Touch The Breath [Chapter 2]
Title : Touch The Breath
Pairing : Juntoshi, Sakuraiba, Maotsujun, Ohmiya (friendship)
Rating : PG-13
Genre : Angst, Drama, Romance
Disclaimer : Arashi'd never be mine ;___;
Sumarry : All this time, Ohno has been holding back his feelings, and before he knew it, he was already too late. Jun had made a decision, and there was nothing Ohno could do to change his mind, or so he thought. But was it really too late?
A/N : THIS UPDATE IS SO LATE. The problem is not with a writer's block or something (it did happened but just for awhile tho) but mostly because the weather is so cruel and i caught a nasty cold that last for weeks and it makes me feeling so lazy... even now my throat is still hurts so i just watched arashi and snuggles under my blanket all day *sobs* I really am sorry for those who wait for this as if, addie sobs but here it is! This chapter is unbetaed so pls forgive for any mistakes! Comments will be loved!
Ohno thought of going back and closing the door of the green room because he was so not ready for this.
“Good morning, Leader.”
Yes, he wasn’t ready to face Jun and his soft smile so early in the morning. But even when he was thinking like that, Ohno found himself smiling back at the youngest member, slowly closing the door behind him as he walked inside the green room with so much confidence he didn’t knew he was having - a fake confidence that made him glad for simply, exist. He put his bag carelessly on the sofa with an audible ‘thud’ and then he was about to make himself comfy there, away from Jun that was currently sitting on the table with a magazine spread out in front of him. But Jun looked disappointed, perhaps thinking that Ohno was putting some distance between them because of his plan to marry Mao - he really did, but he most definitely didn’t want Jun to know that. Sighing inwardly because he really loved him too much, Ohno moved to take a seat beside Jun, nudging him gently on the waist as he whispered a simple, “Hey.”
“Hey.” Jun whispered back, and then he giggled, perhaps thinking that it was some kind of game. Ohno smiled to his childish antics, feeling his anxiousness wears off a bit as he leaned back on the chair. “How are you, Leader?” Jun suddenly asked as he tilted his head to the side to see Ohno better.
“I’m fine.” Ohno mumbled, eyes staring down at his short-clipped nails. “You?”
“I’m fine.” Jun replied. “But are we fine?”
Ohno frowned at the question. “Of course. Why aren’t we?”
“I don’t know… But I’m just afraid. I can’t stop thinking that I might be doing something wrong last night, in the bar - well, I mostly did, since I left you behind, and I’m so sorry for that.” Jun said without stopping, almost like a dam inside him has been broken, and Ohno could only stare at him blankly. “I just…don’t want to make you think that you have to agree on this…on my marriage - you don’t have to, really. Like I said, I -“
“Jun.” Ohno cut him off - he forced a smile to his face to make sure that it was okay, but mostly it was because Ohno didn’t want to talk about it anymore and then being reminded of what had happened last night, of how awful he felt last night. It was such a hard task to pull himself together for work today - and if he could, he didn’t want to break down and losing all his composure in front of them. “It’s okay.” He said, making sure that his voice wasn’t trembling. “It’s okay, really. If that makes you happy…” Ohno reached out for Jun’s hands, returning his gesture from last night, and he gave him a light squeeze. “Then it’s okay.”
Jun was silent, like he was thinking deeply of something, but he squeezed Ohno’s hand back, and for a moment they said nothing. Ohno let Jun have his moment of thinking whatever it was that he was thinking, but sadly, he was the one who broke it himself because he couldn’t help but catch a glimpse of the magazine that Jun had read before - and if Ohno’s sight hasn’t failed him, the page definitely showed various kinds of wedding dresses. “Jun-kun, what magazine is that?”
It took awhile before Jun’s attention was back at him, and it took a few blinking before Jun finally responded to his question. “Oh…this is… Well…” Jun pushed the magazine to him, but it was clear enough that Jun was unwilling to let him see. But Ohno took it anyway, and he was right - it was a wedding magazine, full of various kinds of wedding dresses and tuxedos. “Mao told me to choose.” Jun added quickly, even when Ohno didn’t ask him. “And she won’t stop bugging me for it since last night, so…”
Ohno hummed; he pulled his hand away from Jun’s grasp then, only to browse through the page slowly, admiring how beautiful the dresses were. “She’d looked pretty in all of this.” He commented, realizing how true his words were, but still, it left such a bitter aftertaste on his mouth. Jun said nothing, but he had a frown on his face now, for reason that Ohno didn’t know what. He continued browsing through the pages aimlessly and only stopped when he saw it - the perfect dress that she definitely has to wear. The dress in the smooth page on his hands was the one that looked exactly like the one she wore on the wedding scene in the drama they did together - and if they were going to get married, then why didn’t they just go ahead and reenacted the scene then?
But even as Ohno thought that way, he couldn’t help but feeling sad about it, especially when he showed it to Jun with a smile - a smile that he has practiced over and over again to hide how he was really feel at the moment. “She should wear this.” He said softly, careful so his voice wouldn’t break. “It’s…perfect.”
Jun stared at the page, but he still said nothing, even though Ohno knew that Jun must have realized how much that wedding dress resembled the one she wore in drama. “It’s like the one she wore in the drame you guys did together.” Ohno said then, because Jun was still quiet, and it made him feeling uneasy. “I mean, you guys are going to get married anyway, and I’m sure that a lot of our fans - a lot of your fans - are going to be happy if you reenacted the scene! I’ll even throw the flowers for you, if you want -“
“I don’t want you to.” Jun finally reacted to his lousy joke, and if anything, he looked annoyed. “I don’t want you to do such thing.”
“Oh…okay. I’m just…well…” Ohno looked down, back to the magazine, unsure on what to do or say anymore. “Sorry.”
Jun sighed - he took the magazine from Ohno’s hands without much resistance, and Ohno watched him putting it back into his bag, zipping it and making Ohno couldn’t see it anymore. “Look, Leader.” He started tentatively, and Ohno straightened the way he sat to show him that he’d listen. “It’s true that you’re the only one here that knows about my plan to marry her, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that we have to be always talking about it when you’re not comfortable with it.”
