(no subject)
I've started writing again, seperate from the glory that is Luxotica's Next Top Model. It is something that I miss about role-playing, but in the same aspect - when I was role-playing regularly, I wasn't really exploring themes that would cause me to grow as a writer. I don't think this was anyone's fault other than my own, because I didn't want to really stretch outside of what is comfortable for me.
I've gone back to writing some narratives, and I cracked open what little bit I have left (after the External being wiped) on the play that I was working on for the last like... 4 years, All That Heaven Allows, I should have stuck with that - but now it is gone, though my intention is to build it up stronger, this time coming full circle with some of the concepts that I initially struggled with. Especially in regards to the ennui of life, and the whole waiting to die mentality. Looking at something in a nihilistic way, but attempting to make it noble, and attractive... I don't know if I'm that talented of a writer.
I tend to think a lot about the afterlife, and life in general recently - as every drive to work has provided a new opportunity to re-evaluate what God is, and how that relates to me. I do believe in a God, my existence alone suggests that there is something greater out there. I don't know though if whatever it is, is something that I can fully understand. But I suppose that is alright. I think that if God were meant to be understood - we would understand it much easier. At time I think it is easy to think that the whole concept of God is just something that we have created to make ourselves less lonely, and also to try and comfort ourselves knowing that we exist in some form after death. Other times I think God is a tool that has been used to keep society in check, as without and fear of an afterlife, surely people would go around doing whatever suited themselves the best at the time (which people do -- I'm just saying in larger numbers.)
I've been a wreck emotionally, I guess that can just be attributed to insomnia, twenty pounds weight loss, and some very personal issues that have been happening to someone very close to me. I feel like for the first time ever I am seen with some sort of clout at work, though there is an uneasiness that comes with being on the upswing of the pendulum - especially at a restaurant like Dave and Busters - where you are hot shit one day, and fired the next.
I have indulged the parts of me that are anti-social for too long. I want to go out, but at the same time, I am at my happiest when Bernadette and I are deciding which one of our beautiful girls will unfortunately be getting the axe.
I cut off all my hair because I had an itch. Something in me needed to be scratched, and I thought a transformation physically may just be that special something needed to knock the dust off this sad sack of shit - but unfortunately, as cute as my new hair is, something is still missing.
Why are we all here?
I've gone back to writing some narratives, and I cracked open what little bit I have left (after the External being wiped) on the play that I was working on for the last like... 4 years, All That Heaven Allows, I should have stuck with that - but now it is gone, though my intention is to build it up stronger, this time coming full circle with some of the concepts that I initially struggled with. Especially in regards to the ennui of life, and the whole waiting to die mentality. Looking at something in a nihilistic way, but attempting to make it noble, and attractive... I don't know if I'm that talented of a writer.
I tend to think a lot about the afterlife, and life in general recently - as every drive to work has provided a new opportunity to re-evaluate what God is, and how that relates to me. I do believe in a God, my existence alone suggests that there is something greater out there. I don't know though if whatever it is, is something that I can fully understand. But I suppose that is alright. I think that if God were meant to be understood - we would understand it much easier. At time I think it is easy to think that the whole concept of God is just something that we have created to make ourselves less lonely, and also to try and comfort ourselves knowing that we exist in some form after death. Other times I think God is a tool that has been used to keep society in check, as without and fear of an afterlife, surely people would go around doing whatever suited themselves the best at the time (which people do -- I'm just saying in larger numbers.)
I've been a wreck emotionally, I guess that can just be attributed to insomnia, twenty pounds weight loss, and some very personal issues that have been happening to someone very close to me. I feel like for the first time ever I am seen with some sort of clout at work, though there is an uneasiness that comes with being on the upswing of the pendulum - especially at a restaurant like Dave and Busters - where you are hot shit one day, and fired the next.
I have indulged the parts of me that are anti-social for too long. I want to go out, but at the same time, I am at my happiest when Bernadette and I are deciding which one of our beautiful girls will unfortunately be getting the axe.
I cut off all my hair because I had an itch. Something in me needed to be scratched, and I thought a transformation physically may just be that special something needed to knock the dust off this sad sack of shit - but unfortunately, as cute as my new hair is, something is still missing.
Why are we all here?