So Anyway...
So looks like no one did their homework except Tara. Tara, you get a gold star. Everyone else, wasn't it fun partying while Tara was studying? [giggle]
Anyway. The point of that whole bit was that, back then (three years ago Friday, actually), I wrote that down and loved it. Elaine read it and loved it. And it was discussed several times with us that she had read it and thought instantly of herself. So when we broke up, I decided it needed some serious revising. However, when I actually reread it, I realized it's fine as is. I came to the realization that Elaine was just wrong. She was not those things. Or, not enough of them... not in the ways I wanted her to be.
What I realized the list did need, however, were additions. Things I didn't realize I needed until post-Elaine. So I wrote up the ones I could think of. And, without further ado, here they are:
-I need someone who is on equal footing with me, at least for the most part. Elaine was not at all self-sufficient. She didn't really know how to do much of anything but whine. She couldn't drive before I met her, she couldn't find a job, etc. So I really need someone who can survive without me holding them up all the time. If for no other reason than the situation Elaine and I were in just made it hell for us to not be at each others' throats.
-I need a person who likes/loves me because of my flaws, not just despite them. Elaine was able to "tolerate" my flaws (at least for a while), but I need someone who can laugh them off, to an extent. I can't think of much else to say on this; it's pretty self-explanatory - I just can't be made to feel like a waste of human potential again.
-I need this person to not sacrifice too much for me. This one is not Elaine's fault, really. I pressured her into making most of the changes she did, so I don't blame her for making them, just for how she reacted once she realized she wished she hadn't. So I need someone who will sacrifice for me, but never compromise themselves, because down that path lies chaos.
-I need someone who challenges me, makes me think. I think this one was in the original post, but I'm rephrasing it here. I need this person to be reasonable and intelligent enough to make me want to think about new viewpoints, not just expect me to and throw a fit when I don't.
-Finally, linked to the last one, I need someone who will introduce me to new things. Things I want to be introduced to. I want someone who has similar enough interests that they know about things I don't that I would like. Elaine and I had pretty far-flung interests. Where they intersected was mostly things I'd gotten her into (Buffy, etc.). So, yeah. Show me the world.
Blah blah blah, I do go on, don't I? Well, it was cathartic. Or epiphanical. Or salmon, possibly.The important thing is that I think I found someone who fits the criteria a little more closely. Now I just gotta hang onto her. :)
Anyway. The point of that whole bit was that, back then (three years ago Friday, actually), I wrote that down and loved it. Elaine read it and loved it. And it was discussed several times with us that she had read it and thought instantly of herself. So when we broke up, I decided it needed some serious revising. However, when I actually reread it, I realized it's fine as is. I came to the realization that Elaine was just wrong. She was not those things. Or, not enough of them... not in the ways I wanted her to be.
What I realized the list did need, however, were additions. Things I didn't realize I needed until post-Elaine. So I wrote up the ones I could think of. And, without further ado, here they are:
-I need someone who is on equal footing with me, at least for the most part. Elaine was not at all self-sufficient. She didn't really know how to do much of anything but whine. She couldn't drive before I met her, she couldn't find a job, etc. So I really need someone who can survive without me holding them up all the time. If for no other reason than the situation Elaine and I were in just made it hell for us to not be at each others' throats.
-I need a person who likes/loves me because of my flaws, not just despite them. Elaine was able to "tolerate" my flaws (at least for a while), but I need someone who can laugh them off, to an extent. I can't think of much else to say on this; it's pretty self-explanatory - I just can't be made to feel like a waste of human potential again.
-I need this person to not sacrifice too much for me. This one is not Elaine's fault, really. I pressured her into making most of the changes she did, so I don't blame her for making them, just for how she reacted once she realized she wished she hadn't. So I need someone who will sacrifice for me, but never compromise themselves, because down that path lies chaos.
-I need someone who challenges me, makes me think. I think this one was in the original post, but I'm rephrasing it here. I need this person to be reasonable and intelligent enough to make me want to think about new viewpoints, not just expect me to and throw a fit when I don't.
-Finally, linked to the last one, I need someone who will introduce me to new things. Things I want to be introduced to. I want someone who has similar enough interests that they know about things I don't that I would like. Elaine and I had pretty far-flung interests. Where they intersected was mostly things I'd gotten her into (Buffy, etc.). So, yeah. Show me the world.
Blah blah blah, I do go on, don't I? Well, it was cathartic. Or epiphanical. Or salmon, possibly.The important thing is that I think I found someone who fits the criteria a little more closely. Now I just gotta hang onto her. :)