“I’m not…” Ohno trailed off. He had wanted to deny it, despite how true Jun’s words were, but Jun had looked at him straight in the eyes, almost like begging him to don’t deny it, and Ohno finally found himself nodding meekly to his words. “I’m sorry.” Ohno said, his gaze turned to his hands that were laying on his laps now. “You’re right; I don’t feel comfortable talking about it… Maybe because… I don’t know, the thought of you being married is just -“
Heartbreaking for me.
“Our youngest member is getting married.” Ohno settled with that instead. “And marriage…even though I know you’ll still be with us, I can’t help but feeling that you’re going to go away.”
“I see…” That was all that Jun offered, and they fell into another silence. Ohno kept his gaze settled on his hands, unable to move because he knew Jun still had his gaze on him, and it made him anxious. But he was getting tired, and his neck was starting to get hurt, and so he took a peek. “Jun-kun…?”
“I’ll still be there for you, you know.” Jun said instead, and his hand reached out. For a moment Ohno thought Jun was going to place it on his shoulder, or maybe he was going to ruffle his hair, like the usual. But to his surprise, Jun’s fingers caressed his cheek softly, and Ohno could felt his heart leapt to his throat at the soft touch, could felt his face burning just with something so simple like that. “Even if I’m married, I’ll still be there for you.”
The fingers were still there, on his cheek, cupping it while the thumb was caressing his cheek softly; it was ticklish but gentle and -
No. No, he can’t take it anymore.
He heard footsteps getting closer, and Ohno thank God for whoever it was that was coming their way because it gave him strength to pull away briskly, almost as if Jun’s touch was burning, and without offering any reason to the surprised Jun, Ohno strode towards the door. It turned out that it was Aiba that had arrived at the green room, and before Aiba could even say something like a simple greeting or such, Ohno grabbed on his hand, “Aiba-chan, please come with me to the toilet!”
“HUH?” In any other occasion, Ohno would’ve laugh out loud with how Aiba reacted, but right now he couldn’t think of anything but to drag the taller man to the toilet with him. After a few seconds of struggling, Aiba finally gave in, and they both hurried off to the toilet, though Aiba wouldn’t stop asking him questions like “What the hell is happening here?”
Ohno didn’t know either - he just wanted to get away from Jun.
Once they were in the toilet, away and safe from Jun, Ohno finally let go of Aiba’s hand - the taller man sulked as he pulled his hand away, rubbing it gently and making Ohno feel bad for pulling him so hard, but when he was about to apologize, Aiba stared at him and said, “Leader, are you sick? Your face is red!”
If possible, Ohno could feel it getting redder the moment Aiba asked him; he put his hand on Ohno’s forehead then, checking his temperature, and mumbling that Ohno felt warm against his skin. “Are you not feeling well, Leader? Do you want to go home?”
“No, I’m fine…” Ohno muttered as he pulled away from Aiba to turn towards the sink. “I’m just…a little dizzy.”
“Do you want me to get something for you?” Aiba asked worriedly. “How about some hot tea? Maybe an aspirin?”
“That’d be great.” Aiba nodded and told him that he should wait there for him before leaving; once the younger man was gone, Ohno splashed some cold water to his face, trying to calm himself down.
‘Calm down’, he told himself over and over again. It wasn’t like Jun was doing that because he like Ohno or anything - Jun was just being kind, and Ohno appreciated him for saying that he would always be there for Ohno too.
Jun was just being kind, and that was just it.
But that wasn’t fair, was it? Ohno was struggling so hard to pull himself together and he found himself crumbling just because of a simple touch. He was so weak, and Ohno loathed himself for that. What good would it be if he had his hope up again? Jun’d still get married anyway, and then Ohno’d have to deal with his feelings like last night, thanks to his stupidity.
So this really needs to stop.
Ohno splashed his face with cold water once more before turning the tap off; he stared at his own face in the mirror, and he took a deep breath. “It’s okay.” He whispered to himself. “You can do it.”
After that, he went on like nothing had happened; he went back to the green room and he greeted everyone there, and then he happily snuggled with Nino - who had arrived once he was back from the restroom - in the sofa, paying no attention to Jun or anyone else as he closed his eyes.
Nino had nudged him a bit, whispering “What happened?” to his ears to hear only, but Ohno shook his head determinedly, not wanting Nino to know for now, at least until Jun had decided to tell the others about his plan to marry Mao. So he pushed further to Nino, hiding himself on Nino’s chest, silently begging him to help hiding how he feels from the others, and Nino gently draped his arm across Ohno’s in quiet understanding, something that Ohno couldn’t thank him enough.
“Thank you, Kazu.”
***
Jun had already planned how to spend his night, and it definitely didn’t include his girlfriend, let alone his girlfriend’s mother and his mother.
So really, Jun couldn’t quite grasped why was it that the moment he arrived home, his home was filled with high-pitched chatter about something that Jun didn’t even bother to comprehend - he stood there in the hallway, eyes staring blankly at his living room where three women were all gathered like they were having a tea party.
Or maybe that’s why they were here - Jun did saw the expensive tea set that Mao had bought being used in the coffee table after all.
Deciding that it’d be much better if he didn’t get himself caught up with their mindless chatter, Jun moved quietly towards his room; sadly for him, his girlfriend was far more sensitive to her surrounding than he’d like her to be, and just when he started taking a few steps towards his room, he could heard her calling him, “Welcome home, Jun!”
Damn it.
Jun turned around, and he saw six pairs of sparkling eyes looking back at him - those eyes made him felt uneasy, like they wanted something from him and Jun didn’t even want to think what it was that they wanted. “Good evening.” He greeted politely.
“Ah, Jun-kun, come here!” His mother called happily as she patted the empty seat beside her. Jun had wanted to deny, maybe making various reasons like he was tired or something, but his mother’s eyes had a warning glint on it, and Jun finally walked towards them, although he wasn’t feeling up for it. He sat beside his mother, and once again, charmed his way around Mao’s mother with his smile, “It’s unusual for you all to gather here… That makes me happy.”
