(no subject)
yeah, so i made some bad decisions lately.
it's kinda awful, i mean, how i'm listening to all the emo music i have and havent heard in really long...
okay what to do with my life, I don't know now.
I have two utterly fantastic boys who will be hurt either decision I make from here.
I love jon, I want to be with Jon. I know that. Or something like it. I'm getting to thinking I want to take a break with the whole relationship commitment and him my boyfriend thing... I want to step back and do what I can to find what I want. That seems like a sensable situation.
I wish I hadn't done what I did, yeah. I really do. Jon is an amazingly fantastic person who would never wrong me half as bad as what I did to him. He never would, that kid takes really good care of me. So now I've pretty much destroyed an awesome friendship my boyfriend and exboyfriend had created all on their own. I'm sososo guilty. Everything is my fault and I'm awful. So why do I have the chance to be with either of these amazingly fucking awesome gorgeous guys? Seriously. I'm not just being all self loathing to put myself in a place where people will try to tell me how untrue it is. Cause I suck as I girlfriend. I'm a cheater. And I'm fickle. Plus I can't decide what I want.
I need to decide now. I ruined an incredible relationship as well as mine and my boyfriends. If things can't go back to how they were... I'm definitley going to do something..
um
God, I suck.
it's kinda awful, i mean, how i'm listening to all the emo music i have and havent heard in really long...
okay what to do with my life, I don't know now.
I have two utterly fantastic boys who will be hurt either decision I make from here.
I love jon, I want to be with Jon. I know that. Or something like it. I'm getting to thinking I want to take a break with the whole relationship commitment and him my boyfriend thing... I want to step back and do what I can to find what I want. That seems like a sensable situation.
I wish I hadn't done what I did, yeah. I really do. Jon is an amazingly fantastic person who would never wrong me half as bad as what I did to him. He never would, that kid takes really good care of me. So now I've pretty much destroyed an awesome friendship my boyfriend and exboyfriend had created all on their own. I'm sososo guilty. Everything is my fault and I'm awful. So why do I have the chance to be with either of these amazingly fucking awesome gorgeous guys? Seriously. I'm not just being all self loathing to put myself in a place where people will try to tell me how untrue it is. Cause I suck as I girlfriend. I'm a cheater. And I'm fickle. Plus I can't decide what I want.
I need to decide now. I ruined an incredible relationship as well as mine and my boyfriends. If things can't go back to how they were... I'm definitley going to do something..
um
God, I suck.