For FList - Ficlet - Just You OnTae/R
So... I am still trying to kill the writer's block and also as I said to min7girl I think I have a confidence block. I think everything I write lately is crap, she says it isn't so. So, I decided to do a little stream of consciousness thing. This is what came out. I hope you like it. It's kinda angsty and short.
"I'm scared, you know," Jinki says quietly. They are cuddled up together on Taemin's bed and it's an entirely out of the blue statement.
Taemin leaves off his absent stroking of his boyfriend's thigh and wriggles around until they can look at each other. "What are you scared about," he asks after a long moment of getting lost in dark eyes and the soul behind them.
"Losing you," Jinki answers, knowing it's not really an explanation. He sighs a little and blinks a few times, trying in some way to gather the nebulous fear that makes a dark cold spot in the pit of his stomach so that he can put it into better words.
Taemin bites his lip and doesn't tell Jinki he's crazy, even though the words are right there on the tip of his tongue. He loved the older boy for ages and ages before Jinki even realized how he felt - there's no way in hell he'd give up Jinki's love now that he has it, finally.
"Why?" he asks after the pause and the silence goes on too long.
Jinki's lips quirk up on one side but he's dead serious as he looks into Taemin's eyes. "Because you're so much better than I am," he says simply, falling back on his old friend, the self-deprecatory manner. He shrugs as if to say there's no way he can make Taemin understand.
Taemin's eyes widen and his brows go up, matching the way his mouth drops open in pure astonishment. "Where did you get that idea?" he finally says when it seems Jinki isn't going to say anything else. He's already running through names in his head; Jinki's confidence can be easily swayed by those he thinks of as older and wiser than himself.
"I've always known it, aegi," Jinki says softly. "And now... more and more people are seeing it. And, that's a good thing. You deserve a lot more recognition and applause than you get. But, sooner or later, you'll meet somebody who is..." He doesn't get to finish the sentence because Taemin's palm - soft at the center and calloused at the tips of his fingers from hours of guitar practice - is covering his mouth.
"Jinki...it doesn't matter who I meet, alright? God Almighty could come down here and ask me to fucking marry him or some shit, and I'd still say no. Because you're ... perfect, already." Taemin says, his voice soft but somehow intensified by that softness until each syllable rings in Jinki's ears.
Jinki still can't talk but he gives Taemin the "I am so not perfect," look that he should have patented by now.
"You are, you are, you are," Taemin insists, dropping his head to place a few warm kisses on Jinki's shoulders and the little patch of his chest that his shirt is showing off tonight.
Taemin finally pulls his hand away and folds his arms and legs as tightly around Jinki as he can get them with a sigh. "It's because of the new stuff I'm doing, right? The cameo and the voice overs and the other thing?"
Jinki feels like a terrible boyfriend as he nuzzles his face into Taemin's shoulder and then nods wordlessly. To say this out loud would make him feel even worse. Aren't you suppose to support and encourage the people you love? This is not exactly encouraging.
"Don't be scared," Taemin says after a moment, petting his fingers through Jinki's silky hair, slow and steady almost hypnotic. "I'll be singing for you anyway, you're the only one I want to like what I do or be proud of me, Jinki. Just you."
Jinki wraps his arms around Taemin's slender frame tightly, reminding himself not to squeeze too hard. "I love you so much, Taemin. Just you."
"I'm scared, you know," Jinki says quietly. They are cuddled up together on Taemin's bed and it's an entirely out of the blue statement.
Taemin leaves off his absent stroking of his boyfriend's thigh and wriggles around until they can look at each other. "What are you scared about," he asks after a long moment of getting lost in dark eyes and the soul behind them.
"Losing you," Jinki answers, knowing it's not really an explanation. He sighs a little and blinks a few times, trying in some way to gather the nebulous fear that makes a dark cold spot in the pit of his stomach so that he can put it into better words.
Taemin bites his lip and doesn't tell Jinki he's crazy, even though the words are right there on the tip of his tongue. He loved the older boy for ages and ages before Jinki even realized how he felt - there's no way in hell he'd give up Jinki's love now that he has it, finally.
"Why?" he asks after the pause and the silence goes on too long.
Jinki's lips quirk up on one side but he's dead serious as he looks into Taemin's eyes. "Because you're so much better than I am," he says simply, falling back on his old friend, the self-deprecatory manner. He shrugs as if to say there's no way he can make Taemin understand.
Taemin's eyes widen and his brows go up, matching the way his mouth drops open in pure astonishment. "Where did you get that idea?" he finally says when it seems Jinki isn't going to say anything else. He's already running through names in his head; Jinki's confidence can be easily swayed by those he thinks of as older and wiser than himself.
"I've always known it, aegi," Jinki says softly. "And now... more and more people are seeing it. And, that's a good thing. You deserve a lot more recognition and applause than you get. But, sooner or later, you'll meet somebody who is..." He doesn't get to finish the sentence because Taemin's palm - soft at the center and calloused at the tips of his fingers from hours of guitar practice - is covering his mouth.
"Jinki...it doesn't matter who I meet, alright? God Almighty could come down here and ask me to fucking marry him or some shit, and I'd still say no. Because you're ... perfect, already." Taemin says, his voice soft but somehow intensified by that softness until each syllable rings in Jinki's ears.
Jinki still can't talk but he gives Taemin the "I am so not perfect," look that he should have patented by now.
"You are, you are, you are," Taemin insists, dropping his head to place a few warm kisses on Jinki's shoulders and the little patch of his chest that his shirt is showing off tonight.
Taemin finally pulls his hand away and folds his arms and legs as tightly around Jinki as he can get them with a sigh. "It's because of the new stuff I'm doing, right? The cameo and the voice overs and the other thing?"
Jinki feels like a terrible boyfriend as he nuzzles his face into Taemin's shoulder and then nods wordlessly. To say this out loud would make him feel even worse. Aren't you suppose to support and encourage the people you love? This is not exactly encouraging.
"Don't be scared," Taemin says after a moment, petting his fingers through Jinki's silky hair, slow and steady almost hypnotic. "I'll be singing for you anyway, you're the only one I want to like what I do or be proud of me, Jinki. Just you."
Jinki wraps his arms around Taemin's slender frame tightly, reminding himself not to squeeze too hard. "I love you so much, Taemin. Just you."