“What are you talking about, Jun-kun! If anything, I’m the happiest one here.” Mao’s mother suddenly said, and thanks to that, Jun couldn’t help but raising his eyebrows; he stole a glance at his girlfriend, but she wasn’t looking at him - she was busy smiling bashfully at her own tea cup.
“We’ve heard about it, you know!” His mother chirped in. “Mao have told us about everything.”
Jun put all the pieces of information together in his head, and then he finally realized what exactly they were talking about. “You mean…about the marriage?”
“Exactly!” Her mother squealed happily, and so did Mao’s mother, and if anything, it seems like his girlfriend only sunk further into the sofa in embarrassment. “We’ve heard from her that you’ve finally thinking about marriage, and that Ohno-kun had agreed to help talking it out!”
Great. Just great.
“And so, we’re here to help you plan your marriage! Mao-chan said that you guys haven’t planned anything, not even the dress, and we should start now because it could take a very long time to make, so we bought lots of dresses example here - “
“Wait a minute; I think there’s some misunderstanding here.” Jun cut his mother’s off, although he tried doing it in the most polite way possible, in hope that he didn’t anger her mother - she could be really scary after all. “I did say that we are going to get married, and it’s true that Ohno-san has agreed to help, but even so I haven’t told the other members, and there’s still a possibility that they wouldn’t accept it.”
“But why wouldn’t they?” His mother asked, and to be honest, Jun couldn’t really answer that either. He didn’t see why they wouldn’t accept the fact that he was going to get married, especially when Ohno already agreed to it - even though Ohno looked unreliable, his words could easily influence others, and that was the case too with the members.
The only one that’d probably go against it - no, the one who’d definitely against it - was Nino.
Jun knew how much Nino hated the fact that he was dating Mao; he was the only one that didn’t congratulate him when Jun announced that he had dated her. They were even arguing at that time, because Nino said that he couldn’t see it being other than ‘going along with the media’, and Jun had insisted that it was nothing like that - he and Mao get along well; she’s pretty, and nice, and Jun really like her, so he didn’t see what was the problem with Nino. But Nino had been - and maybe still - angry about it, stomping out of the room and stopped talking to Jun for a few days before Ohno finally managed to coo him into making peace with Jun again.
And Jun realized that this time, it’d be like that all over again - he’d have to rely on Ohno again, and the thought didn’t pleased him because he didn’t want to put much of a burden on him. He could see how much it made Ohno uncomfortable, and beside, Jun was sure that their problem wouldn’t be over with just talking to the other members - Jun would also need Ohno’s help while talking to the higher-ups. So really, if there was anything he could do by himself, he’d be willing to do it, and if that means that he’d have to face Nino’s wrath, then so be it.
And there was always a possibility of their marriage being rejected by the higher-ups after all, so…
Because Jun was quiet for awhile, maybe his mother think that he couldn’t answer that - which was true, but mostly because Jun didn’t want to talk about Nino here - and so she waved her hand in dismissal. “You’re worrying too much.” His mother said. “And if anything happened, at least you can rely on your leader, right?”
“But I don’t want to burden him that much.” Jun mumbled, but it was as if his words fell to deaf ears, because none of them responded to it, and they move along with their talk about the dresses. Jun was only half-listened to everything, making comments whenever he thought it was necessary, before he finally excused himself with the reason of being tired. He took his time bathing and all, hoping that when he was done, they’d have left already.
Thankfully, they did. When he got out from the bathroom, he could only find his girlfriend washing the tea set in the kitchen. Jun didn’t bother asking though, because he was feeling a little bit irritated with the fact that she had told their mothers without asking him first.
“Jun.” Mao called him when he was about to move to his room. Sighing slightly, Jun turned around to face her, but he said nothing at all. “I’m sorry, are you angry at me?”
“I’m not angry, but I wish that you’ve asked me first.” Jun replied curtly - he didn’t want it to come out like that, but he couldn’t help it; he was feeling like such a mess today. “I told you before that I’ve told Leader only, and that I haven’t told the others. What if they didn’t agree with this? That’d just make both of our parents disappointed.”
“I know… I’m sorry; I’m just really excited about it.” His girlfriend said sadly. “But I thought…well, with Leader had agreed and all, he could, you know, help persuading the others?”
“He’d help me talk to them, but I don’t want to burden him more than that. And besides, I have no intention of forcing them to agree with me.” Turning away from her, and realizing that he had hurt her but too tired to care anyway, Jun finally made his way back to his room again. “Goodnight, Mao.”
“Goodnight.” Came his girlfriend sad’s reply. Jun closed the door behind him and he throw himself to the bed, burying himself in the soft pillows all over him and forcing himself to sleep to just forget about everything that had happened today. Today was such a mess, what with Mao telling their mothers and also because Ohno was acting weird.
Jun had feared that Ohno’d put some distance between them when he told him about his plan to marry her. And just today, he really did - he pulled away so suddenly from Jun and ran away after all, and for the rest of the day he was always snuggled beside Nino. While the fact that Ohno did acted weird made him sad, Jun was feeling annoyed too that Ohno wouldn’t leave without Nino by his side.
Almost as if they were going out.
Wait, was that - Jun shook his head as he groaned into the pillows. His mind was really in a jumble now - there was no way Ohno and Nino were going out.
But…
“Argh, whatever!” He pulled the bedcover all the way until it reached his chin, and then he turned the lamp on the nightstand off, forcing himself to sleep soon because he did have works to do tomorrow.
In his half-asleep state, he heard the front door being closed, and he realized that his girlfriend has left. After taking a mental note to go apologize to her tomorrow, sleep finally claimed him.
***
Something was going on.
It didn’t even take a genius to figure it out - Nino knew that something was going on between Jun and Ohno.
Otherwise, Ohno wouldn’t be so clingy to him, and Jun wouldn’t be so jumpy either.
