after all is said and done, a spade is still nothing but a spade.
This is post is coming to you from the outside. I was inside once, it was ok. Outside has its ups and downs, but right now all I see is down. People on the inside: you have different lives now, you feel redeemed, free. I feel happiness for you, in a muted sort of way. You all are living life as you see fit, which is a joy in itself. Kudos.
I must admit something: I am very lonely. I often wonder what the people I used to know are doing. What do they do first thing in the morning, and last thing before bed? Are they the same thing? I wonder what they think about. Do I cross their minds as much as they cross mine? I guess that doesn't really matter, but I hope you understand, this is something I think about. We are all in our respective places, and we put ourselves in them. We choose who we talk to, who we see, who we hang out with, who we do more with. I feel like I should choose sometime.
My free time is consumed by a video game. Not all that uncommon, but it doesn't make for a very interesting story. I'm limited to talking to people who play, because all I do is play. Kind of like how sports fans find it easiest to talk to other sports fans, and drug users find common ground with others who participate in the same habit. People who do not play my game find many conversations with me difficult to follow. This can be frustrating at times, but we all have our niche. If you don't want to talk to me, I don't want to talk to you.
The trouble is, the previous statement isn't even necessary.
I just want to know what people are doing. Where have you been? Who did you see?
I think of everyone I know at least once a day. I do care about a lot of you.
I will not hesitate to say that I know people I would prefer to disappear. Forever, from both the earth and mind. The ones I speak of shatter my positive thinking on a frequent basis. I believe in forgiveness, but I have met some people that would receive no such thing from me. [no, I'm not talking about you. Some people you know, though.]
I am at a high point in my life, currently. In terms of progress. Where are you? Where are you going? I'm in school, I got my promotion back, and I have a couch to sleep on. I am on track, finally.
So what was holding me back? Inhibitions? Fear? Money? You? Me?
It was all me. I'm ready to admit that. I held myself back. I told myself I had all that I needed, and that I could settle. I lived, day by day, and slowly bled your patience dry. I claimed to do everything I could, and yet I repeatedly did all wrong things, despite my good intentions. I fed my appetite for attention by doing empty things, expecting reciprocation. Things that don't matter. Things that are nice, but ultimately a very, very small deal.
I'm not holding back any longer. Let's see what happens~
I must admit something: I am very lonely. I often wonder what the people I used to know are doing. What do they do first thing in the morning, and last thing before bed? Are they the same thing? I wonder what they think about. Do I cross their minds as much as they cross mine? I guess that doesn't really matter, but I hope you understand, this is something I think about. We are all in our respective places, and we put ourselves in them. We choose who we talk to, who we see, who we hang out with, who we do more with. I feel like I should choose sometime.
My free time is consumed by a video game. Not all that uncommon, but it doesn't make for a very interesting story. I'm limited to talking to people who play, because all I do is play. Kind of like how sports fans find it easiest to talk to other sports fans, and drug users find common ground with others who participate in the same habit. People who do not play my game find many conversations with me difficult to follow. This can be frustrating at times, but we all have our niche. If you don't want to talk to me, I don't want to talk to you.
The trouble is, the previous statement isn't even necessary.
I just want to know what people are doing. Where have you been? Who did you see?
I think of everyone I know at least once a day. I do care about a lot of you.
I will not hesitate to say that I know people I would prefer to disappear. Forever, from both the earth and mind. The ones I speak of shatter my positive thinking on a frequent basis. I believe in forgiveness, but I have met some people that would receive no such thing from me. [no, I'm not talking about you. Some people you know, though.]
I am at a high point in my life, currently. In terms of progress. Where are you? Where are you going? I'm in school, I got my promotion back, and I have a couch to sleep on. I am on track, finally.
So what was holding me back? Inhibitions? Fear? Money? You? Me?
It was all me. I'm ready to admit that. I held myself back. I told myself I had all that I needed, and that I could settle. I lived, day by day, and slowly bled your patience dry. I claimed to do everything I could, and yet I repeatedly did all wrong things, despite my good intentions. I fed my appetite for attention by doing empty things, expecting reciprocation. Things that don't matter. Things that are nice, but ultimately a very, very small deal.
I'm not holding back any longer. Let's see what happens~