How Elke was converted to the Big Ole Dude
I'm positive I wrote this story before, but it's been ages since I wrote anything worth the reading, and I wrote this in reply to a question over at ets, so I thought - let's post it in my journal.
But I should warn you: it's a very boring story.
I was an atheist up till three years ago, around when I started teaching. I'd always been interested enough in anything to do with cultures and the organisation of a community, and so I knew a great deal about christianity. I studied philosophy, which you really can't do without learning a hell of a lot more about Augustinus than you really care to :P I'd also been raised a catholic, but I lost faith around 12, as so many people do.
The way I explain it to my students, and it's just the best way for me personally to describe it really, is that around that time I lost my friend. It's as if you're playing in the park and your friend is right with you and the next moment he's simply... gone. I've never been angry about it, because I've always felt I missed nothing - plenty more friends where that one came from, really. If anything, not having a religion to build everything on made me read even more, and look for alternatives. I really thought about ethics and the Big Questions, because I couldn't go for the prescripted answers anymore, and that helped me become the person I am today. So all in all, I'm very glad he decided to bugger off when I was twelve. (Just for the record, I'm equally glad he's back now, though.)
But then suddenly he was back. I was at a concert (Tom McRae, he's definitely not famous but I'm a big fan), and there was this moment where it was just Tom accompanying himself on the guitar, and he was standing there on stage singing (what turned out to be an average song, btw), and I stood completely transfixed. I had this enormous sense of beauty overwhelming me, like when you're taking the time to watch the sun set in the sea, or suddenly you notice just how close and huge the clouds are... And despite not having done that for over ten years (which was also the biggest part of my conscious life), I felt the urge to call that which I saw, God.
I think that's the big difference between people who believe, and people who don't: at one point, you choose to name a certain feeling a certain way, and it changes your choices, your ideas, your life in a sense. Very Romeo and Juliet, really... if a rose... So, to answer Ockham's question: I think the name very much constitutes the essence of the rose. I think someone else would have merely called that beauty or the immense talent of the singer or sleep deprivation, and it would have led them to a very different experience. But for me... well, it just felt natural. Like seeing that old friend again, somewhere in the street, and he's changed a little (but so have you), and you instantly reconnect.
The irony of it all is that Tom's an atheist too. I think one day I'll send him one of those fangirly letters telling him all about how he was instrumental in leading me back to the light, and all that blah... I'm sure he'll love that!
So, that was it.
It's a bit of an anti-climax, really, isn't it? I should seriously consider spicing it up a little :P
But I should warn you: it's a very boring story.
I was an atheist up till three years ago, around when I started teaching. I'd always been interested enough in anything to do with cultures and the organisation of a community, and so I knew a great deal about christianity. I studied philosophy, which you really can't do without learning a hell of a lot more about Augustinus than you really care to :P I'd also been raised a catholic, but I lost faith around 12, as so many people do.
The way I explain it to my students, and it's just the best way for me personally to describe it really, is that around that time I lost my friend. It's as if you're playing in the park and your friend is right with you and the next moment he's simply... gone. I've never been angry about it, because I've always felt I missed nothing - plenty more friends where that one came from, really. If anything, not having a religion to build everything on made me read even more, and look for alternatives. I really thought about ethics and the Big Questions, because I couldn't go for the prescripted answers anymore, and that helped me become the person I am today. So all in all, I'm very glad he decided to bugger off when I was twelve. (Just for the record, I'm equally glad he's back now, though.)
But then suddenly he was back. I was at a concert (Tom McRae, he's definitely not famous but I'm a big fan), and there was this moment where it was just Tom accompanying himself on the guitar, and he was standing there on stage singing (what turned out to be an average song, btw), and I stood completely transfixed. I had this enormous sense of beauty overwhelming me, like when you're taking the time to watch the sun set in the sea, or suddenly you notice just how close and huge the clouds are... And despite not having done that for over ten years (which was also the biggest part of my conscious life), I felt the urge to call that which I saw, God.
I think that's the big difference between people who believe, and people who don't: at one point, you choose to name a certain feeling a certain way, and it changes your choices, your ideas, your life in a sense. Very Romeo and Juliet, really... if a rose... So, to answer Ockham's question: I think the name very much constitutes the essence of the rose. I think someone else would have merely called that beauty or the immense talent of the singer or sleep deprivation, and it would have led them to a very different experience. But for me... well, it just felt natural. Like seeing that old friend again, somewhere in the street, and he's changed a little (but so have you), and you instantly reconnect.
The irony of it all is that Tom's an atheist too. I think one day I'll send him one of those fangirly letters telling him all about how he was instrumental in leading me back to the light, and all that blah... I'm sure he'll love that!
So, that was it.
It's a bit of an anti-climax, really, isn't it? I should seriously consider spicing it up a little :P