Lately
So... if you didn't know, then this is me coming out (again).
For the last 3 years in NYC, I've been a sex worker. An escort. A hooker. ;)
It's true. For the past two years, I've balanced this quite nicely with my cushy school nurse job. I've had my late nights, early mornings and days of being tired in between. I've gotta say though, I've loved every minute of my experience. Never have I put myself in danger and I've had made some amazing memories because of it (SERIOUSLY - who just randomly gets to go to Switzerland to hang out with a bunch of famous musicians just because of luck?)
Anyway, it's had it's shares of downs too. The biggest hit has been my love/personal life. I put a lot into friendships that I can keep and it has caused a lot of heartache when those people have either turned their back on me or moved away. The past year has been all about the tears. I had a relationship fall apart, my best friend choose a trick over me, my group of friends dissolve because of it and one of my biggest supporters move away leaving me in this state of "nowhere to go". Admittedly, this is part of the reason I've started looking at leaving NYC. The bad memories are leaving a sour taste in my mouth and I don't know how to fix it.
There are still only a handful of people that have cracked my shell. People who know me fully and respect me as a person no matter what I do and I am very grateful for them all.
In those 3 years, I've stayed healthy, HIV negative, and have only developed a mild weed habit (which doesn't count, really...) Because of the nature of the sex industry, I've been kinda forced to work hard at keeping myself in top shape. I've made great strides in my strength and physique thanks to my trainer and working out 3-4 times a week. My diet is pretty healthy (even when I drown my tears in a pint of Hagen Daas, it makes my butt bigger - which is good) and I've gained 20lbs of lean muscle.
Like I said, I only lack a social circle. I have work friends and then I go home. And stay home. And cuddle my cat. I do go out once in a while. But usually chat with the bartender or people in passing.
I don't know. This post is mostly a cathartic one. There's no reason for anyone to know all of this except for me wanting to vent it somewhere.
I still feel like a very lucky boy most days and know that I'll get through this like I've gotten through so many other things in my 28 years.
I definitely don't want to do this forever and it will come to an end someday. When that is, I couldn't tell you. All that I can tell you is that I made this choice for me and I can't do anything but be the best damn hooker I can be.
D