It has been almost a week, and Nino, being an observant person he was, couldn’t help but notice how tense the two act when they were around each other. All was well when they were filming - Jun was rarely being touchy or chatty with Ohno in front of the camera after all, so the lack of it would definitely went unnoticed by the outsiders. But really, outside of the filming, Ohno wass undoubtedly tiptoeing his way around Jun, while Jun seemed like he was about to pull his hair out in frustration.
Of what, Nino didn’t know, but he was eager to find out.
He knew that maybe he shouldn’t pry - but Ohno was getting way too clingy to him, and Nino knew it was because Ohno needed someone, but everytime Nino asked him what’s wrong, Ohno’d looked like he’d going to cry, and he ended up zipping his lips, curling himself into a ball against Nino in hope that Nino wouldn’t ask anymore. And Nino didn’t, of course - how could he when Ohno was being so fragile? But it broke his heart to see Ohno struggling to keep it as a secret from him, and he vowed to himself if Jun was the cause, he’d definitely teach him a lesson. At first, he didn’t notice that it was thanks to Jun - Ohno had said that he was having a headache after all, and it wasn’t unusual for him to get extra clingy whenever he was sick.
But then he finally noticed - and it was because when both Ohno and Jun accidentally brushed their hands together when taking their bento, Ohno quickly pulled away like it had burned, and Jun had the deepest frown one could’ve had on his face. And after that, Nino has been taking drops of hints here and there- like how Ohno’d definitely pretended to be asleep when Jun came to the green room, or how Ohno pulled Nino to the restroom when Jun was calling out for him.
It was so fuckin’ obvious, and it made Nino itched to find out ‘why’.
But he didn’t want to ask Jun either; he had consulted Sho on how he should approached this problem, and Sho had told him to ask Jun, but Nino didn’t want to because, well, he had his ego. And Jun haven’t properly apologized to him so no, he won’t ask him. He has been thinking of asking Jun’s girlfriend either, because maybe Jun had told her about his little problem with Ohno, but he dismissed the thought right after he thought about it, thinking that it wasn’t even worth a try.
So he got no one but himself to count on, and Nino was eager because he has always wanted to try and act likes a detective.
So, the first thing he did was arriving early on the green room first - or so he had wanted it to be. But Jun beat him to it, much to his dismay, and when he walked inside the green room, Jun was looking back at him like a deer in a spotlight; he quickly shoved whatever it was he was reading into his bag and zipping it shut, away from Nino’s stare. “Ah, morning Nino.” Jun said, flustered. “You’re early today.”
Suspicious. “Yeah, I woke up earlier than usual.” He mumbled. He walked to the sofa and settled himself there, opening his DS and playing without a care to the world, though he was fully aware that Jun’s eyes were fixed on him. After a while, Jun finally gave up, and he played with his phone silently - the air hung heavily around them until finally Aiba and Sho arrived, and lastly Ohno, and Nino lifted his hands to let Ohno snuggled to him while he was still playing a game.
But really, his mind was already plotting something.
Ohno sensed it; he wondered how could that man noticed everything, because then the older man looked up at him sleepily and asked, “Nino, you seemed like you’re…excited.”
“Oh.” Nino had said nonchalantly, even though the gears in his head kept on turning and turning, almost overheating. “I am.”
Thankfully, Ohno didn’t ask. He seemed satisfied enough that Nino was happy, and he resumed his sleep, which Nino was thankful for.
‘Don’t worry, Oh-chan. I’ll definitely figure out what’s wrong and I’ll help you out!’
With his mind set, Nino went back as early as he could after the filming ended - he made sure that everyone was still busy enough with staffs, and even Ohno was engaged in a conversation with the guest - before he slipped away from the crowd, running to their green room and slamming the door shut. Without thinking much, he quickly grabbed on Jun’s bag, determined to find what it was that he was hiding.
Must be something important, Nino thought as he unzipped the bag; if it was just porn or such, Jun wouldn’t even bother to hide it - they shared porn before with each other after all. And if it was a schedule, or a script, he wouldn’t bother to hide it either.
So really, what is it -
Nino pulled the book out, and he stared at the cover for awhile in confusion.
What’s this fashion bridal magazine doing here?
Nino opened it and browsed through the page - there was nothing in it either but tons of wedding dresses with lots of frills that made his eyes hurts.
But why would he have this?
“Kazu.” Nino turned around, and there, standing in the doorframe with face as white as a tissue, Ohno called out to him in a whisper. “Kazu, what are you doing?”
Nino stared at him - he stared, and then slowly, a thought started forming in his head.
A thought that made him trembled with rage just by thinking about it.
“Kazu, put it back!” Ohno suddenly said in a panic; the older man rushed over him and tried to take the magazine away from him, but Nino pulled away in time, determined not to listen to Ohno this time. “Kazu, please! You aren’t supposed to see it -“
“Oh, really?” His voice surprised himself, really - it was so monotone, so flat, almost like holding no emotion behind it at all even though inside, Nino was ready to explode. “Then when am I supposed to be able to see this?”
“That’s…” Ohno fidgeted around, eyes fixed to the ground in fear. “Kazu…”
“Call him.” Nino told him. “Now.”
Ohno looked like he was about to object, but he finally gave in and he left, only to come back a few minutes later with the whole team - Ohno went inside first, quickly settling beside Nino and tugging on his shirt, whispering something that Nino didn’t even care to understand now. Sho came in, and then Aiba; they were staring at Nino and knowing that something was going to happen. And then finally, Jun came in.
The moment their eyes met, and the moment Jun realized what was it that was on Nino’s hands, Jun had an ‘I wish I were dead’ look on his face. At any moment, it’d give Nino satisfaction for being able to trigger such an expression on Jun’s stoic face.
But not now. Not today.
Raising the magazine up in the air for everyone to see, and holding back his voice so he wouldn’t break into a screaming-monster right from the beginning, Nino finally opened his mouth.
“Matsumoto-san, what is this thing?”
