(no subject)
i don't know what i'm feeling right now.
not quite depression. bummed out. lonely. left out.
overwhelmed.
so much to do this semester. i don't know how it's all going to get done. i miss everyone, and i don't feel like i'm missed. i've given up on calling anyone because nobody calls me, or returns said calls or messages.
i'm sick of home. my brother doesn't do anything to help. i feel guilty all the time because i don't help out more. my mom told me not to because i do so much in school, with shows, festivals, working full time. she tells me all the time that she doesn't know how i do it. at the same time, i get all the crap when the dumbass doesn't help out. i asked him to shove. he shovelled the width of the shovel down the walkway and his own parking space. not the rest of the driveway, not my parking spot. now, this wouldn't be such a big deal, IF he had a job, or went to school, or did the rest of the stuff around the house that he's supposed to be doing. i'm trapped here. and i hate it. i want to move out, but at the same time, i feel guilty for wanting too, because my mom and i are getting along great now, it's just him. i don't know what to do anymore. when i asked him why he didn't shovel anything else, his response was because the last storm we had i only shovelled out his spot and then i parked there. which isn't the case. i worked 33 hours in three days, and my mom and sister did all of the shovelling, only the driveway, not my spot, and then told me to park in his spot because he didn't shovel at all. (the weekend we had a foot of snow on friday, and another foot on sunday.)
i asked him to take out the trash. he did. put it on the hearth in the living room. asked him to take it out to the trash cans. left it on the front porch for two days. the dogs got to it. now the yard is littered with trash, that he's not going to pick up. he doesn't take care of the dog that he decided that he so desperately needed. or the 'good' dog. my mom goes away almost every weekend, and she pays him an allowance, a good one at that, to take care of the dogs. which he doesn't do. i don't know if the problem is her, or him. i don't know how to fix things.
sorry about the whiny post.
if he were in state housing and we didn't have the dogs, i think i'd be fine. or even just the one dog. i can take care of buddy. it might even be easier if he had a real disability. it's so easy to forget that he's disabled.
not quite depression. bummed out. lonely. left out.
overwhelmed.
so much to do this semester. i don't know how it's all going to get done. i miss everyone, and i don't feel like i'm missed. i've given up on calling anyone because nobody calls me, or returns said calls or messages.
i'm sick of home. my brother doesn't do anything to help. i feel guilty all the time because i don't help out more. my mom told me not to because i do so much in school, with shows, festivals, working full time. she tells me all the time that she doesn't know how i do it. at the same time, i get all the crap when the dumbass doesn't help out. i asked him to shove. he shovelled the width of the shovel down the walkway and his own parking space. not the rest of the driveway, not my parking spot. now, this wouldn't be such a big deal, IF he had a job, or went to school, or did the rest of the stuff around the house that he's supposed to be doing. i'm trapped here. and i hate it. i want to move out, but at the same time, i feel guilty for wanting too, because my mom and i are getting along great now, it's just him. i don't know what to do anymore. when i asked him why he didn't shovel anything else, his response was because the last storm we had i only shovelled out his spot and then i parked there. which isn't the case. i worked 33 hours in three days, and my mom and sister did all of the shovelling, only the driveway, not my spot, and then told me to park in his spot because he didn't shovel at all. (the weekend we had a foot of snow on friday, and another foot on sunday.)
i asked him to take out the trash. he did. put it on the hearth in the living room. asked him to take it out to the trash cans. left it on the front porch for two days. the dogs got to it. now the yard is littered with trash, that he's not going to pick up. he doesn't take care of the dog that he decided that he so desperately needed. or the 'good' dog. my mom goes away almost every weekend, and she pays him an allowance, a good one at that, to take care of the dogs. which he doesn't do. i don't know if the problem is her, or him. i don't know how to fix things.
sorry about the whiny post.
if he were in state housing and we didn't have the dogs, i think i'd be fine. or even just the one dog. i can take care of buddy. it might even be easier if he had a real disability. it's so easy to forget that he's disabled.