shit
First of let me begin my rant by telling you about my shittastic dream. First of it started with me and keegan talking over facebook (because of camp,which i might write about later, this could actually happen...kinda) so then poof hes at my door and we just kiss. boom end of part 1 of dream. then begins the tripy second part that involves me and thisguy named dillon whos in my homeroom. first of i THINK dillon is straight. second i THINK he might be gay. so here begins my crazy dream of us like in some crazy scifi future and we end up together (very condesed version the rest is crazy) so then come my stupid nightly dream of dillon!
so this isnt really a rant about how im in love with a possibly straight guy! this is a rant abouthow i dont take action. i just dont. i dont do anything bad because i think ill get caught. i wont go sneek out of the house to go see a boy. i wont talk to boy if he doesnt make the first move. i wont shamelessly flirt with a straight guy just because i can. so what they fucks my problem? well i know what it is i just dont do anything about it. im afraid ill get hurt. badly.
and theres of course a rational reason for all my fault (sarcasm people it does wonders for the soul.) so i have daddy issues. big as huge daddy issues. joel left me and mom when i was three. i dont even remeber them together. so its not a oh i want mommy and daddy back together. i could care less about that they hate each other. so then joel moves in with mistress kathy. really kathy is cool and joel an her are meant to be together they just met under shity circumstances. plus she didnt know he was married. so before i go on with my life story you have to undersandme and my sibling.
First there was a very big bitch and her name was Tami. She had a child named Brett. Then Joel decided to tke care of brett and tami then joel decided hed like to have kids with tami. so then out popped jennifer pat and aron. but then bitchy tami got to bitchy and so joel left her. then a few years later out pops lucy and joel loves her and marries her. then came dj(me!) and stuff was good for a while. then joel left. and so now we have the background story
so anyways eventually like 12 years later kathy gets pregnant and they finally pick a date for theyre wedding after 10 years. so then comes katelyn. i love katelyn to pieces shes perfect and beautiful and smart. but shes already got a chip on her shoulder she doesnt have mom anymore. kathy died of breast cancer about 17 months after katelyn was born.
so now that you have my amazing back story you can understand my daddy issues....well almost. so joel of course would have eventually done what hes always done he would have ran. dont say oh you dont know that because yes i do and so did everyone else. but because of kathy dying he got stuck and couldnt run and was eventually forced to love katelyn. now saying forced isnt right he had to keep on loving her. he loved all of us at one point but stopped when he realised he didnt have to. well hes still loves aron to but thats because he became a marine.
so my daddy issues keep me from doing anything. being a rebel. falling in love. sneaking out. anything that i know would get me in trouble because i think that if i get in trouble everyone will stop loving me and leave like joel did. so what do i do?
because really i have no clue anymore
so this isnt really a rant about how im in love with a possibly straight guy! this is a rant abouthow i dont take action. i just dont. i dont do anything bad because i think ill get caught. i wont go sneek out of the house to go see a boy. i wont talk to boy if he doesnt make the first move. i wont shamelessly flirt with a straight guy just because i can. so what they fucks my problem? well i know what it is i just dont do anything about it. im afraid ill get hurt. badly.
and theres of course a rational reason for all my fault (sarcasm people it does wonders for the soul.) so i have daddy issues. big as huge daddy issues. joel left me and mom when i was three. i dont even remeber them together. so its not a oh i want mommy and daddy back together. i could care less about that they hate each other. so then joel moves in with mistress kathy. really kathy is cool and joel an her are meant to be together they just met under shity circumstances. plus she didnt know he was married. so before i go on with my life story you have to undersandme and my sibling.
First there was a very big bitch and her name was Tami. She had a child named Brett. Then Joel decided to tke care of brett and tami then joel decided hed like to have kids with tami. so then out popped jennifer pat and aron. but then bitchy tami got to bitchy and so joel left her. then a few years later out pops lucy and joel loves her and marries her. then came dj(me!) and stuff was good for a while. then joel left. and so now we have the background story
so anyways eventually like 12 years later kathy gets pregnant and they finally pick a date for theyre wedding after 10 years. so then comes katelyn. i love katelyn to pieces shes perfect and beautiful and smart. but shes already got a chip on her shoulder she doesnt have mom anymore. kathy died of breast cancer about 17 months after katelyn was born.
so now that you have my amazing back story you can understand my daddy issues....well almost. so joel of course would have eventually done what hes always done he would have ran. dont say oh you dont know that because yes i do and so did everyone else. but because of kathy dying he got stuck and couldnt run and was eventually forced to love katelyn. now saying forced isnt right he had to keep on loving her. he loved all of us at one point but stopped when he realised he didnt have to. well hes still loves aron to but thats because he became a marine.
so my daddy issues keep me from doing anything. being a rebel. falling in love. sneaking out. anything that i know would get me in trouble because i think that if i get in trouble everyone will stop loving me and leave like joel did. so what do i do?
because really i have no clue anymore