Chapter 1 | Chapter 3
Pairing : Juntoshi, Sakuraiba, Maotsujun, Ohmiya (friendship)
Rating : PG-13
Genre : Angst, Drama, Romance
Disclaimer : Arashi'd never be mine ;___;
Sumarry : All this time, Ohno has been holding back his feelings, and before he knew it, he was already too late. Jun had made a decision, and there was nothing Ohno could do to change his mind, or so he thought. But was it really too late?
A/N : THIS UPDATE IS SO LATE. The problem is not with a writer's block or something (it did happened but just for awhile tho) but mostly because the weather is so cruel and i caught a nasty cold that last for weeks and it makes me feeling so lazy... even now my throat is still hurts so i just watched arashi and snuggles under my blanket all day *sobs* I really am sorry for those who wait for this as if, addie sobs but here it is! This chapter is unbetaed so pls forgive for any mistakes! Comments will be loved!
Ohno thought of going back and closing the door of the green room because he was so not ready for this.
“Good morning, Leader.”
Yes, he wasn’t ready to face Jun and his soft smile so early in the morning. But even when he was thinking like that, Ohno found himself smiling back at the youngest member, slowly closing the door behind him as he walked inside the green room with so much confidence he didn’t knew he was having - a fake confidence that made him glad for simply, exist. He put his bag carelessly on the sofa with an audible ‘thud’ and then he was about to make himself comfy there, away from Jun that was currently sitting on the table with a magazine spread out in front of him. But Jun looked disappointed, perhaps thinking that Ohno was putting some distance between them because of his plan to marry Mao - he really did, but he most definitely didn’t want Jun to know that. Sighing inwardly because he really loved him too much, Ohno moved to take a seat beside Jun, nudging him gently on the waist as he whispered a simple, “Hey.”
“Hey.” Jun whispered back, and then he giggled, perhaps thinking that it was some kind of game. Ohno smiled to his childish antics, feeling his anxiousness wears off a bit as he leaned back on the chair. “How are you, Leader?” Jun suddenly asked as he tilted his head to the side to see Ohno better.
“I’m fine.” Ohno mumbled, eyes staring down at his short-clipped nails. “You?”
“I’m fine.” Jun replied. “But are we fine?”
Ohno frowned at the question. “Of course. Why aren’t we?”
“I don’t know… But I’m just afraid. I can’t stop thinking that I might be doing something wrong last night, in the bar - well, I mostly did, since I left you behind, and I’m so sorry for that.” Jun said without stopping, almost like a dam inside him has been broken, and Ohno could only stare at him blankly. “I just…don’t want to make you think that you have to agree on this…on my marriage - you don’t have to, really. Like I said, I -“
“Jun.” Ohno cut him off - he forced a smile to his face to make sure that it was okay, but mostly it was because Ohno didn’t want to talk about it anymore and then being reminded of what had happened last night, of how awful he felt last night. It was such a hard task to pull himself together for work today - and if he could, he didn’t want to break down and losing all his composure in front of them. “It’s okay.” He said, making sure that his voice wasn’t trembling. “It’s okay, really. If that makes you happy…” Ohno reached out for Jun’s hands, returning his gesture from last night, and he gave him a light squeeze. “Then it’s okay.”
Jun was silent, like he was thinking deeply of something, but he squeezed Ohno’s hand back, and for a moment they said nothing. Ohno let Jun have his moment of thinking whatever it was that he was thinking, but sadly, he was the one who broke it himself because he couldn’t help but catch a glimpse of the magazine that Jun had read before - and if Ohno’s sight hasn’t failed him, the page definitely showed various kinds of wedding dresses. “Jun-kun, what magazine is that?”
It took awhile before Jun’s attention was back at him, and it took a few blinking before Jun finally responded to his question. “Oh…this is… Well…” Jun pushed the magazine to him, but it was clear enough that Jun was unwilling to let him see. But Ohno took it anyway, and he was right - it was a wedding magazine, full of various kinds of wedding dresses and tuxedos. “Mao told me to choose.” Jun added quickly, even when Ohno didn’t ask him. “And she won’t stop bugging me for it since last night, so…”
Ohno hummed; he pulled his hand away from Jun’s grasp then, only to browse through the page slowly, admiring how beautiful the dresses were. “She’d looked pretty in all of this.” He commented, realizing how true his words were, but still, it left such a bitter aftertaste on his mouth. Jun said nothing, but he had a frown on his face now, for reason that Ohno didn’t know what. He continued browsing through the pages aimlessly and only stopped when he saw it - the perfect dress that she definitely has to wear. The dress in the smooth page on his hands was the one that looked exactly like the one she wore on the wedding scene in the drama they did together - and if they were going to get married, then why didn’t they just go ahead and reenacted the scene then?
But even as Ohno thought that way, he couldn’t help but feeling sad about it, especially when he showed it to Jun with a smile - a smile that he has practiced over and over again to hide how he was really feel at the moment. “She should wear this.” He said softly, careful so his voice wouldn’t break. “It’s…perfect.”
Jun stared at the page, but he still said nothing, even though Ohno knew that Jun must have realized how much that wedding dress resembled the one she wore in drama. “It’s like the one she wore in the drame you guys did together.” Ohno said then, because Jun was still quiet, and it made him feeling uneasy. “I mean, you guys are going to get married anyway, and I’m sure that a lot of our fans - a lot of your fans - are going to be happy if you reenacted the scene! I’ll even throw the flowers for you, if you want -“
“I don’t want you to.” Jun finally reacted to his lousy joke, and if anything, he looked annoyed. “I don’t want you to do such thing.”
“Oh…okay. I’m just…well…” Ohno looked down, back to the magazine, unsure on what to do or say anymore. “Sorry.”
Jun sighed - he took the magazine from Ohno’s hands without much resistance, and Ohno watched him putting it back into his bag, zipping it and making Ohno couldn’t see it anymore. “Look, Leader.” He started tentatively, and Ohno straightened the way he sat to show him that he’d listen. “It’s true that you’re the only one here that knows about my plan to marry her, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that we have to be always talking about it when you’re not comfortable with it.”
