Mar 12, 2007 14:29
But it's to hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're the other side of the world to me
It's amazing to me how warm weather makes all the difference. I feel so much better about a lot of stuff these last couple of days just because the thought of Spring being around the corner is something to look forward to. Things haven't exactly been going my way in a lot of instances in my life as of late. I don't think it's the fact that I'm incredibly selfish and that I always want what I want, but I think it's the fact that I feel like I know what's best. I know what's best to put on a sorority shirt, I know what is the best thing to do relationship wise...But people also seem to know what's best so I'm not getting my way. I'm trying to maintain a sense of trust that things will work out how they're supposed to, even when it's hard to see now.
I feel like I want to say a lot, but I'm not sure how to say it. I'm trying to let go of some bitterness that will eventually eat at me if I don't let it go. And I'm trying to find the line between forgiveness and self preservation. The last couple of days have seen bitter tears from a deeper hurt than I've experienced in a very long time. If anything it's a different hurt- a more intentional hurt. I can understand when people unintentionally upset me, but not when they do something that they outright know will cause pain. But at the same time I feel like those tears are part of the healing process because I'm to the point where I can let myself feel that hurt and be ok with it.
It's good to get new sisters. I'm happy for them because I think that Gamma Phi is truly a lucky place to be.
I suppose that's all I will say even though it's not all there is to say. I wish things weren't so complicated...or that I didn't make things so complicated.
I just want...that feeling of being special to you.