srsl what's goin on with me?!
Long time not see you LJ!
Warning- The entry full of complaints.
This what's happening in my life recently, makes me do not want to wake up and get up from the bed sometimes... Why? Bc I know that it'll be another day without finding a solution for my problems
.
I feel that the time is goin faster than usually. I spend 3 or 4 days per week in job for 12 hours.
Now thankfully it's a little bit less bc of the exams time at school. But still don't have a strength to learn for'em, especially when you didn't do anything for whole semester.
Anyway that's the last session before the B.A. defence (or smth don't know if it's good written). Now I'm in course of writing my BSc Thesis. Then I have to choose M.A. complementary studies but I don't know if I want to do it in this year!
I have 3 options but if you know other pls tell me:
1) Continue my present major of studies - Ecological farming - it means learning again about things that I'm not interested in like potatoes, sugar beet roots and other blah stuff.
2) Choose another major like Dietetics, which is really hard but interesting at once. Though it's on the other University + qualifying exams so I have a small chance to get in to it
3) Wait another year (meanwhile study hard japanese) and then try to do smth with it.
But if I resign from the studies then I won't get scholarship and insurance...
Then I need a money for my trip to Japan. I planned to go there for 2-3 months on voluntary services but since L'Arc concert is so soon in month that doesn't match for me at all then I can afford myself to 2 weeks max. Tickets are huge problems but I hope that with friends help I can get them
.
At moments like that I really need a big hug from someone who really loves me. But I started to doubt if this person will ever appear...
I like someone, I didn't want to mention about it here but uh..
We work at the same place. First I didn't think about effects of my feelings. I was just happy that my body could feel this warmness and butterflies again. We had very good contact. He even invited me for the New Years party (where I met his gf, yep). I thought that everything will be okey. That finally it will pass away, that his friendship is enough for me, but it is not!
I can't talk with him in normal way anymore and the worst thing is that he doesn't see how important he is for me (or maybe he doesn't want to see it).
Ugh I always fall into someone who isn't for me...
Many guys are waiting for meIf I wanted I could be with somebody who would do anything for me but...
but I just can't. My stupid heart do not let me.
Maybe thats how the adulthood looks like? I never asked for it so, maybe I have to get used to it...
Warning- The entry full of complaints.
This what's happening in my life recently, makes me do not want to wake up and get up from the bed sometimes... Why? Bc I know that it'll be another day without finding a solution for my problems
.
I feel that the time is goin faster than usually. I spend 3 or 4 days per week in job for 12 hours.
Now thankfully it's a little bit less bc of the exams time at school. But still don't have a strength to learn for'em, especially when you didn't do anything for whole semester.
Anyway that's the last session before the B.A. defence (or smth don't know if it's good written). Now I'm in course of writing my BSc Thesis. Then I have to choose M.A. complementary studies but I don't know if I want to do it in this year!
I have 3 options but if you know other pls tell me:
1) Continue my present major of studies - Ecological farming - it means learning again about things that I'm not interested in like potatoes, sugar beet roots and other blah stuff.
2) Choose another major like Dietetics, which is really hard but interesting at once. Though it's on the other University + qualifying exams so I have a small chance to get in to it
3) Wait another year (meanwhile study hard japanese) and then try to do smth with it.
But if I resign from the studies then I won't get scholarship and insurance...
Then I need a money for my trip to Japan. I planned to go there for 2-3 months on voluntary services but since L'Arc concert is so soon in month that doesn't match for me at all then I can afford myself to 2 weeks max. Tickets are huge problems but I hope that with friends help I can get them
.
At moments like that I really need a big hug from someone who really loves me. But I started to doubt if this person will ever appear...
I like someone, I didn't want to mention about it here but uh..
We work at the same place. First I didn't think about effects of my feelings. I was just happy that my body could feel this warmness and butterflies again. We had very good contact. He even invited me for the New Years party (where I met his gf, yep). I thought that everything will be okey. That finally it will pass away, that his friendship is enough for me, but it is not!
I can't talk with him in normal way anymore and the worst thing is that he doesn't see how important he is for me (or maybe he doesn't want to see it).
Ugh I always fall into someone who isn't for me...
Many guys are waiting for meIf I wanted I could be with somebody who would do anything for me but...
but I just can't. My stupid heart do not let me.
Maybe thats how the adulthood looks like? I never asked for it so, maybe I have to get used to it...