“I’m not…” Ohno trailed off. He had wanted to deny it, despite how true Jun’s words were, but Jun had looked at him straight in the eyes, almost like begging him to don’t deny it, and Ohno finally found himself nodding meekly to his words. “I’m sorry.” Ohno said, his gaze turned to his hands that were laying on his laps now. “You’re right; I don’t feel comfortable talking about it… Maybe because… I don’t know, the thought of you being married is just -“
Heartbreaking for me.
“Our youngest member is getting married.” Ohno settled with that instead. “And marriage…even though I know you’ll still be with us, I can’t help but feeling that you’re going to go away.”
“I see…” That was all that Jun offered, and they fell into another silence. Ohno kept his gaze settled on his hands, unable to move because he knew Jun still had his gaze on him, and it made him anxious. But he was getting tired, and his neck was starting to get hurt, and so he took a peek. “Jun-kun…?”
“I’ll still be there for you, you know.” Jun said instead, and his hand reached out. For a moment Ohno thought Jun was going to place it on his shoulder, or maybe he was going to ruffle his hair, like the usual. But to his surprise, Jun’s fingers caressed his cheek softly, and Ohno could felt his heart leapt to his throat at the soft touch, could felt his face burning just with something so simple like that. “Even if I’m married, I’ll still be there for you.”
The fingers were still there, on his cheek, cupping it while the thumb was caressing his cheek softly; it was ticklish but gentle and -
No. No, he can’t take it anymore.
He heard footsteps getting closer, and Ohno thank God for whoever it was that was coming their way because it gave him strength to pull away briskly, almost as if Jun’s touch was burning, and without offering any reason to the surprised Jun, Ohno strode towards the door. It turned out that it was Aiba that had arrived at the green room, and before Aiba could even say something like a simple greeting or such, Ohno grabbed on his hand, “Aiba-chan, please come with me to the toilet!”
“HUH?” In any other occasion, Ohno would’ve laugh out loud with how Aiba reacted, but right now he couldn’t think of anything but to drag the taller man to the toilet with him. After a few seconds of struggling, Aiba finally gave in, and they both hurried off to the toilet, though Aiba wouldn’t stop asking him questions like “What the hell is happening here?”
Ohno didn’t know either - he just wanted to get away from Jun.
Once they were in the toilet, away and safe from Jun, Ohno finally let go of Aiba’s hand - the taller man sulked as he pulled his hand away, rubbing it gently and making Ohno feel bad for pulling him so hard, but when he was about to apologize, Aiba stared at him and said, “Leader, are you sick? Your face is red!”
If possible, Ohno could feel it getting redder the moment Aiba asked him; he put his hand on Ohno’s forehead then, checking his temperature, and mumbling that Ohno felt warm against his skin. “Are you not feeling well, Leader? Do you want to go home?”
“No, I’m fine…” Ohno muttered as he pulled away from Aiba to turn towards the sink. “I’m just…a little dizzy.”
“Do you want me to get something for you?” Aiba asked worriedly. “How about some hot tea? Maybe an aspirin?”
“That’d be great.” Aiba nodded and told him that he should wait there for him before leaving; once the younger man was gone, Ohno splashed some cold water to his face, trying to calm himself down.
‘Calm down’, he told himself over and over again. It wasn’t like Jun was doing that because he like Ohno or anything - Jun was just being kind, and Ohno appreciated him for saying that he would always be there for Ohno too.
Jun was just being kind, and that was just it.
But that wasn’t fair, was it? Ohno was struggling so hard to pull himself together and he found himself crumbling just because of a simple touch. He was so weak, and Ohno loathed himself for that. What good would it be if he had his hope up again? Jun’d still get married anyway, and then Ohno’d have to deal with his feelings like last night, thanks to his stupidity.
So this really needs to stop.
Ohno splashed his face with cold water once more before turning the tap off; he stared at his own face in the mirror, and he took a deep breath. “It’s okay.” He whispered to himself. “You can do it.”
After that, he went on like nothing had happened; he went back to the green room and he greeted everyone there, and then he happily snuggled with Nino - who had arrived once he was back from the restroom - in the sofa, paying no attention to Jun or anyone else as he closed his eyes.
Nino had nudged him a bit, whispering “What happened?” to his ears to hear only, but Ohno shook his head determinedly, not wanting Nino to know for now, at least until Jun had decided to tell the others about his plan to marry Mao. So he pushed further to Nino, hiding himself on Nino’s chest, silently begging him to help hiding how he feels from the others, and Nino gently draped his arm across Ohno’s in quiet understanding, something that Ohno couldn’t thank him enough.
“Thank you, Kazu.”
***
Jun had already planned how to spend his night, and it definitely didn’t include his girlfriend, let alone his girlfriend’s mother and his mother.
So really, Jun couldn’t quite grasped why was it that the moment he arrived home, his home was filled with high-pitched chatter about something that Jun didn’t even bother to comprehend - he stood there in the hallway, eyes staring blankly at his living room where three women were all gathered like they were having a tea party.
Or maybe that’s why they were here - Jun did saw the expensive tea set that Mao had bought being used in the coffee table after all.
Deciding that it’d be much better if he didn’t get himself caught up with their mindless chatter, Jun moved quietly towards his room; sadly for him, his girlfriend was far more sensitive to her surrounding than he’d like her to be, and just when he started taking a few steps towards his room, he could heard her calling him, “Welcome home, Jun!”
Damn it.
Jun turned around, and he saw six pairs of sparkling eyes looking back at him - those eyes made him felt uneasy, like they wanted something from him and Jun didn’t even want to think what it was that they wanted. “Good evening.” He greeted politely.
“Ah, Jun-kun, come here!” His mother called happily as she patted the empty seat beside her. Jun had wanted to deny, maybe making various reasons like he was tired or something, but his mother’s eyes had a warning glint on it, and Jun finally walked towards them, although he wasn’t feeling up for it. He sat beside his mother, and once again, charmed his way around Mao’s mother with his smile, “It’s unusual for you all to gather here… That makes me happy.”
