I've not missed the deadline for the CII application - it's today, and I'll finish it today, which presents some small hope. Unfortunately I've yet to work out what I'm doing with RBS yet, my career with them will probably end in 2 weeks time. I don't know if there's much point in me maintaining it really, regardless of my lack of graduate job progress. WIth my current flat, returning to Dumfries if I don't get a grad job is still not an option I'm considering, and given how much things have changed I'd need too much training to make it worthwhile. I'll sort it Wednesday.
If I do end up staying here for the extra week, that means more time to study, sort my dissertation, and apply for jobs. Will I use the week well? No. But I'll intend to. The week after I'm in Dumfries anyway, but only for a week. Then I'm back.
Hopefully Livingston will get me work in January, if not who knows? I can spend 3 weeks on my dissertation though if I don't have anything to do on that front either way.
It's weird - I've a few things to be stressed about, but I'm actually happy instead. I'm the sort of guy who loves drama because it keeps life interesting, and I'm prepared to self sabotage to achieve that (subconsciously). If I can actually get out of the habit of doing that though, my life could be saved. I know I could have done so much more in life by now if I wasn't like that, but I'm actually not bothered - I've had some great times and those have been worth not doing work afterwards because of it. Like last year - I fucked up because I was partying instead of working, But I had some good times that I wouldn't trade because of it.
And now I think my life really could start soaring.
My confidence has received a collossal boost lately, and who knows where it might lead?
Yeah, you can tell I've been doing this entry gradually over an hour, aye?
Right, to bed, and to the start of week 2 of my 2 week plan!