“What are you talking about, Jun-kun! If anything, I’m the happiest one here.” Mao’s mother suddenly said, and thanks to that, Jun couldn’t help but raising his eyebrows; he stole a glance at his girlfriend, but she wasn’t looking at him - she was busy smiling bashfully at her own tea cup.
“We’ve heard about it, you know!” His mother chirped in. “Mao have told us about everything.”
Jun put all the pieces of information together in his head, and then he finally realized what exactly they were talking about. “You mean…about the marriage?”
“Exactly!” Her mother squealed happily, and so did Mao’s mother, and if anything, it seems like his girlfriend only sunk further into the sofa in embarrassment. “We’ve heard from her that you’ve finally thinking about marriage, and that Ohno-kun had agreed to help talking it out!”
Great. Just great.
“And so, we’re here to help you plan your marriage! Mao-chan said that you guys haven’t planned anything, not even the dress, and we should start now because it could take a very long time to make, so we bought lots of dresses example here - “
“Wait a minute; I think there’s some misunderstanding here.” Jun cut his mother’s off, although he tried doing it in the most polite way possible, in hope that he didn’t anger her mother - she could be really scary after all. “I did say that we are going to get married, and it’s true that Ohno-san has agreed to help, but even so I haven’t told the other members, and there’s still a possibility that they wouldn’t accept it.”
“But why wouldn’t they?” His mother asked, and to be honest, Jun couldn’t really answer that either. He didn’t see why they wouldn’t accept the fact that he was going to get married, especially when Ohno already agreed to it - even though Ohno looked unreliable, his words could easily influence others, and that was the case too with the members.
The only one that’d probably go against it - no, the one who’d definitely against it - was Nino.
Jun knew how much Nino hated the fact that he was dating Mao; he was the only one that didn’t congratulate him when Jun announced that he had dated her. They were even arguing at that time, because Nino said that he couldn’t see it being other than ‘going along with the media’, and Jun had insisted that it was nothing like that - he and Mao get along well; she’s pretty, and nice, and Jun really like her, so he didn’t see what was the problem with Nino. But Nino had been - and maybe still - angry about it, stomping out of the room and stopped talking to Jun for a few days before Ohno finally managed to coo him into making peace with Jun again.
And Jun realized that this time, it’d be like that all over again - he’d have to rely on Ohno again, and the thought didn’t pleased him because he didn’t want to put much of a burden on him. He could see how much it made Ohno uncomfortable, and beside, Jun was sure that their problem wouldn’t be over with just talking to the other members - Jun would also need Ohno’s help while talking to the higher-ups. So really, if there was anything he could do by himself, he’d be willing to do it, and if that means that he’d have to face Nino’s wrath, then so be it.
And there was always a possibility of their marriage being rejected by the higher-ups after all, so…
Because Jun was quiet for awhile, maybe his mother think that he couldn’t answer that - which was true, but mostly because Jun didn’t want to talk about Nino here - and so she waved her hand in dismissal. “You’re worrying too much.” His mother said. “And if anything happened, at least you can rely on your leader, right?”
“But I don’t want to burden him that much.” Jun mumbled, but it was as if his words fell to deaf ears, because none of them responded to it, and they move along with their talk about the dresses. Jun was only half-listened to everything, making comments whenever he thought it was necessary, before he finally excused himself with the reason of being tired. He took his time bathing and all, hoping that when he was done, they’d have left already.
Thankfully, they did. When he got out from the bathroom, he could only find his girlfriend washing the tea set in the kitchen. Jun didn’t bother asking though, because he was feeling a little bit irritated with the fact that she had told their mothers without asking him first.
“Jun.” Mao called him when he was about to move to his room. Sighing slightly, Jun turned around to face her, but he said nothing at all. “I’m sorry, are you angry at me?”
“I’m not angry, but I wish that you’ve asked me first.” Jun replied curtly - he didn’t want it to come out like that, but he couldn’t help it; he was feeling like such a mess today. “I told you before that I’ve told Leader only, and that I haven’t told the others. What if they didn’t agree with this? That’d just make both of our parents disappointed.”
“I know… I’m sorry; I’m just really excited about it.” His girlfriend said sadly. “But I thought…well, with Leader had agreed and all, he could, you know, help persuading the others?”
“He’d help me talk to them, but I don’t want to burden him more than that. And besides, I have no intention of forcing them to agree with me.” Turning away from her, and realizing that he had hurt her but too tired to care anyway, Jun finally made his way back to his room again. “Goodnight, Mao.”
“Goodnight.” Came his girlfriend sad’s reply. Jun closed the door behind him and he throw himself to the bed, burying himself in the soft pillows all over him and forcing himself to sleep to just forget about everything that had happened today. Today was such a mess, what with Mao telling their mothers and also because Ohno was acting weird.
Jun had feared that Ohno’d put some distance between them when he told him about his plan to marry her. And just today, he really did - he pulled away so suddenly from Jun and ran away after all, and for the rest of the day he was always snuggled beside Nino. While the fact that Ohno did acted weird made him sad, Jun was feeling annoyed too that Ohno wouldn’t leave without Nino by his side.
Almost as if they were going out.
Wait, was that - Jun shook his head as he groaned into the pillows. His mind was really in a jumble now - there was no way Ohno and Nino were going out.
But…
“Argh, whatever!” He pulled the bedcover all the way until it reached his chin, and then he turned the lamp on the nightstand off, forcing himself to sleep soon because he did have works to do tomorrow.
In his half-asleep state, he heard the front door being closed, and he realized that his girlfriend has left. After taking a mental note to go apologize to her tomorrow, sleep finally claimed him.
***
Something was going on.
It didn’t even take a genius to figure it out - Nino knew that something was going on between Jun and Ohno.
Otherwise, Ohno wouldn’t be so clingy to him, and Jun wouldn’t be so jumpy either.
It has been almost a week, and Nino, being an observant person he was, couldn’t help but notice how tense the two act when they were around each other. All was well when they were filming - Jun was rarely being touchy or chatty with Ohno in front of the camera after all, so the lack of it would definitely went unnoticed by the outsiders. But really, outside of the filming, Ohno wass undoubtedly tiptoeing his way around Jun, while Jun seemed like he was about to pull his hair out in frustration.
Of what, Nino didn’t know, but he was eager to find out.
He knew that maybe he shouldn’t pry - but Ohno was getting way too clingy to him, and Nino knew it was because Ohno needed someone, but everytime Nino asked him what’s wrong, Ohno’d looked like he’d going to cry, and he ended up zipping his lips, curling himself into a ball against Nino in hope that Nino wouldn’t ask anymore. And Nino didn’t, of course - how could he when Ohno was being so fragile? But it broke his heart to see Ohno struggling to keep it as a secret from him, and he vowed to himself if Jun was the cause, he’d definitely teach him a lesson. At first, he didn’t notice that it was thanks to Jun - Ohno had said that he was having a headache after all, and it wasn’t unusual for him to get extra clingy whenever he was sick.
But then he finally noticed - and it was because when both Ohno and Jun accidentally brushed their hands together when taking their bento, Ohno quickly pulled away like it had burned, and Jun had the deepest frown one could’ve had on his face. And after that, Nino has been taking drops of hints here and there- like how Ohno’d definitely pretended to be asleep when Jun came to the green room, or how Ohno pulled Nino to the restroom when Jun was calling out for him.
It was so fuckin’ obvious, and it made Nino itched to find out ‘why’.
But he didn’t want to ask Jun either; he had consulted Sho on how he should approached this problem, and Sho had told him to ask Jun, but Nino didn’t want to because, well, he had his ego. And Jun haven’t properly apologized to him so no, he won’t ask him. He has been thinking of asking Jun’s girlfriend either, because maybe Jun had told her about his little problem with Ohno, but he dismissed the thought right after he thought about it, thinking that it wasn’t even worth a try.
So he got no one but himself to count on, and Nino was eager because he has always wanted to try and act likes a detective.
So, the first thing he did was arriving early on the green room first - or so he had wanted it to be. But Jun beat him to it, much to his dismay, and when he walked inside the green room, Jun was looking back at him like a deer in a spotlight; he quickly shoved whatever it was he was reading into his bag and zipping it shut, away from Nino’s stare. “Ah, morning Nino.” Jun said, flustered. “You’re early today.”
Suspicious. “Yeah, I woke up earlier than usual.” He mumbled. He walked to the sofa and settled himself there, opening his DS and playing without a care to the world, though he was fully aware that Jun’s eyes were fixed on him. After a while, Jun finally gave up, and he played with his phone silently - the air hung heavily around them until finally Aiba and Sho arrived, and lastly Ohno, and Nino lifted his hands to let Ohno snuggled to him while he was still playing a game.
But really, his mind was already plotting something.
Ohno sensed it; he wondered how could that man noticed everything, because then the older man looked up at him sleepily and asked, “Nino, you seemed like you’re…excited.”
“Oh.” Nino had said nonchalantly, even though the gears in his head kept on turning and turning, almost overheating. “I am.”
Thankfully, Ohno didn’t ask. He seemed satisfied enough that Nino was happy, and he resumed his sleep, which Nino was thankful for.
‘Don’t worry, Oh-chan. I’ll definitely figure out what’s wrong and I’ll help you out!’
With his mind set, Nino went back as early as he could after the filming ended - he made sure that everyone was still busy enough with staffs, and even Ohno was engaged in a conversation with the guest - before he slipped away from the crowd, running to their green room and slamming the door shut. Without thinking much, he quickly grabbed on Jun’s bag, determined to find what it was that he was hiding.
Must be something important, Nino thought as he unzipped the bag; if it was just porn or such, Jun wouldn’t even bother to hide it - they shared porn before with each other after all. And if it was a schedule, or a script, he wouldn’t bother to hide it either.
So really, what is it -
Nino pulled the book out, and he stared at the cover for awhile in confusion.
What’s this fashion bridal magazine doing here?
Nino opened it and browsed through the page - there was nothing in it either but tons of wedding dresses with lots of frills that made his eyes hurts.
But why would he have this?
“Kazu.” Nino turned around, and there, standing in the doorframe with face as white as a tissue, Ohno called out to him in a whisper. “Kazu, what are you doing?”
Nino stared at him - he stared, and then slowly, a thought started forming in his head.
A thought that made him trembled with rage just by thinking about it.
“Kazu, put it back!” Ohno suddenly said in a panic; the older man rushed over him and tried to take the magazine away from him, but Nino pulled away in time, determined not to listen to Ohno this time. “Kazu, please! You aren’t supposed to see it -“
“Oh, really?” His voice surprised himself, really - it was so monotone, so flat, almost like holding no emotion behind it at all even though inside, Nino was ready to explode. “Then when am I supposed to be able to see this?”
“That’s…” Ohno fidgeted around, eyes fixed to the ground in fear. “Kazu…”
“Call him.” Nino told him. “Now.”
Ohno looked like he was about to object, but he finally gave in and he left, only to come back a few minutes later with the whole team - Ohno went inside first, quickly settling beside Nino and tugging on his shirt, whispering something that Nino didn’t even care to understand now. Sho came in, and then Aiba; they were staring at Nino and knowing that something was going to happen. And then finally, Jun came in.
The moment their eyes met, and the moment Jun realized what was it that was on Nino’s hands, Jun had an ‘I wish I were dead’ look on his face. At any moment, it’d give Nino satisfaction for being able to trigger such an expression on Jun’s stoic face.
But not now. Not today.
Raising the magazine up in the air for everyone to see, and holding back his voice so he wouldn’t break into a screaming-monster right from the beginning, Nino finally opened his mouth.
“Matsumoto-san, what is this thing?”
Chapter 1 | Chapter 3